Father's 3 Virtues

Authentic Men's Group podcast

Father’s 3 Virtues

Introduction

Here are some quotes about fathers made in AMG sessions:

• I never heard my dad tell me he loved me, ever.
• When I had a dream or a vision I had it dashed by my father.
• I began to measure up to my Dad when I made more money than he did.
• I don’t ever remember my dad and mother hugging.
• My dad only showed one emotion and that was anger.

There is a deep longing in all of us to connect with our fathers. Robert McGee in his book Father Hunger said it well:

“What better word than hunger can describe the sensation of wanting a father’s love. Indeed, the desire goes beyond mere want. It is truly a need. We don’t just want our fathers to love us; we need them to love us. This kind of emotional hunger acts in many ways just like physical hunger… Such hunger is a drive that must be met…”

The 3 V Approach

(Virtues, Values & Vulnerability)

With all of the cultural and societal change the challenges of parenting can be overwhelming. What does effective fathering look like today? Where does one find the answer to all of the alterations that have taken place in recent times? The answer comes back to history; long history, as in ancient history. The most enlightening directives for modern-day fatherhood come from that which is most enduring; the virtues, the values and the vulnerability demonstrated by those who went before us.

Virtues – Explaining and exemplifying positive virtues has a permanent impact no matter what the culture. Affirmative qualities like honesty, diligence, service, trust, forgiveness, honor, and respect; to name a few. The proclaiming and demonstrating the goodness of a life well-lived is something that fathers can give that will create the bedrock for the generations to follow.

Demonstrating a virtuous life encompasses five components of holistic health:

1. Social Goodness: To display to our children the value of being a good citizen provides security for them. Showing them how to look for the good in others and ways to do good for others is a foundation that will provide grounding for our kids.
2. Physical Health: To show our kids the importance of being healthful will prove to helpful to their holistic development and will give them stability. Being strong and healthy for the purpose of interacting and protecting those who are dear to us is a good example for those who follow us.
3. Intellectual Vigor: To let our kids know by showing them the importance of using our mind in a way that it is not shaped by others will provide a good basis for them. Demonstrating the adventure of finding out new things along with the learning and passing down of ancient truth will facilitate the endurance of intellectual health.
4. Emotional Freedom: Learning to express our emotions in healthy and constructive ways and leaving will grant a great heritage. Ending the message of ‘big boys don’t cry’ and replacing it with the communication that sensitivity to self and others is a good way to live now and in the future. To demonstrate to our kids the power of such emotions as peace and joy will give stability as will demonstrating support in the expression of their negative emotions.
5. Spiritual Well Being: To solicit the power of the human spirit by being in touch with The Divine will give great grounding to our kids. The teaching of the structures and standards of religious practice in their formative years is good practice. When they have the container of religion to hold truth when they are young they can learn to overflow the container with relationships when they are adults. Embracing inclusive and expansive spiritual practices is good stability for our descendants and the culture in which they will live.

Values – To know our value and show our kids theirs is a good way to create stability in the midst of changing times. This value places the character above performance. Letting our kids know of the positive character traits they possess invites them to apply these beneficial mannerisms to anything they set out to accomplish. As they know their core value they will know core values. The personal value expressed will provide corporate value experienced in both family life and society. The best way to teach those close to us their value is to know our own. We can’t teach what we don’t know. By knowing our positive character traits, strengths, and gifts we can help others identify their positive attributes.

Vulnerability – The humility of vulnerability gives stability. To be authentic and real is another way to demonstrate grounded-ness in the culture of change. It is important to show our essential truth demonstrated in everyday life. This shows up by being authentic with everyone and vulnerable with a select few. We not only tell the truth but also live the truth as we see it. We have no secrets. It means being open, honest, and transparent. It encompasses an apology when we make mistakes and deferring honor to those who have helped us when we have success. It means admitting our weakness and celebrating our strength in the presence of those who make it safe to do so. It means being real and letting our realness be demonstrated in the here and now.

Big changes in our culture can be best addressed by little applications in our day-to-day lives. As we consistently live a healthy and holistic life before our children and grandchildren we can influence their stability and the stability of the world they will live in. Take a 3 V Approach 1. Virtues 2. Values 3. Vulnerability