Special Patreon Release: What to Do When You Don't Like Your Story with Sharon Jaynes

The Savvy Sauce

*Disclaimer* This episode includes thematic material.

Special Patreon Release: What to Do When You Don't Like Your Story with Sharon Jaynes

**Transcription Below**

"And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony;" Revelation 12:11a (KJV)

Questions and Topics We Discuss:

1. In your book you share the secret to living a better story—will you share what that secret is?

2. What are some ways we can break free from shame of the past to find joy in our present?

3. How does the sharing of our story—both highs and lows—help us heal?

Sharon Jaynes is a conference speaker and the author of twenty-five books. She served as vice president and radio cohost of Proverbs 31 Ministries for ten years and currently writes for their online devotions.

Sharon is cofounder of Girlfriends in God, which strives to cross generational, racial, and denominational boundaries to bring the body of Christ together as believers. She and her husband live in Weddington, North Carolina.

Connect with Sharon on Facebook, Instagram, or Her Website

At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites.

When You Don't Like Your Story by Sharon Jaynes

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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)

Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.”

Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.”

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.”

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”

Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”

Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”

Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

**Transcription**

[00:00:00]

Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.

[00:00:17]

Laura Dugger: Today's episode includes some thematic material. I want you to be aware before you listen in the presence of little ears.

I'm excited to recommend an additional podcast to check out. Famous at Home with Dr. Josh and Christi Straub. I love listening to their podcast, and I think you will too.

Sharon James is my returning guest. I love Sharon's transparency as she is about to share her testimony, and the pages from her story she used to wish she could just rip out but God taught her the worst parts of our past are the very thing he uses the most. She's going to unpack what that means for each of us.

Here's our chat.

Sharon Jaynes: Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Sharon. Oh, it's good to be here. Had so much fun last time, I can't wait to chat again. [00:01:17]

Laura Dugger: Well, I'm excited about our time together as well. Last time, you had given us just a little glimpse into your life story, but I would enjoy if you would be willing to dive a little bit deeper now.

Sharon Jaynes: Okay, well, I'm going to back up and tell a little bit of what I said last time, because I know we'll probably have new listeners today. But I was raised in eastern North Carolina in a small town. My father had a business. My mom had her own business. We lived in a nice neighborhood and a nice ranch-style house. I had an older brother, and we had a collie dog named Lassie.

So it just looked like an all-American family. But you know what, Laura, there was a secret behind that pretty door, and the secret was that my parents fought verbally and physically in front of us. I saw many things as a child I shouldn't have seen, heard words I didn't even know what they meant, but I knew how they made me feel.

I remember hiding in my room at night when my parents would fight. [00:02:17] My dad drank a lot, and he would hit my mom. She would hit back. She was a very bitter, angry woman.

I grew up a lot of my childhood just afraid. I can remember going in the closet at night and hiding, and sometimes I would sneak in my brother's room, and we would hide together.

The next day after one of those fights, maybe my mom would have a black eye or she'd have a cut, and she'd go into a passive-aggressive mode where she wouldn't speak for a few weeks. And my dad, after the next morning, after one of these fights, he would always be crying at the kitchen table saying how sorry he was and that he would never do it again. But he always did. It was kind of a cycle in my home. It was not a good story. This was not a good story.

When I was 12 years old, there was a woman in my neighborhood, my best friend. My best friend was Wanda. She was a little redheaded girl, and I loved being down at her house on the next block because her parents loved each other. They would hug and kiss in front of us and had such a strong marriage and had such a happy family. [00:03:21]

I really didn't know why they were so happy all the time, but I knew it had something to do with Jesus because Mrs. Henderson, even though I loved her, I thought she was a little odd because she would walk around the house singing little praise songs, and she would talk about Jesus like she knew Him personally. And I thought that was very strange.

Because, you see, Laura, as bad as my family were, there was alcohol, there was pornography. I mean, you name it, it went on behind that door. And as bad as we were, we went to church on Sundays, and we walk into that very politically correct church, and people would say, "How are you today?" And we would say, "Fine". But we weren't fine, and I imagine a lot of people around us weren't fine.

