Strategies for Healthy Communication in Postpartum (Pt 2)

Thrive After Postpartum

Show Notes
In the last episode we discussed some communication strategies for moms who are in postpartum and are experiencing depression or anxiety or just feeling overwhelmed. The tips I offered last week were to say less (be specific in your requests), use relatable language, and to get still (take time to process emotions so that you can get clear on your wants/needs). If you haven’t listened to it go to thriveafterpostpartum.com/6 and get caught up!

I hope that you had an opportunity to apply one or all of these techniques because as I said last week the power is always within us to change our experiences and circumstances.

So this week’s episode is for the fellas, partners, or support person in your life -- the person on the receiving end of your words. I’ve got some concrete tips for you as well. I hope they prove beneficial.

Last week I mentioned that there is no way to really empathize with the experience of a postpartum person unless you yourself have had the same experience. I still believe this. There is a way however for you to garner understanding and build a sympathy bridge.

Seek First to Understand

I believe this tip was made famous by Mr. Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. And it goes without saying that if we pay attention more then we will understand more. And educating yourself about the postpartum period and the mental changes that women go through when giving birth is crucial. How to educate yourself well here are some ways to do this.

Firstly, listening to podcasts like this one will help you understand some of the nuances of the postpartum experience. Just because it’s about postpartum and black women’s issues in postpartum doesn’t mean it’s off limits to you. You are in this with her. You are her support, her strong tower and often her safe place. The more you know the more you both GROW.

Secondly, read, study, and learn as much as you can about postpartum and postpartum mood disorders. Start while she is pregnant. Good resources include organizations like Postpartum Support International or through organizations targeting men such as Daddy University. Attend a support group with your partner. Go to her wellness appointments with her and talk to the doctor about your concerns. There is a book I love called the Female Brain. It’s a valuable resource to understand your partner in all periods of her life, especially during pregnancy and postpartum.

Thirdly, listen to your partner about her experience without judgement. Because each woman's experience is different, no one is more of an expert at what she is feeling or what she needs than she.

Do Not Minimize or Dismiss.

This is a big one! I don't know how many times my clients have told me that when they share their feelings with someone else, often their partner, that person has deemed them as being too sensitive, or too petty or exaggerating. I have also had the same experience. Dismissing your partner's feelings whether you agree or not is hurtful. Maybe her interpretation of an incident is off but so what.

Feelings are just what they are. And I will tell you fellas/partners/lovers, if you do it too much she’ll go cold on you. And she’ll go cold to the family. Children need that flow of love in the family to be healthy, to feel secure. When a woman is made to feel loved, heard, safe, protected, and cared for her children thrive better. It’s just biological in nature.
Listen. Don’t Attempt to Solve.

Another big one! After your partner has shared your heart, mind and soul with you. Ask the question what can I do to help instead of doing what you think is best …

For more show notes visit thriveafterpostpartum.com/7