80. SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA- STOP PSYCHIC MASOCHISM: Flourishing Friday

The Flourishing Center

EPISODE 80: SHOULDA WOULDA COULDA- STOP PSYCHIC MASOCHISM: Flourishing Friday

Flourishing Friday (FF)-Welcome to Flourishing Fridays (FF), where every Friday we bring you a Positive Psychology-based life hack that will help you flourish. In these episodes, we look at the real-life application of Positive Psychology while giving you tips and strategies to put Positive Psychology into use in all areas of your life.

This week Emiliya worked with a coaching client who came to her because he wanted more happiness and positivity in his life. His wife, the love of his life and high school sweetheart died of a brain aneurysm 5 years ago. COVID has led to a lot of alone time and a lot of time to ruminate on what could have should have and would have. She calls this self-talk: psychic masochism. It hurts to say these things to ourselves, yet it’s like wiggling a loose tooth, it hurts, but it feels good.

Emililya shares how she thinks there’s an evolutionary role in why we beat ourselves up over the past. Most of the time, we’re facing something that was entirely out of our control. Autonomy and having a locus of control are highly coveted human needs, but it’s rarely something we truly have. And when it comes to the past… we have no control over changing the past. The only control we have is what we do with it in the future.

When you imagine the should have, could have, would have… you imagine a different past… you’re imagining yourself actually having control.

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