Well, I started spending Saturday nights a lot over at the Henderson's home, which meant I would go to church with them on Sunday. And when I went into their Bible teaching church, I noticed there were a lot of people who talked about Jesus like they knew Him personally.

I couldn't have explained it this way then, but what I was seeing is there is a big difference between having a religion in your life and having a relationship with Jesus. [00:04:28] I wanted that relationship with Jesus like they had.

So when I was 14, I did accept Christ as my Savior, and He did forever change my life. But the hard part was, Laura, that I had to go back home and to live in that violent environment. But that's kind of the backdrop, the backdrop of not having a good story and how that story has turned into My Greatest Victories, which is the title of the book, When You Don't Like Your Story, subtitled What If Your Worst Chapters Could Become Your Greatest Victories? And that story has become one of my greatest victories. That's kind of how it started.

You know, a lot of my books have come out of that experience, and that's one way that it has become a great victory. One of my books is called Enough: Silencing the Lies That Steal Your Confidence.

For example, growing up the way I did, I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough, wasn't smart enough, wasn't pretty enough. [00:05:29] But God used all that in my life to show me how to replace lies with truth. And so that's what I do now is I help other women learn how to have better stories and to learn how to replace the lies that they've heard as children and as adults with God's truth. So that's kind of the cliff notes of the, let's say, the first 14 years.

Laura Dugger: Wow. Thank you, first of all, for sharing your story. Was that the catalyst for writing this book?

Sharon Jaynes: The catalyst for writing this book is that I've been ministering with women for about 25, 30 years. I have watched God turn my worst chapters into my greatest ministry tools. I've watched God take my broken stories and turn them into beautiful prose.

The pages that I wanted to rip out, God said, oh, no, we're going to highlight that because you're going to use that to help minister to other people. [00:06:33] So that process started early in my ministry.

But as I have worked and loved on women for all these years, I've seen that so many are stuck in the bad chapters of their story and they don't know how to get out of those bad chapters. So that is why I wrote the book is to help women who were stuck and struggling with the worst parts of their story.

Because usually, Laura, it's not the whole of someone's story that they don't like. Usually, it's just certain pages or certain chapters. And they really want to go through and rip out those pages or delete those pages, those certain experiences in their lives. But we cannot delete, discard, or mend the past. But we can repurpose what we've gone through to reclaim the present and say, "God, how can I use what I've gone through to now help someone else?

So that's really the impetus for writing the book. [00:07:33] It's really not about me. It's about helping everyone who has any chapter, any story in their life that tends to continue to control them. I want to show them how don't get stuck there, but how you can move forward and use what you've gone through now for God's glory.

Laura Dugger: To go a little bit further with that, then, will you elaborate how and why you recommend we all share our stories?

Sharon Jaynes: Let me give you an example. Let's go back to my father. Three years after I came to Christ, I went out of the country actually to study. This was before my senior year. I told my mom at this point when I was 17, when my parents would get in a fight, I would be the one to break them up.

When I was 17, I had opportunity to leave for three months, but I didn't want to go because I thought, who's going to break up the fights? If I leave, who's going to take care of my parents? See, I had stepped into that parent role, which happens a lot when you grow up in a family like that. [00:08:37]

But my group of 17-year-old friends... listen, Laura, when you get teenagers in love with Jesus and on fire for the Lord, they are something. Well, my group of 17-year-old friends, they said, "We prayed about it. We think you should go." So the night before we prayed over my house. I mean, we were something else. Prayed over my house, walked around that house. And I told my mom, "If something happens when I'm gone, you've got to go to Mrs. Henderson because I'm not going to be here to help you."

First night I was gone, my dad came home drunk, started a fight. Mom ran down to Mrs. Henderson's. And that night my mom gave her life to the Lord. So I always laugh and say, "I was messing in their business so much. God had to get me out of the country before he can deal with my mom." And listen, that's a lesson for parents. Sometimes we can get so involved in our kids' lives that God can't do what He needs to do because we're buttoned in.

