Jobby Catchers, Shit and Run and it Pays to Know Dick Van Dyke with Liam Withnail

The Poodcast

THE POODCAST is all about finding the funny side of life when your bum and your tum just won't behave. Evie and Claudia share their experiences of living with Gluten Sensitivity and IBS, and are joined by an incredible line up of guests, from influencers, supermodels and comedians to academics, dieticians and writers. People who can relate and share their own lived experience about life with bowel and bladder conditions.

Our guest this week is Liam Withnail stand up comedian and cohost of https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/enjoy-an-album-with-liam-withnail-christopher/id1558358559

There could be no-one better that Liam to share a shit story or two this Crons and Colitis Week, https://crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/get-involved/your-story/crohns-and-colitis-awareness-week. He has over 10million TikTok/Instagram views and hosts popular podcast Enjoy an Album, alongside Christopher Macarthur-Boyd. He is also a regular guest on BBC Radio Scotland’s Breaking the News and has also been heard on The Good, The Bad and The Unexpected, seen on Socially Distant with Susan Calman and has written on Scot Squad.
His 2023 Edinburgh Fringe show ‘Chronic Boom’ was a sellout success and received widespread critical acclaim, racking up sixteen 4 and 5 star reviews including from The Independent and The Times, making it one of the best reviewed comedy shows of 2023. The show detailed the emotional story of facing up to a chronic illness and reckoning his new reality during a hospital stay. Liam will be taking the show on his debut UK tour in Spring 2024. You can get tickets via the link tree on his insta profile.

https://www.instagram.com/liamwithnail/?hl=en

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Transript

Our world is dying, politicians are lying, and just when you feel like crying, sit and have a listen to people who have shit themselves. Hello, I'm Claudia. Hi, I'm Evie, and we are the hosts of the poodcast. We're breaking the poo taboo. Taboo. God. Okay. My, my voice is, is dropped at the minute. My balls as well, and I'm really enjoying it.

Before we started recording, Claudia claimed that this was because of the weather and it was dark. What? That my voice is dropped? Yeah. What do you mean? Well, you were going, I just, things, you know, hard to have motivation at the moment, I think it's, uh, the weather. I was like, and your voice as well. So, Claudia's got a deeper voice now because it's winter, but in the summer, you just wait, guys.

You know, it's like how people have like their summer hot selves. This is my winter grunty man phase. Ooh, I like it, it suits you. Which actually can, this brings me on what I wanted to talk to you about today. Okay. Um, about winter hibernation. Ooh, okay, I feel like I could do that. I found out this recently.

Okay. That when bears go into hibernation, Um, they basically have like a bear butt plug. Yeah, oh yes, yeah. Did you know about this? I learnt about that from watching Doctor Dolittle. Do you know the one with, um, Eddie Murphy? Yeah, no, I know Doctor Dolittle. Yeah, but they talk about that. Do they? The bear says, I need to, I eat loads of food too so I can basically have a large butt plug.

It does not. On the children's film, Doctor Dolittle, there is a bear that talks about butt plugs. There is. That's where I learned about this. You learned about butt plugs through Dr. Doolittle. I learned that bears do it when they're hibernating. They have a giant butt plug. And I swear to God he says, I've got a plug in my butt.

I swear. That's what the bear says. I feel like every week you just ruin a little bit more of my childhood. Welcome to the real world, sweetheart. Well, I was going to read you this thing about the bear butt plugs, even though you already seem to know about it. So it just says, um, Black bears in particular recently emerged from four or more months of winter dormancy during which time they did not eat, drink, defecate, or urinate.

After some intense foraging in the fall, black bear actively slows down. I don't know why I'm following this specific bear. Why does it fucking say it? Okay, during the months when they are dormant, black bears have what is called a fecal plug that blocks their gastrointestinal tract. Much of this plug consists of hair.

That the bear ingests while licking its coat. It's obviously grim, yeah, but That's what he does in Doctor Dolittle, he starts licking Shut up! Stop pretending like this happens in Doctor What, you see the bear, it just suddenly cuts to the bear just licking its own friggin fur so that it can butt plug itself.

I'm this is I'm googling this right now. Well, I'm gonna put this picture on our channel because it is absolutely Rank, and apparently, yeah, when the bear emerges in the spring, the plug is expelled. But also, the thing that cracked me frickin up about this, was why is it Yeah, Archie the bear. Yes! Are you actually, did you find this?

