A Letter to the Wife Looking to Improve Her Sex Life // Ellen Holloway

Letters to Women - Exploring the Feminine Genius

Ellen Holloway is my guest in this first episode of this Letters to Wives season! She is a Catholic Sexuality and Intimacy Coach and she's helping us learn how to have a great sex life without needing to go to confession.

The Catholic Church is actually incredibly PRO sex and intimacy … but where can you go to learn about the topics you just don’t want to Google?

We’re talking about what to do when sex isn’t pleasurable for you as a wife and what to do if sex is painful. We’re also covering feeling totally touched out by the end of the day and just wanting to skip sex and go straight to sleep. Plus, we’re talking about how to find answers if you rarely (or never!) orgasm and what it’s like for Ellen to be a Catholic in the world of sexology.

If you’ve a Catholic wife looking to improve your sex life, but not interested in the kinds of advice you find online, sister, this letter is for you!

Topics we cover:

• Ellen’s story as a Catholic woman

• The origin story of Ellen’s podcast, Charting Towards Intimacy, and how she became a Catholic sexuality and intimacy coach

• Why it’s important to reflect on who taught you about sex and how to bring Jesus into that space

• Why sex should never hurt or be painful and how to find healing for both your body and your soul

• Ellen’s lube recommendations (and why you should leave the coconut oil in the kitchen)

• What to do if you rarely (or never!) orgasm

• Practical tips to start talking with your spouse more about your sex life

• The 10 minute unwind and how it can make a difference if you’re feeling too touched out for sex

• What it’s like for Ellen to be in the field of sexology as a Catholic

• How Ellen lives out the feminine genius in her everyday life as a Catholic wife

Resources for you:

• Listen to the Charting Toward Intimacy podcast

• Follow Ellen on Instagram

• Check out Vines in Full Bloom

• Holy Sex by Dr. Gregory Popcack

• The Orgasm Course for Catholic Women

• Catholic Sex Positions Guide

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Discussion questions:

1. Who taught you about sex when you were in second grade? Do you think this education was appropriate? How did what you learn back then impact what you think about sex now as a wife?

2. When you think about your sex life, do you get overwhelmed? What might be the root of your overwhelm—pain during sex? Lack of pleasure? What is one practical thing you can do after this podcast episode to find healing in your sex life with your spouse?

3. How often do you talk about sex with your husband? Would having a daily, five minute conversation with your spouse about sex be something you could make a part of your day?

4. What would you 10 minute unwind look like in an ideal world? Would it include Scripture, reading, journaling, sitting in the silence? Make a plan for what you’ll do the next time you sit down to unwind at the end of the day.

5. Sex is a form of communication. What are some things that you love about your spouse that you want to communicate to them both in and out of the bedroom?