So I was gone. My mom came to Christ and came home and told my dad she was going to forgive him for what he had done, everything he had done. [00:09:38] And listen, Laura, I would never, ever encourage a woman to stay with an abusive man. Never. Hear me say that. You need to be safe.

But my mom chose to stay. And that night my father quit drinking. Cold turkey. Never drank again. But the way he told me when I came home, he said, "I will go to church with you, but I could never become a Christian because there's too many things I've done in my life. God could never forgive me."

Of course, Laura, I told him exactly what you would have told him, is that, "Dad, none of us could be good enough. If we could be good enough, Jesus wouldn't have had to die on the cross." But He just could not understand that kind of grace.

Now, I want you to fast forward three more years. So this is six years after I came to Christ. Both of my parents had their own business. My dad had a building supply company, my mom had a craft shop and taught art classes.

So my mom had gone on a business trip to a craft show somewhere up in Pennsylvania. [00:10:42] We lived in North Carolina. My dad was about to be sued in his business world because he had signed a contract with another company and was breaking a restrictive contract. So he was going to be taken to court and he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

So for three years... see, I've been praying for my dad for six years. My mom and her friends praying for three. So my dad was about to have a nervous breakdown. He got in his car... Now, hold on to your seatbelts here. I'm going to tell you this fast. He got in his car and drove to Pennsylvania to try to find my mother. He could not find her. He stopped at a church and he said, "I need somebody to pray for me. Is a priest here?" "No," the secretary said, "the priest isn't here. But I know a pastor, a Baptist pastor, who's out in the woods building his church."

She drew a little map on a scrap piece of paper and gave it to my dad. He got this little scrap piece of paper. He drove in the woods somewhere in Pennsylvania with a man I'll never know. [00:11:44] And he drove up to this fellow and he said, "I need for you to pray for me." And the pastor said, "Well, sit down, Alan. Let's sit on this lock and tell me what's going on."

So, probably, Laura, for the first time in his life, my dad told this man everything he had done and what was going on in his life. Now, the way my father explained it to me, this man then put his arm around my dad and he said, "No, Alan, let me tell you what I've done." And the way dad explained it, he said, "Sharon, everything I had done in my life, this man had done too. And I knew that if God could forgive him and he could be a pastor, then God could forgive me, too."

You see, Laura, that is the power of our story. My father had been going to church with us for three years, but he didn't see anybody like him. Do you think they were there? Absolutely. There were men there who had struggled like he had, but nobody was telling their story. But God had to take him all the way to Pennsylvania to hear a man who had a similar story for my dad to see the grace of God could work in his life as well. [00:12:51] That's the power of our story.

You know, it tells us in Revelation they overcame him... This is talking about the devil. They overcame him by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. You think about that. Our story is so powerful that it's in the same sentence with the blood of the lamb. So no wonder the devil doesn't want us telling it. No wonder he wants us to be ashamed of it and tells us, "Keep it to yourself because people are going to like you. They're going to think less of you." No wonder, because he knows that is what will destroy him along with the blood of the lamb.

So that was one of the first times that I saw how important someone's story was to change someone's life. In the book, I talk about four steps to having a better story or turning your worst chapters into your greatest victories. But the last step is to tell your story. Because I think once you go through and you use your story, the bad parts of your story for good, and you show people how God has redeemed you, and that's such a big church word, but it basically means to exchange something bad for something good, how God has changed you, then once we use it for good, Satan can't use it against you anymore. [00:14:13]

You leave the pain place and you leave the shame place because, you know, God is using it for His glory. So Satan's not going to throw it back in your face anymore. It's now something giving glory to God, not something that we have to hide and be ashamed of.

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Laura Dugger: Okay, well, you've given us the last one, so now can you share some more of those first steps to having a better story? [00:16:22]

Sharon Jaynes: Okay, well, let's just start at the beginning. I think the first thing we have to do is to go back and look and see what are those pages? What is the part of my story that I'm not letting go of it?

I mean, I met somebody yesterday, and we were talking about their story, and they just went back and they talked about... I mean, this is something that happened to them 30 years ago, and rather than wanting to move forward and wanting to be well and having a better story, for 30 years, she had been picking at a scab is the way I describe it.

We can have something happen in our lives, something... There's two ways: something done to us by someone else or something done through us. Maybe, Laura, it's something we've done ourselves, and we keep beating ourselves up about it and listening to the enemy who's telling us, reminding us what we did and how we did it.

You know, the Scripture says that God throws our sins into the deepest of seas. But I love what Corrie Ten Boom says. Sometimes, you know, he puts up a message that says "no fishing allowed", but we go back in and fish it back out, and we live in a place of condemnation, but we've got to think, am I picking at a scab? Am I not allowing God to heal it? [00:17:37]

Remember when Jesus went to the pool and there was a man... There was a pool that the lame would sit around and the infirmed, and they believed that when the water stirred, an angel stirred it, and the first one in would get healed.

Well, Jesus goes up to this pool of water, and there's a man who has been lame for 38 years, sitting by this pool, waiting to be the first one in. Jesus walks up to this man, and it was always, to me, seemed like such a strange question. He said, "Do you want to get well?"

Now, that is a strange question, but let's think about it a minute. So many times when we've been hurt by someone, Jesus comes up to us and asks the same question. Well, do you want to get well? Do you want to let go of that pain? Do you want to let go of the bitterness? Do you want to let go of the anger, or you want to hang on to it? And that's something we have to decide. Do I want to get well? [00:18:36]

If we decide, yes, Lord, I want to get well, we decide, I will not live bitter. I will not live angry. I will not live disappointed. I don't want to live discouraged or wounded or ashamed any longer. I am not going to live just as a victim of my circumstances. I want to get well. I am going to stop picking at the scab and allow God to heal that wound. That's the first step, making a decision.

Then the second step, again, is either what's been done to us or through us. So let's look at what's been done to us. I'll call that leaving the pain place. That involves forgiving others. And that is so hard for us Christians, is forgiveness. And yet it's amazing. That's what our whole faith is built on. The whole Christian faith is built on the forgiveness of our sins. And yet we struggle with forgiving others. [00:19:33]

One time I went to a college football game. And I was sitting on the end of a row. And the people were walking up the stands. They had the concrete steps. And right beside me, where I was sitting by that step, people kept tripping. It really got comical because they weren't getting hurt. They were just tripping on the step. And they would spill their drink. After a while, it was just kind of funny.

So at the halftime, I thought, why are they tripping on this step? So I got up and I measured the steps. And that step right beside me was like a quarter of an inch taller than the other steps. And I thought, Lord, that's why we trip on the step of forgiveness. It's just a little bit harder than some of the other disciplines in the Christian faith. It's a little bit harder. We have to pick up our feet a little bit more. But it is so important.

And until we forgive people for what they have done to us, we will never be healed and we will never have a better story. That's how important it is. [00:20:41]

Now, let me say this. Let me tell you what forgiveness is and is not. Forgiving someone is not saying that what they did doesn't matter. It's not saying that it was okay or that it did not happen. Forgiveness, the actual Greek word... see, the Old Testament was written in Hebrew, the New Testament was written in Greek. And the Greek word means to cut someone loose. So forgiveness means to cut someone loose.

Think of it as if you got up every morning and the people you didn't forgive, you strap them on your back and you're carrying that burden around with you, that burden of unforgiveness. Well, forgiveness means to cut that burden loose and to let them go free.

So when we forgive someone, we're cutting them loose, we're letting them go free and we're going to let God deal with it. Because you know what, Laura, when we don't forgive someone, the people we don't forgive, they don't care. A lot of times they don't even know that we're carrying this burden around. It's only hurting us. It's only keeping us in a sick place.[00:21:43] And it's keeping us in a very dark chapter.

And it's only when we cut them loose and let them go that that wound… we can stop picking at it, how it was done and who did it and when they did it, stop picking at it and allow it to heal, to become a beautiful scar that then represents a story in our life of something amazing God has done with us.

Let me tell you two different sentences. I did not write these sentences, but they're so powerful. One is forgiveness is setting the prisoner free and then realizing that the prisoner was you. The other is unforgiveness is like drinking a poison and waiting for the other person to die.

So forgiveness is a gift that we give ourselves. And once we forgive those people who have hurt us, it changes the ending. It will help change the ending of our story.

Laura Dugger: What an important topic to cover. [00:22:43] Those are just the first two steps. Could you elaborate on the third?

Sharon Jaynes: Well, the third step, just as we forgive other people, sometimes the person that we have the hardest time forgiving is that person that we're looking at in the mirror. The hardest person to forgive sometimes is ourselves.

Now, some will say, well, forgiving yourself isn't really a biblical principle. It's really about receiving God's forgiveness. But you know what? People say, I can't forgive myself. So let's just meet people where they are. Receiving God's forgiveness and forgiving yourself are kind of tethered together.

But sometimes we will have things in our lives. Someone might've had an abortion in their past, or they might've been unfaithful or had sexual promiscuity in their past. I mean, there's a long list. And I hear women say, "I know God's forgiven me. I've prayed that God will forgive me and I know He has, but I just can't forgive myself." [00:23:42]

You know what? That is like saying that what Jesus Christ did on the cross is not enough. It's like saying what He did for us, that there's something more that we have to do to earn that grace and forgiveness. But we can't do anything to earn it. We simply have to receive it.

So we have to let go of the shame and condemnation. And listen, shame and condemnation was... we saw that in the garden of Eden. That was one of the first things that happened to Adam and Eve. Once they disobeyed God is shame entered the world and they felt condemnation and they hid and they try to cover their shame with those leaves. And God said, no, we got to have a sacrifice, an animal sacrifice.

The first question in the whole Bible is God coming and looking for Adam and Eve and saying, Where are you? So even in our shame place, God calls us, where are you? And He's calling us to leave that shame place and to come out of this shame place and be clothed in his grace. [00:24:46]

Shame, just like we saw with Adam and Eve, it hides authenticity. See that's going to keep us from sharing our story. It denies responsibility. It blames vehemently. It blocks vulnerability. Shame breeds insecurity. It destroys dignity. It shackles us to our past. And shame keeps our story stuck in the worst chapters and it blocks our ability to move forward, to have better chapters.

So we have to come out of that shame place and say, Jesus, thank you for giving your life for me. Thank you that you did that so that I can be free of my sin and I can live a different story. So coming out of the shame place is key. The third step of having a better story and how those worst chapters can become our greatest victories.

Laura Dugger: One reoccurring scripture that comes up for The Savvy Sauce is James 1:22. It says, "Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." [00:25:51] And because our tagline here is practical chats for intentional living, we want to hear how you are applying these messages to your own life. What action steps have you taken after hearing one of these podcasts that's improved your life a little bit? We would love to hear it. Please email us at [e-mail].

We've already mentioned the healing that's available, especially as we share our stories, that it not only heals us, but it provides comfort and healing to those who are listening to it. But how do we know if someone is safe or if we want to begin sharing our story, who should we share it with first?

Sharon Jaynes: Well, I believe we need to find someone who loves us no matter what. Find that one person. If you've got parts of your story, you've never told anyone, find that one person that you know is going to love you and not judge you.

I have many example within the pages of this book of women doing that and telling someone for the first time, you know, what they have done in their life. [00:26:53] I remember sitting with a girl at a women's retreat. Precious. Oh, she was so precious. She shared about how her stepdad had begun to abuse her when she was a teenager and she ran away from home with nothing. This woman found her and said, "I know how you can make some money and support yourself." And she became a prostitute, not very long, but she did sell her body for prostitution.

Now this is years later, she's married to a wonderful man, she has children, everybody thinks she's just precious. She said, "I've never told anybody this, but I'm telling you." And I said, "Well, how does it make you feel?" She said, "It makes me feel free because you don't look at me any differently now than you did before I told you."

