Episode 244 - Go, Go, Gojira!

Here's What I Don't Get

Check out the Video Episode!

It was only a matter of time folks. Usually we're not ones to copy trends and follow what everyone else is doing, but this time there's big money involved, so away with our dignity! We're proud to present Here's What I Don't Godzilla, from North to South, East to West, but especially the East, the only Godzilla-based podcast to tackle all of life's toughest kaijus every week. Brought to you by Ronco! Join us each week as we battle through the gauntlet of Tohos and Showas and Mothras and whatever other dumb puppets Godzilla destroys because he's the best!

- Cheaters
- Falling For It
- Making Up Leaks
- Doubling Down

Cheating in a single-player game? Who cares. You wanna make your Skyrim guy invincible with a spell that summons 50 dragons at a time? Go ahead. It's a power fantasy. But in a game that's all about doing the impossible and improbable under dire circumstances? Well you're just cheating yourself. Where's the fun in NOT dogfighting in the air, getting shot by an AA canon, but downing the other pilot before you blow up, then parachuting out of your burning plane, sniping the other falling pilot before he lands, then falling onto the AA canon guy that shot you out of the sky in the first place, then plunging your knife into his stomach and stealing his dogtags so his family never has a sense of peace, then 30 years later including them in a letter saying "lol get fukd AA noob". You're just cheating yourself out of that moment.

Maybe this one will be it guys. Maybe THIS will finally be the 80s franchise they dig up for the third time, but this time instead of defiling its body, they'll dress it up all nice looking and treat it with respect! It's not going to happen, folks. Stop getting hype for the same reboot over and over. How many "passing the torch" reboots have come and gone the last 5-10 years? They're all the same thing, and look at you dummies paying money for each one each time. Here's some advice: enjoy the memories you have of [INSERT CHILDHOOD PRPERTY HERE] and find something else to be obsessed with. Star Wars, Ghostbusters, TMNT, He-Man, Thundercats, Transformers, whatever it is is not for you anymore.

How to get people to see movies 101: make good movie, get good marketing. Done. How to get people to see movies (as understood by internet weirdos) 101: Write an article about some reddit user's screencap of a 4chan post of a supposed CGI farm worker's thoughts on what secrets the next big blockbuster has in it. Do this once a week every week after the movie is announced but before the trailer is out. Once the trailer is out, flood the news sites with stories about 'PLOT LEAKS FOR X-MEN '92' that are just the trailer scenes stitched together in some cohesive fashion but also completely made up. Do this every day so the DAILY MCU NEWS YouTube channels have something to post everyday. When the movie comes out in 6 months, don't mention any of the "news" of those leaks you've been pushing for 2 years.

Dear Diary: today I tried to give myself superpowers again. This time I touched a white-hot stove to see if I had cool heat powers or invulnerability. I do not. But if I wanted to, I could now become Fifth-Degree Arm Stump Boy! Anyways, see you tomorrow! Dear Diary: You know, sometimes you just really believe that something will work. Well, I tried to give myself superpowers again today. I thought, maybe leaping a building in a single bound, or shooting lasers from my eyes, but I kinda really want heat and or invulnerability powers. So I did the stove thing again. I swore, for a second I thought it was working! I couldn't feel a thing! The doctors say that's because the nerves in that good hand were immediately burned away. BUT now, that I have to write with my feet, I could be a cool leg-based hero! Anyways, I got a feeling that the third time's the charm, so see you tomorrow!

All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, and support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT!