Dating in the present age has become quite the mess

Flux Podcasts (Formerly Theory of Change)

Introduction

For a variety of reasons, increasing numbers of Americans are turning away from marriage and dating. In a 2022 study, less than a majority of adults surveyed were married, while 37 percent were not in any form of relationship.

As the percentage of single people has increased, it seems also that social media is filling up with awful dating advice as well. Self-styled dating and relationship gurus are proliferating on places like YouTube and TikTok in particular, many of them recycling old tropes about manipulating people for money or sex.

Dating has also become a lot more political as the Republican Party has become much more radicalized. Even before Trump, right-leaning Americans have been targeted by websites and apps offering to help them get a date where they couldn't get it otherwise, particularly the male Republicans who seem to hate the idea of female autonomy.

Straight women are now also getting their own share of bad advice as well.

There's a lot going on in the world of romance nowadays, and to set the table for a mini-series of episodes, I wanted to have a fun and light discussion on the topic with my friend Camille Corbett. She’s a filmmaker and comedian based in the Los Angeles area.

The transcript of our conversation is below. Because of its length, some podcast apps and email programs may truncate it. Access the episode page to get the complete text. The video of this episode is also available.

Related Content

* That right-wing freakout about some women dancing at a gas station is about so much more than it appears

* Male popular culture is obsolete, and many men are suffering because of it

* Reactionary ideas are increasingly abhorrent to Generation Z, but young right-wingers are refusing to look inward

* The American far right has been obsessed with sex since it emerged in the 1960s, but it’s a history that’ isn’t discussed enough

Theory of Change is part of the Flux network. To get more content like this episode, please stay in touch by subscribing via Patreon or Substack.

Audio Chapters

00:00 — Introduction

03:31 — How the internet gave rise to the professional daters known as “pickup artists”

08:54 — Republican men are angry that women don't want to date them

14:12 — Women are getting into the dating manipulation advice game now

22:04 — Some former pickup artists are becoming right-wing religious figures

23:27 — Dating apps for Republicans?

29:52 — The new and unrealistic obsession with “high value”

36:06 — Some healthier advice for dating

Transcript

The following is a machine-generated transcript of the audio that has not been corrected. It is provided for convenience purposes only.

MATTHEW SHEFFIELD: So as I said in our intro, the internet [00:02:00] is filled now with awful dating advice and it's coming from all sides and all corners, it seems like, and I think people, if they're not into dating, this has kind of taken place under the radar for a lot of people.

And you have been there kind of seeing all this happen in real time pretty much, right?

CAMILLE CORBETT: Yeah. Low-key, I downloaded Tinder when I was 18, which is crazy to think about. So I never have been dating as an adult without a dating app.

SHEFFIELD: Oh, wow. So how much is the sort of physical, going into a bar and people talking to you, like does that even happen anymore now?

CORBETT: Yeah, I get hit on a lot in person, but I feel like I'll get hit on a lot, but sometimes men can't finish the thought. Like they'll be like, oh my god, you're so beautiful, I just want to come up to you and tell you that. And I'll be like, thank you. And [00:03:00] then they walk away because they can't continue the thought and be like, oh, well, can I see you later or something.

So I definitely think there's an awkwardness there. I've even dated a dude that told me that he would be scared to approach me in person. Would have never done it, but because of dating apps he felt comfortable. And yeah, which is crazy.

I'm like, wow. I didn't realize I was dating such a pussy. Oh, can I say that? I don't even know.

SHEFFIELD: Well, you just did!

How the internet gave rise to the professional daters known as "pickup artists"

SHEFFIELD: But yeah, online dating really did kind of change the way stuff happened and when this really kind of started hitting its stride in, let's say maybe late 2000s, there was a group of people who—basically men—who said, they made a business of giving advice to men telling them how to do things and how to talk to women and basically kind of manipulate women.

And they eventually called themselves the pickup artists. [00:04:00] You enjoyed reading their material, as you've told me in other conversations.

And then I guess sort of the dissatisfied customers of the pickup artists kind of branched off into their own kind of, maybe sort of feedback loop that kind of goes in and out is, and that's the incels. So for people who don't know about these guys, what would, what's your description of them?