So I suggest you find one person that you can tell and share it with them. And just think about the freedom that you feel when you tell your story.

You know, I love the story of Joseph. [00:27:56] He had a bad story to begin with. Joseph, if you recall, was one of the favorite sons, his father, he had the coat of many colors and he was the least favorite sibling of all of his brothers. And he had a dream that, that he was going to be at some point in his life, his father and his brothers and his mother were all going to bow down to him. And in his naivety, I guess he told his brothers that dream, which made them hate him even more.

And over the next several years, Joseph was sold into slavery by his brothers. He was falsely accused of attempted rape by the man who owned him, his wife. He was thrown into prison. And at each step it says God was with him. But this did not look like a good story. And I imagine Joseph was thinking, this is not how this story is supposed to go.

But eventually he ended up interpreting one of the Pharaoh's dreams, about seven years of plenty followed by seven years of want. [00:29:01] And he was made second in command of Egypt. And that dream finally came to fruition.

Now, when he had his sons, he named one Ephraim and one Manasseh. And before his father Jacob died, he took his sons to be blessed and he put his sons before his dad. Manasseh was supposed to get the blessing and Ephraim was there also, but Manasseh the oldest would get the main blessing from his grandfather. And Joseph put his oldest son right in front of his father's right hand to receive the blessing. But then Jacob crossed his hands and he gave the better blessing to the youngest.

Now what's so important about that? Well, Manasseh's name meant God has caused me to forget in the land of my suffering. Ephraim, his youngest son, meant God has caused me to be fruitful in the land of my suffering. So what got the better blessing? It's not enough just to forget. We can be fruitful in the land of our suffering. [00:30:01] That is the son that got the better blessing.

And when we share our stories, we can be fruitful in our suffering, not just forgetting. So forgetting about it is not enough. That's not the better blessing. The better blessing is to use what we've gone through and to help other people.

You know, it tells us in scriptures, it says, God comforts us in all of our afflictions so that... and man, those two words are important. So that we can in turn comfort someone when they're struggling with the same comfort we've received from God.

That's kind of convoluted there, but basically what that verse Paul is saying, God doesn't comfort us just to make us comfortable. God comforts us so that we can comfort other people, makes us comfort-able. One way that God redeems our stories is we can use what we've gone through to then comfort someone else.

You know, Laura, for years I went through infertility and I lost a child. And when those things happened to me, who did I want to talk to? [00:31:00] I wanted to talk with someone who had gone through the same struggles that I had gone through, someone who had also lost a child, someone who had also gone through infertility.

We have gone through particular struggles in our lives and God will bring people across our paths who need to hear our particular story. At that point we will have a decision to make. Am I going to share my story or am I going to keep it to myself?

You know, there was some parts of my story that honestly at the beginning I really didn't want to tell. Then I sensed from God, Him speaking to my heart and Him saying, "Would you rather people think well of you or think well of Me?" And I'm like, "Oh Lord, I want people to think well of you." So honestly there's nothing I'll hold back any longer.

Now I want to say one thing, Laura, because I think this is so important. As we've talked about these four steps to healing, let me tell you what I'm not talking about. I am not talking about just going out and telling people every bad thing that's ever happened to you or every bad thing that you've ever done. [00:32:03] Just sharing the bad part of your story. That's not going to help anyone.

What does help someone is when we do share what has happened to us and how God has healed us, how we share what we have done, and how God has forgiven us and we've moved forward. So it's not like we're telling this long story of everything bad that's happened and then at the end we tack on Jesus, give Him a little sideline at the end,"Oh yeah, then I met Jesus and everything's fine." That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about using our story is almost like a modern-day parable of how Jesus can do in your life, how He can heal you, how he can get you through these dark times and show you His glory. So I wanted to clarify that too.

Laura Dugger: I think it's so helpful to hear how this has proven true in your own life. That's so hard to hear what all you've gone through, and yet I can see why that would very much help others. And you can glorify God through sharing that. [00:33:04]

So how can all of us view our story through a lens that makes it all worthwhile?

