Awkward...

Authentic Men's Group podcast

Awkward and embarrassing things happen, it is all part of the human experience. How we handle these experiences can impact us greatly.

1. When you are sitting on the toilet at public restroom and you see a stranger through the crack in the door.
2. When you have someone at your house and they will not leave.
3. When there is confusion between a hug and a handshake. (A hugshake)
4. When you meet someone at the grocery store and should know their name but don’t
5. When people you don’t really know sing happy birthday to you.
6. When you say “You too” after someone says,”Have a good vacation” and you thought they were going to say, “Have a good day
7. When you have said “What” two times already and still have no idea what the person is saying.
8. When you go to a party and the only person you know goes to the bathroom for what seems like forever.
9. When you are taking your dog for a quick walk and your retired neighbor stops you for a chat.

Being human is awkward but we can get good at it.

Just watch a toddler learning to walk. They make a lot of mistakes, take a lot of tumbles, get some bruises but as they practice and learn from their awkwardness they eventually learn to walk and run and skateboard and ski and surfboard and ride a bike and do all manner of things that overcome the awkwardness.

Life is awkward and is filled with embarrassing moments.

What purpose does embarrassment have?

Guys suck at embarrassment. How do we get better at it?

• Dare we be grateful for our embarrassment?
• Is there such a thing as healthy embarrassment?

Embarrassment on its own isn't a massive problem, so don't fear it: understand it.

1. It invites us to humility and modesty.
2. It's always about others, even if they're not there to see us
3. I want to fit in. Fear of not fitting in. Isolation, not belonging
4. Lone monkey is a dead monkey, helps us be aware of what the tribe norms and needs are.
5. Its a non-verbal way of building trust.
6. People who shoshow their embarrassment are deemed to be trustworthy with the converse also being true; people who try to hide their embarrassment
7. Embarrassment is like Teflon. Nothing sticks then. We all can relate and it evokes compassion and empathy. “I’ve been there or had a similar experience.

The Progression From Awkward

Awkward > Embarrassment > Choice (V or P)

(V)ulnerability, Authenticity, Acceptance & Expression

It is what it is and I am who I am.

I am good and can make Errors and mistakes

OR

(P)rotection, Inauthenticity, Denial, Shame

Guilt - I am bad and judge myself

Bullying - I want to make someone pay for my embarrassment Narcissists push embarrassment on someone else

Humility is a significant part of our humanity. It is authentic. It accepts our limits.

Humiliation is not accepting our humanity. It truly is inauthentic. It says we shouldn’t have limits.

How to Move From Awkward to Authentic Using The Circle of Relationships

Our focus for addressing the awkward is going to be on the inner three circles because it seems that we experience most of our awkward moments around people we don’t know or who don’t know us very well.

Outer relationships cause awkward moments. Getting together with family you haven’t seen

1. Circle #1 - Source Relationship

Know that our value is not in what we do but in the character traits we have. We are not the sum of our tangibles, we are the expression of our intangibles.

We have incredible character traits and innate abilities that are just waiting for expression

Like the toddler we won’t get to experience them if we don’t take the steps to give them expression. It will mean that we will fall down, … alot!

1. Realize learning is about laughing. If we learn to laugh at ourselves we will learn a lot more in life. Let’s not take ourselves so seriously.
2. The Inner Circle Relationships #2 - The Intimate Relationship

When we are moving in the healthy progression from awkward our select few relationships can be so beneficial.

1. People who express healthy embarrassment are more likely to see them as trustworthy. We tend to view it as a "nonverbal apology,"

One of key mantras of AMG is that we are “authentic with everyone, vulnerable with a few”

1. Let sex guide us. Good sex is about turning awkward into the fun and the enjoyable. When we just go with it, intimate expression turns from awkward to adventure, from uneasy to pleasing, from self-conscious to shared ecstasy.

There is something wonderful about moving from the mutually awkward to the mutually enjoyable. When we become authentic and vulnerable and this is the wonderful experience we have.

1. Talk about feelings of embarrassment openly. Again this is the healthy progression from awkward to embarrassment to vulnerability.

This is what can be so connecting with our intimate partner. Emotional vulnerability has a huge part to play in our sexual attachment. As a matter of understanding this is where most women want to have interplay. When a woman feels emotionally connected she will be much more open to physical connection.

3. The Inner Circle Relationships #3 - The Select Few Relationship

This is what connects #3 relationships. There is mutual vulnerability about the things that may not be easy to share with anyone.

This is what we are constantly practicing in weekly AMG meetings. In groups of no more than six men for 90 minutes a week we talk about life’s awkward moments. It is in the confidential and trusted presence of these men we give and receive authenticity and vulnerability. We can give and receive acceptance knowing that we are all fellow strugglers in life and relationship.

• Who are your 3-5 people that you practice being awkward with or having healthy embarrassment with

Here are some acknowledgments of vulnerability:

• Vulnerability is neither comfortable nor is it excruciating.
• Vulnerability gives freedom in knowing that the more shame is talked about the less it exists.
• In accepting their imperfection men realize they are perfectly acceptable.
• Being vulnerable allows men to let go of who they think they should be and just be who they really are.
• Vulnerability is the core of shame and rejection but it is also the birthplace of joy and creativity; belonging and love.
• Openness allows a knowing of an ongoing relationship even though the end result is not known.
• Because of vulnerability there can be a request for intimacy without fear of rejection.
• Men are finding the only way to evolve is to be open fully to the way they are.
• Deception and lying allows people to be comfortable but only vulnerability allows for deep connection.
• Vulnerability can allow men to change their world instead of protecting themselves from it.
• When openness is present the heart gets better.
• Being vulnerable means being open for wounding but also open for pleasure. It means being open for hurt but also open for healing. It is not much wonder members of AMG groups are making incredible progress in life, love and intimacy. The courage of vulnerability is assisting such evolution.

Conclusion

The most effective approach to awkward and embarrassing moments is to process them openly in the presence of trusted people. It is vulnerability not protection that sets us free and helps us to enjoy this awkward journey we call life.