CORBETT: I feel like pickup artists gamify dating. It's basically what's the most amount of women. And they tend to fetishize and have ratings and values for women. So if you're like, I don't know, a white girl in college maybe like 22 years old, that's a high get for these sorts of men. They have value for all of these sorts of women, which is scary to think about.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, and it's. Yeah, no, ahead.

CORBETT: But so pickup artists, they basically [00:05:00] they just want to f**k the most amount of women as possible, and show their bros and it's totally not gay to show off the amount of women that you've had sex with to your close friends.

And I feel like incels are the men that hear the advice but can't actually apply it. And are just stuck in sexless lives for whatever reason. They have, I think, some theory that's you should be like six foot, have at least six inches and make six figures. Which is quite, I feel like that's like really a lot. I've dated a lot of people and I feel like that is unrealistic I don't know. I don't even think I've dated, or maybe I have dated a few dudes that meet these qualifications, but that's just not what is needed and you just don't understand women, but I feel like there's a plethora of reasons why they don't understand women or [00:06:00] why they feel devalued in that way.

SHEFFIELD: Well, and, a lot of the stuff goes down to techniques and things that they tell people to say to women. And from what you've told me in the past, like some of the guys would actually tell you the things that they had said to you were, that I read this somewhere that I should say this to you, right?

CORBETT: That someone would say what? Sorry!

SHEFFIELD: That they would say things to you and then you'd be like, what, are you telling me that for? And then they'd say, well, because somebody told me to say that.

CORBETT: Oh, yeah. Yeah. So I've like--

SHEFFIELD: So give us some examples of that. I want to hear about some of these.

CORBETT: Oh, when I saw this morning, which is crazy literally I was just scrolling and I saw it. This dude was just like if a woman gives you her number say it back with one number wrong, and if she corrects you, then she actually likes you. One dude told me that he could tell that I liked him because I [00:07:00] shaved my kneecaps.

I was like, what? That's a signal? And he was like, yeah, I read it on Reddit. That sign is one of the signs. Yeah, I just feel like they have all these weird rules because I feel like, again, I've said this before, but I think that pickup artists are just successful incels. They're men that , really, wanted to , collect women and be able to have sex with a bunch of them.

And once they sort of figured out the tricks of the trade, I guess, because I do feel like a lot of it is tricks, which is just sad to think about in the woman's part, because, I feel like most women generally have sex for at least a semi emotional connection.

But yeah, it's so interesting to me because they create all these rules and laws. And then, sometimes they make so much money off of it through publishing books, publishing manuals. I think Andrew Tate has a s**t ton of manuals that people buy or like a university [00:08:00] pickup artists university vibe where you can just learn through the modules how to trick women into liking you.

And I feel really bad for the dudes where it doesn't even work because I don't even know what could be going on, whether psychologically, or just how you look physically, where you can't even trick a woman into f*****g you. But I've noticed from a lot of incels that, because I've dated a few of them, because it's kind of fun to date a dude that hasn't had sex in a year, it's, for obvious reasons, but yeah, I find that a lot of times it's their aggression that makes them not be able to have sex, it's like you hate women. You just want to f**k us. We can tell you hate us.

Who wants to be having someone inside of them hovering over them and they want them dead? That is terrifying.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Yeah.

Republican men are angry that women don't want to date them

SHEFFIELD: There's also kind of a political aspect. to this stuff as well, [00:09:00] because, like you mentioned Andrew Tate, but there's, these other guys out there these two brothers that host this podcast called Fresh and Fit. And a bunch of these—

CORBETT: Oh those dudes are weird. And then he was exposed for having set or being on seeking arrangements. The dude that runs the Fresh and Fit podcast was literally on Seeking Arrangements, paying for women. Because who would actually date him after, if he's on a dating app, right, you connect your social media profile to everything. You see his photo. Maybe he's okay, he's wearing a hat because he's clearly balding.

And then you go to his socials and you see it's just like him degrading all of these famous influencers. Why would you ever want to go on a date with him? You'd be like, no, you have to pay me to see me. There's no f*****g way.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, no. And that's the thing. And so I think there's a lot of men out there who are [00:10:00] Republicans, primarily. That they're in this dilemma because, younger women who, the ones who are, the most likely to be dating are much more likely to be Democrats. And so a lot of these Republican men, they're just really angry that they can't get a date with women because in part, because of their political views.

CORBETT: I saw a crazy tweet. Recently, where it's just like, why do women want to be alone instead of going like 50 50 and submitting to a man? I was like, that sounds horrible. When you put it like that, I'd rather be alone. I'd rather be alone. At that point, I, so, yeah, I definitely have felt that way a lot of times clearly dating in, in cell, , I've been like, oh you just deserve to be alone I don't think that there is a person for you in your current mental state and if, you're , obviously, some people that can be [00:11:00] can become so successful that they can , find someone but I feel like even then it's like a revolving door of people, if they're crazy.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah, well, yeah. And some of that success, as you said, like, it would, it could maybe work. For a little while for some of these guys who just, they have so much money that they can just throw it around and get some, people for a little bit, but they're not going to stick around. But it , unless you, for the people that they sell the advice to, they don't have that kind of money.

They don't have that kind of thing or whatever. So, well, no, like the customers I'm saying, generally speaking, they're not going to have that. And so it doesn't work for them. So, but they, they, just get these people hooked on it. And that's where the whole incel thing comes from that, the guys that are giving you the advice to you, it's not good advice.

And or if at some point it might've worked at some point, before, cause I don't know. I, the. Well, I guess I'm getting ahead of myself. So like a lot of these [00:12:00] things, they're involving specific things to say to women. So like negging, as they call it, using negative compliments or insults.

CORBETT: Negging does not work. It really does not work. The few times I've dated incels, , I feel like they started out negging, and I've been , leave me alone and block them or something, and then they found just another way to contact me, and grovel and apologize. And then, I went on a date with them, but I was just like, what the f**k are you doing?

But yeah. It's weird getting negged because you're just like, why are you being mean to me? This is just too much. It's not attractive.

SHEFFIELD: Well, and maybe at some point that might have worked for some people at some point, but This is, this stuff has been around for like 20 years and I think, most, women at this point, either you figured it out directly yourself or your [00:13:00] friends or family members have told you that some people will do this or that, and it doesn't work anymore.

CORBETT: I feel like women don't know pick up artistry. They don't.

SHEFFIELD: You don't think so.

CORBETT: Not most women. Yeah, especially young women. That's why they prey on younger women. Like the younger they are, the less they'll know. That's why they're obsessed with women that are newly in college or stuff like that.

Because they were, I mean, high school is scary. I mean, to be right out of high school is too much in my opinion, at that point, you're just a masking pedophile. But I do think college is like, It's not pedophilia. It's just like you are praying after young, stupid b*****s. Cause I was so stupid when I was in college, I would have believed a lot.

But so I mean, not just, there's nothing wrong, obviously with being young and stupid. I definitely admire it, but yeah, I look back and I'm like, what the f**k? [00:14:00]

SHEFFIELD: How did I survive this?

CORBETT: Dude! Yeah, there was some moments and like dating where I'm like, why did I go to that dude's house? He could have murdered me.

Yeah, for sure.

Women are getting into the dating manipulation advice game now

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, and then the other thing is that so now we're seeing kind of the, maybe the female equivalent of the incel or pick up artists. that's, starting to become a thing now as well.

CORBETT: I think those women are deranged. They're crazy. And incels have never experienced the life that they're claiming to be going after, or like the sort of men that they're looking for. I love it.

SHEFFIELD: No, I think it's, true because and, like some of them, like this woman named goes by Pearl Davis. I don't even know if that's her real name or whatnot. , they'll go out there and they give all this advice to women and they have never, been married and, or never been [00:15:00] in a long term relationship of any kind, and it's just like.

What do you even know about what you're talking about?

CORBETT: My favorite one is this girl. She looks super weird. I'll start by saying that she kind of looks like a Oompa Loompa and she like,

SHEFFIELD: send me the video so I can put that in.

CORBETT: Yeah, I will. But yeah, she always wears really bad, hair extensions and she just looks , Terrifying.

But she's always I'm a diagnosed sociopath. And as a very attractive diagnosed sociopath, this is what I do to trick men. And I'm sharing my what's it called again? Insights with you. Because I see women that have feelings or whatever. And I want to help my sisters. And I'm like She's, the best one.

To me, she's the best one because she is ridiculous. At least she's honest.

Unidentified Woman: I'm a diagnosed sociopath and this is how [00:16:00] I become an addiction to people. Let's be real, plebs needed addiction. You need to become all they think about, every moment of every day. To do this, they need to be on your schedule, not theirs. If they say 7. 45, it's 9 o'clock. You need to be completely unpredictable.

This is why men say, I've never met a girl like this before. She's different. So I tend to reply pretty quickly. But sometimes I vanish. Especially during a vulnerable conversation. You'd be surprised how scared guys get when they send a risky text. Thanks. You want them to think they've done something wrong.

Once you effortlessly come back, it'll be a massive sense of relief. They'll be grateful to see your name on their screen. It's like killing two birds with one stone. He's thinking about you 24 7. So you've effectively monopolized his time and taken out the competition. When men say that she makes me feel like the most important person in the world, there's a reason for that.

Because when he's with you, You give him 100 percent of your attention. You're not on your phone texting other people, [00:17:00] and you're not losing interest in his boring topics of conversation. When he's with you, he feels like a king. Now, you don't want to look obsessed, so plan your absences. This is when he'll be feeling his lowest.

Trust me, like I've said before, guys don't know the difference between anxiety and butterflies.

CORBETT: I'm like, what? I'm like, okay, coming from this place is way more grounded and real than being I only day to do that has Bugatti sprinkle like that's usually like the vibe

Doesn't make any sense. I find Also, it's hard for female pickup artists to actually Have any ethos because most dudes that are very successful do not want an outspoken woman So the idea of you going online and telling people how to trick men would be repulsive So it's so weird to me I'm, like I don't believe you

SHEFFIELD: Yeah, I don't know.

It's like to me. It's uh modern day [00:18:00] or a newfangled romance novel kind of vibe is what it is because yeah because the stuff they're saying it's not going to work and it doesn't work for them.

CORBETT: On the average man and even if it's like a dude that makes over a hundred thousand dollars like they're saying these prized individuals you're gonna bankrupt them like I will say I'm gonna be honest I feel like it can be toxic.

Like female being female pickup artist thing or whatever, because when I was , Growing up or like not growing up, but when I was in college and stuff, I would consume female rap or listen to these female pickup artists. And I literally, because of it have, I feel so embarrassed to say this, have made multiple of my boyfriends go broke because of it, because they will be like, no, you can just ask for all of these things.

And it's like, Yeah, you can, but [00:19:00] should you, because if someone really likes you, they'll try and make it happen. You know what I mean? And so I feel like it's not grounded in reality. Cause the average man you can't ask for these things. Cause if you do, you really don't care about them as a human being.

That's how I feel.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, and, yeah, having money as the foundation of your relationship, that's not a good foundation.

CORBETT: Every female pickup artists are like, Money first, love second,

insanity. Obviously money is important, but it just shouldn't be number one,

SHEFFIELD: well, yeah, and what's kind of weird is that, a lot of these people are kind of just, reading old dating books to on the internet or just repurposing them.

CORBETT: Something that's also interesting is like a lot of these female pickup artists will actually be doing things that prostitutes do [00:20:00] like, I saw this video of this girl and she was like, Oh, sometimes I just go to restaurants and try and find men to pay for the bill, which I would never-- that's that gave me anxiety already.

Cause I'm a pretty attractive woman. I've never been at a restaurant and the dude's like, And I'm not eating with the man and he's paid for my entire meal like that's crazy because who is Alone at a nice restaurant, you know what I mean? Like what man is alone? Yeah, what it's usually like a group of people like someone will be with someone so it's like the likelihood of a man seeing you at a table and then paying for your entire bill seems very You really have to try like in a way that You It just wouldn't naturally happen.

And so it was interesting watching this woman she's like eating her steak, whatever. And then looking trying to get this man to pay for everything. And then in the comments of the video, all these women were like, this is a [00:21:00] prostitution. It's called freestyling. This is what we do when we're trying to pick up a john.

And I'm like, this way makes way more sense to me because I could never be so brazen, Asking for things like that. It's crazy.

SHEFFIELD: Well, no and the other thing is like if a guy's sitting there You know in a restaurant by himself eating he's probably working or you know Waiting for somebody to show up or something.

Yeah, he doesn't want to talk to you. He's not interested in other people He's deliberately alone.

CORBETT: And yeah, you're expecting someone to pay for your like 80 meal It's kind of crazy to me if they don't know you, like when a dude buys me a drink. I'm like, Oh my God, this is so much like, you know what I mean?

Cause they don't know me. So it's just weird to me that that is, I feel like, yeah, female pickup artist thing is just finessing. It's just , being like a hunter gatherer, gathering as many items from men as you can versus like a male pickup artist is Hunting for as [00:22:00] many bodies to make your body count rise or whatever.

Some former pickup artists are becoming right-wing religious figures

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, and One of them, his his, he goes by the name Roosh that he was a pickup artist. A lot of these guys, the other weird thing is that they have kind of a, eventually they end up in some sort of weird religious place as well. No, I'm serious. No, cause like, and he's trying to, he's now marketing himself as a spiritual Christian leader or some s**t like that.

And but in a sense it, It flows out of it though, because, they have this hostile, domineering attitude toward women, which they are, they got it from their sort of, secular, sex obsessed viewpoint. And then they discover over time, Oh, Hey, the, the Christian fascists, they also hate women and want to control them.

So, Hey, maybe we have something in common.

CORBETT: That's dark to think about. Yeah, I'm Christian, but I [00:23:00] don't go to church for that reason. I don't think that also if you're Protestant, like realistically speaking, you're Protestant. Martin Luther didn't fight for you to go to f*****g church and have some hack, interpret the Bible for you. This is my thought. Sorry. Rants.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah, that's probably true in his case. Yeah.

Dating apps for Republicans?

SHEFFIELD: and I guess one of the other kind of weird things about the dating environment now is that there is a Republican, there are Republican dating apps now.

CORBETT: I would go on there and scam. That'd be fun.

SHEFFIELD: Well, see, but that's, well, so the one that's out there now, and I, to be honest, like they have had trouble getting women to sign up.

It's called the right stuff. And but you can't get on there unless you have an invite from somebody else.

CORBETT: You can't? [00:24:00]

SHEFFIELD: Yes, you can't.

CORBETT: Republicans, if you're listening, get me a f*****g invite.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, but it's, interesting though, that, yeah, I mean, why do you think that they've had trouble getting women to sign up for their app?

CORBETT: Why would women be Republican when they can't even get an abortion? If there's a kid killing them inside of their bodies, like that's crazy. Well, obviously it's up to the state, but why would you stay with a party that doesn't respect you as a human being. Also, I find it so weird that people are so fixated on reproductive organs that aren't even theirs.

It's just strange to me because it's like most, yeah, it's just weird to me that, Republicans are fixated on that specific thing. It's a foundation of their party and why it just doesn't align with humanity and it doesn't align with women.

SHEFFIELD: [00:25:00] Yeah. Well, and, the other thing also is I would feel like that if you were, cause There are basically no Republicans who are kind of like non believing women.

Like the women who are Republican are all, fundamentalist Christians, basically. At least the ones that I've known. I have not, I have known one. No, two libertarian women. Two.

CORBETT: Fundamentalist Christians annoy me because then you'll ask them have you read the Bible cover to cover?

And then they're always like, no, I've been meaning to. It's like, b***h, pick a new religion that you could actually read. I'm sorry.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, okay. but so you think it's just that, that they haven't gotten, they have had trouble getting women to sign up. Because I would feel like the, Republican women that are out there, they are on these, evangelical dating websites or whatever, like that's where they would go.

CORBETT: They get snatched up to not a Republican too. I feel like [00:26:00] don't they get married earlier? It's like they do.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah.

CORBETT: If you're a man, I feel like most men like to get married a little bit later, like in their thirties and I feel like women like to get married younger and in places where they're more conservative women, the dudes are more down to get married at teenage years and stuff like that to find.

I feel like a lot of men that are Republican are looking for women. That basically are not their equivalent, like you generally want a partner that's on par with you, but they want someone that's basically a child and in order to get that they have to , go through different avenues like dating apps.

And I feel like it's sort of hard to find a partner if you're older and you want someone that's traditional, like a traditional woman wants to get married by the time she's like 21. And if you're like [00:27:00] 34, she doesn't want to marry a 34 year old man. It doesn't matter how much money he has.

It's kind of gross. I mean, maybe some are attractive, but it's very rare to see a man. I, know this because I used to have a sugar daddy and I would look at people that were, , in their 30s when I was, , in my early 20s. And I'm like, damn, they're old as f k. So it's like, why do you think a woman like that would want you?

I just feel like they have unrealistic standards. And then they go to these dating apps, expecting to be like these quote unquote, high value men and be able to find a plethora of women. And then they don't realize that it's not only women that get aged out of things like you cannot be old as f**k dating someone young and expect to have a notebook like relationship. It's just not the same thing. In the notebook, they were the same age. So yeah, I just think it's [00:28:00] like people aren't using their critical thinking skills.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Well, and then for the women, when they, let's say, get out into their late twenties and, older who are Republican, they got into that setup because, they, themselves maybe were not quite as traditional, were wanting to be submissive and then yet they're in a part, they want to be in a party and find a man who has those values, but. They're not going to want to date a 27 or 32 year old woman who has a grown job and doesn't do whatever they say.

You're out of, you're not what they're looking for. And so a lot of them are really frustrated, it seems like.

CORBETT: Because it's like, Oh man, women that are too young for me don't want me. And women my age are just , b*****s. That's like the perspective for sure. I, I remember I dated this dude that was an incel for a minute and it was almost self inflicted [00:29:00] kind of because he could he just had unrealistic standards and um and he would complain about women his age Trying to , spin the block with him, or hit him up after they had previously rejected him.

And I'm just like, but those are the people you're most likely to be compatible with. Statistically speaking, if there is a year or two in between your ages, you're more likely to stay together, versus someone that is I, was like, maybe six or seven years younger than him. So I was just like, all our incompatibilities could probably be solved if you were literally just dating someone like me, my, a version of myself, older.

SHEFFIELD: A little older, yeah.

CORBETT: Yeah. Because five or six years is vast.

The new and unrealistic obsession with "high value"

SHEFFIELD: And a lot of that is about, unrealistic standards or thinking too highly of yourself in the [00:30:00] dating market, quote, unquote, I think that's the other thing. And I've seen this with a lot of guys that I know that, they're like, Oh, well, I get on these apps and I get matched up with these people and I'm not attracted to them at all and they're not, I don't feel like they're where I'm at. And it's like,

CORBETT: that's your level.

SHEFFIELD: Well, and no, and that's the thing. and, I guess, it's like everyone wants to think that they're above average. But of course, by definition, that's not the case.

CORBETT: No dating apps give you like a numbers. They rate you. I'm someone, like, whenever I go on a dating app, all I do is just put bikini photos. That's all I'm doing. Put bikini photos. And so I always I get a million matches. And I feel like dudes that I don't match with will literally try and hunt me out. Because I didn't swipe on them. They'll find my social media and, like, ask me out there and beg. [00:31:00] And I'm like, there's a reason why we didn't match.

But I feel like men always feel like they deserve more than they realistically can get. from a woman. You know what I mean? Like, specifically in LA, because I live in LA I feel like every dude thinks that they deserve this supermodel woman. And you'll ask them what their job is, and they'll be like, I'm a PA.

Or not like nothing's wrong with being low level or whatever, but also understanding, there's multiple factors to make you a lucrative person today.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah, well, and it's, just the idea because there's this term that everybody is now throwing around, referring to themselves as I'm a high value no woman or a man or whatever. And it's just like,

CORBETT: well, yeah.

SHEFFIELD: And it's like, who does that? It doesn't really help [00:32:00] people to, again, if everybody's above average, then that's not possible. Number one, and not everybody. is, most people are not going to be a high value, whatever. And stop trying to think that you're better than everybody.

I mean, that's ultimately seems like the advice that nobody is out there saying, you're not better than everybody else. And you're not and that, whether it's, physical attractiveness or money or like, those are not. The, ways of having a good foundation of a relationship.