Sharon Jaynes: When you go to the eye doctor, if you've ever been before, you know, you sit down in the chair and they have the eye chart up and they put a lens down. They say, which can you see the chart better? Lens one or lens two? Lens three or lens four? And we pick which lens helps us to see the chart the best, the clearest.

I think we need to make sure that we are looking at our stories through the right lens. Looking at our stories through the sovereignty of God, the grace of God, or looking at it through grumbling and saying how much we don't like our story.

You know, going back to Joseph, remember his story did not turn out like he thought he would. Those 20 years or so of him getting from his father's house to Egypt. But when his brothers came to him and he revealed who he was, that he was indeed the boy that they had sold into slavery and they were scared to death, don't you know they were, he said, "You know what? [00:34:11] You meant evil against me, but God had been it for good, the saving of many lives."

And it's so easy for us to look through that lens of, oh poor me and I can't believe this happened and why this, why me? Why now? We can look through that lens and get stuck there or we can look at the better lens, that lens that says that God uses all things to work together for the good. That doesn't mean all things are good.

I'm not going to say losing my child was a good thing, but I am going to say that God has used it for good because now I can empathize with someone who has gone through that same struggle and I can share with them the healing power of God. Because you see my pain qualifies me to know what I'm talking about.

So many times we think that what we've done in our lives or maybe what was done to us disqualifies us. But no, it qualifies us to know what we're talking about and it makes us believable, it makes hope conceivable and it makes God visible. [00:35:13]

Laura Dugger: Wow. And Sharon, there's still so much more that we could cover that we won't have time for today, but if people want to learn from you further, where would you direct them to find you online?

Sharon Jaynes: They can go to Sharonjaynes.com and my last name is J-A-Y-N-E-S. So Sharonjanes.com. This book has a Bible study in the back of the book. So it's great for people to do with a friend or to do in groups.

Also on my website there are videos. So there are video lessons that go along with the study guide in the back of the book. You can also get the book on Amazon, [TBD?], your local bookstore, Barnes and Noble, you know, anywhere where you tend to buy Christian books, it's there too. There are some extra resources on my website that go along with the book if they want to check it out there.

Laura Dugger: Perfect. Okay. Well, we will link to all of that in our show notes today. We are called The Savvy Sauce because "savvy" is synonymous with practical. [00:36:18] And so as my final question for you today, what is your savvy sauce?

Sharon Jaynes: I think when it comes to When You Don't Like Your Story, the savvy sauce for me is really listening to other people's stories, loving on people when they tell me their stories, and then using those stories as modern-day parables. That really helps me to make it practical.

As you'll read these stories in the book, you'll see that when we have a modern-day parable, just like when Jesus told parables, when He talked about the kingdom of God is like a mustard seed, it's like yeast that's in the dough. It makes it practical for us and it helps us to understand what He's talking about.

And I think it's the same way when we listen to other people's stories and when we tell our stories. It makes it very practical to say, this is what Jesus looks like and this is what He does.

Laura Dugger: You articulate all of that so well. I appreciate your vulnerability and your willingness to go first. [00:37:20] You've been such a role model to all of us for how we can start to share our stories to heal ourselves, to benefit the listener, and ultimately to glorify God. So, Sharon, thank you again for being my guest.

Sharon Jaynes: Thank you.

Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners, but Christ desires to rescue us from our sin, which is something we cannot do for ourselves.

This means there is absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So, for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a Savior.

But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute. [00:38:21] This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news.

Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us.

Romans 10.9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.

So would you pray with me now? Heavenly Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? [00:39:20] We trust You to work and change lives now for eternity. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him. You get the opportunity to live your life for Him. And at this podcast, we're called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you ready to get started?

First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision, my parents took me to Barnes & Noble and let me choose my own Bible. I selected the Quest NIV Bible, and I love it. You can start by reading the Book of John.

Also, get connected locally, which just means tell someone who's a part of a church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps, such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.

We want to celebrate with you too, so feel free to leave a comment for us here if you did make a decision to follow Christ. [00:40:22] We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.

Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.

If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.