43 - When Marriage is a Let-down

B-RAD with Brad Toews

Have you ever been disappointed by your spouse, partner, child, parent, or friend?

Perhaps nothing stings as much as the disappointments we face in our long-term romantic relationships, especially marriage. Unfortunately our popular culture sets us up for these disappointments and let-downs with happily ever after and other insanity like Tom Cruise’s classic line, “you complete me”, from the movie Jerry McGuire.

As if.

I’ve dealt with my share of disappointment in my eighteen year marriage. Both giving and receiving. And more than that, I’ve been completely undone and stripped bare, learning how to re-imagine a marriage after deep crisis. It hasn’t been all unicorns and rainbows, that’s for sure.

In this episode I interview my wife Dawna about her perspective on expectations, disappointments, and the let-down’s of life, in the context of marriage and our closest relationships.

Four years ago we stepped back from the brink of divorce and have learned to recognize unhealthy ingrained patterns of behaviour and habits, to let go of false beliefs about ourselves and each other, and to realize that frustrations and disappointments are the opportunity for healing and true growth into who we are meant to be as individuals.

More than that, we are learning how to show up for each other in our marriage without expectations of the other. And learning that letting go of how we think our spouse should be allows them to be who they really are. It frees them to move towards us in safety and honesty. That’s real intimacy. Better than a fairytale.

My wife Dawna is a wise woman and she shares some strategies for helping people move through and learn from the let-downs of life; ideas for how to let go of our expectations of other people (our partners and children especially), how to connect with and release our emotions in a healthy way, and how to cultivate true gratitude.

Where to find Dawna & resources mentioned in this episode:

• Instagram
• Facebook
• Rawmama
• Switchfoot’s Beautiful Letdown

Full shownotes at Brad Toews