And I think a lot of people, they, still haven't learned that it seems like.

CORBETT: I feel like in general, for both men and women, we're going to see a trend of more people, never having partners and, just being generally dissatisfied. I feel like with AI and stuff like that, I feel like people are just going to go after their ideal man or woman through that versus, actually trying to be with a human being at this point.

That's the vibe that I've been [00:33:00] getting, because I'm friends, with a lot of women that , are obsessed with romance novels. obsessed with really beautiful men and it's like you won't settle for anyone less than an Adonis. And I'm like, I, can't even imagine only dating dudes with six packs.

I don't even know what that would be like. And so I feel like it it goes not only for the incels, but for women as well. I feel like a lot of people are gonna be more chosen to be single. I maybe am biased because, , I work in Hollywood, but I see so many people who are like, I'm too good for everyone, but they're all alone.

But maybe they prefer to be alone than to be You know with anyone and I can respect that to a certain degree. It's not me because I'm needy but some people I can admire that

SHEFFIELD: Well and it is the case, yeah, that definitely the percentage of [00:34:00] people who are married has, has declined quite a bit. So actually in 2022, there was a survey that was done and found that only 45 percent of Americans were married American adults.

So it's the majority that's single now.

CORBETT: Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. I have been someone that's always wanted to be married. So I've always come into relationships with compromise, but I feel like I've definitely as I've dated and talk to my friends who've dated, so many people are way more stringent than me and will not compromise on so many things.

And it's impossible to get married to anyone without compromise. I mean, I guess you can, but you won't be together for very long.

SHEFFIELD: Yeah, no, that's, I think that's a great point in that people yeah, you got, people have to realize that, that you're never going to get everything you want and, and life, you I mean, sometimes you'll have a bad career moment or, you'll have some financial [00:35:00] struggles one way or another.

And if you can't accept that going into it, then, you're going to only have disappointment inevitably.

CORBETT: Yeah, that's so real. But yeah, I just feel like every, like on both sides, everyone has unrealistic expectations. Yeah, viewpoints. Like I always think about that one TikTok mantra, if he wanted to, he would.

And I'm like, what if he can't physically, it's just kind of interesting to me. Everyone has these unrealistic standards, but it's all because of social media, people are , selling the fantasy. And then half the time, people would be like, Oh, actually, that was a horrible relationship. He was like, beating my ass. And you're like, what the F**k, why are you trying to sell people lies then?

I know that if I was dating someone abusive and they were giving me a lot of gifts, I wouldn't go on social media and be like, Oh, I'm living the dream. That's crazy.

SHEFFIELD: Posting [00:36:00] pictures of the gifts, yeah.

CORBETT: Yeah, that's crazy to me. Yeah, it's crazy.

Some healthier advice for dating

SHEFFIELD: Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, I think we're, let's see, we hit all the things on the outline here. Was there any park any thing you want to go back to or that we didn't cover here yet?

CORBETT: Oh, I want to give dating advice.

SHEFFIELD: Okay. All right. Go for it. What dating advice do you have, Camille?

CORBETT: I am a pickup artist now. My, if you want to date in 2024, You have to be able to compromise. You have to understand what real bodies look like, both male and female, because y'all are delusional and you have to be kind to each other. You can't immediately be competitive and confrontational and be like, well, can you do this and this?

Cause that's just too much. Remember that they are a person, [00:37:00] not an ATM or that they're a person and not a sex doll. But yeah, that's my advice.

SHEFFIELD: All right, well. Sounds good to me. I think that's some, good advice for people. And I guess for people who want to keep tabs on what you're up to, what's your recommendation for that?

CORBETT: I'm @thewittygirl on all social media, and you can also check out my podcast, Smokeshow Show.

SHEFFIELD: All right. It sounds good. Thanks for being here, Camille.

CORBET: Thank you for having me.

SHEFFIELD: All right, so that is the program for today. I appreciate everybody for joining us for the conversation. And of course, you can always get more episodes. If you go to theoryofchange.show, you can get the video, audio, and transcript of all the episodes of this program.

So thank you very much and I'll see you next time.

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