Ep. 22 Can People-Pleasing Fuel Porn Addiction?

No More Desire ™ Porn Addiction Recovery

Can People-Pleasing Fuel Porn Addiction? In today’s episode we talk about what people-pleasing is, where it comes from, and why many addicts struggle with people-pleasing tendencies.

What is People Pleasing?

• The tendency to do things to make others happy while putting your own needs at risk.
• The need to control another person’s emotions and ensure they feel happy.

How Can People Pleasing Cause Porn Addiction?

Pornography addiction has almost ZERO to do with manly urges, sexual cravings, or sexual obsession. Breaking free of porn has little to do with stopping the behavior itself, and far more to do with overcoming the underlying mental, spiritual, relational, and even physical causes of porn addiction.

We seek out porn addiction for a reason. That reason has everything to do with our mental state, i.e. negative feelings of shame, fear, inadequacy, etc. that we are experiencing on a daily basis, and perhaps more importantly our desire to resist and escape from these negative feelings.

People-pleasing is the desire for others to think well of us - we want to do things that impress others or make them see us in a positive light. This can cause us to:

• Focus too much on ourselves (ironically), which fuels addictive behaviors.
• Feel a lot of pressure to do things just right (perfectionism), which can lead us to cope through addiction.
• Neglect our own needs to the extent that we do not do those daily activities that support our recovery.

How Many People Struggle with People Pleasing Tendencies?

It is extremely common for people to struggle with these tendencies to varying degrees.

It’s nothing to feel ashamed of. But simply to:

• Observe within ourselves
• Determine how we want to act differently

What is the difference between pleasing others and being a “People-Pleaser”?

• Important to dedicate our lives to serving others, but when this gets out of balance it can be destructive.
• Boundaries - Making our needs known and standing strong where we need to.
• Difference between “I want you to be happy” and “I want to be the cause of your happiness”. One is selfless and the other is selfish. It can be easy to mistake these for one another. But their motives and outcomes can be very different.
• One is about giving attention. The other is about getting attention.

How Can I Break Free From Porn Addiction and Overcome People-Pleasing?

• Practice being aware of these people-pleasing thoughts and beliefs.
• Remind yourself that you are of equal worth to all around you. You are no better and no worse than anyone; so you need to love both yourself and others.
• Remind yourself that you are not the cause of others happiness. Their happiness is their responsibility. You can serve others and make a big difference for them, but ultimately you cannot control the way they feel, and trying to do so is codependency, and only hurts both you and them.
• Change your focus to be on the good of others rather than on attention-seeking.

Learn more about how to stop watching porn:
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Other Episodes:
Religious Shame and Pornography Addiction
I Had a Relapse with Porn | What Do I Do Now?
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No More Desire