Yes! Screen at Parental Review, Dr. Doolittle 2. Sorry, I've just seen on Reddit the top comment. What if they take it in and rubs it the wrong way? What? Well this said on Reddit, oh my god I can't speak. This said on Reddit, that hibernating bears form a backplug of hardened feces in their rectum, known as TAPEN.

T A P E N. Possibly to keep ants out of dat ass. And then Devious805 commented on the thing, Is this where the term Tapping that ass came from? Hahahahaha! Uh, that's fucking incredible. Um, so yeah, I haven't got this person thing going on, although sometimes it fucking feels it. When I've eaten the wrong thing, it feels like I've got a friggin fecal butt plug.

But I haven't. So before you ask, you know, the age old question of how my bum and tum is, that I don't have a fecal butt plug. You, you don't. I don't currently, no. Um, do you want to watch this Sex scene from Dr. Dolittle? Not right now. We're trying to friggin record this. Oh, we can't. Oh, you're gonna play it?

Oh, yeah, go for it then. Thanks. God, I sound like a miserable bitch, don't I? Not right now, Evie! I'm not having fun. I'm supposed to climb into a small dark space and sleep for six months? Yes, that's what bears do. It's called hibernation. Sounds more like depression. Wait, how do I eat? Well, you don't eat.

What you do is, uh, is you eat a lot during the summer, and that lasts you throughout the whole winter. Where do I go to the bathroom? Well, there's no going in the bathroom. What? You're kidding. I'm serious. What you do is, uh, a week before you hibernate, you start eating things like dirt, and moss, and hair, and grass, and it forms a big, big plug in your, um, It plugs up your, your uh, Shut the fuck up.

It plugs my butt? Oh yeah, it blocks it all up. Big nasty hairy plug of hair and grass Big nasty Whoa, whoa, wait! So you want me to sleep for six months with a big cork in my butt? Shut up. So, you know. I'm sorry. I am genuinely sorry. That's alright. I just thought, you know, she's a bit, she's a bit fucked up.

She's definitely had a dream that Dr. Doolittle told her about butt plugs. It's not very well reviewed is what I will say. The butt plug or Dr. Doolittle?

It's got 42 I wonder if that might be down to the buttplug scene. But yeah, that's where I learned about buttplugs, Dr. Dolittle2. And I would always try and Mistress, where did you learn about buttplugs? I bet, I bet a lot of them from that. Do you, do you, have you seen that film before? I, is that the first one?

Second one. No, then I haven't seen it before. That's why you didn't know anything about Blood Plug. We were actually talking recently on a night out about what our first like sexual awakening is. Have we spoke about this before? I think so, but I'm always up for that. Because I spoke about mine, that was when it's, it's Jasmine in the red bikini in Aladdin.

And she comes out going, Jafar. Yeah, yeah. Jafar. And that was mine. And one of the girls I was with was like, Well, it's obviously all of the chimney sweeps and Mary Poppins. What? She's like, it doesn't matter which one it is. They're going to clean you out real nice, aren't they? It's just all of them. It's just all of them.

Yeah, they would sort your butt plug right out. I think I might have quite a fun fact about them. Go on. About, have you seen, um, Titty Bang Bang? Yeah. And you know how they do the old bamboo? The old bamboo. They are all the chimney sweeps from Mary Poppins. Same people. I mean, it's like they're in rep. I love that for them, I bet they were constantly in work.

Good job boys. It pays to know Dick Van Dyke, I tell you that. Oh, we've been saying it for years. Um, that was, I didn't, you know, I didn't actually let you ask me how my bum and tum was. If we've got any new listeners, the way the podcast usually works is that we let each other ask the age old question of How is your bum?

How is your tum? But I just launch straight in. with bare faecal butt plugs. Big nasty plug. But, my bum and tum are actually doing quite well this week. That's obviously tremendous. How, how are your bum and tum? Oh, I said I wasn't going to talk about it but I am. Are you kidding? Yeah, I've got ingrown hair.

It was the first thing right before we started she was, we were talking about, you know, we need to make sure we know what we're talking about in this introduction. She went, well I'm absolutely not going to talk about the ingrown hair. In the first, it's been three seconds, I'm like, I need to. I didn't even press you.

No, I don't, I don't, the thing is, I don't want to talk about it because I'm trying to forget, um, but it's just painful, it doesn't look good, you know, and I'm really trying to have sex with people at the moment. She's really trying. No, I'm not actually trying at all. No, it just happens. It just happens.

What's that like? Keep them away.

Oh yeah, you don't know because you've got a made up husband. I swear to God, every time I come to Claudia's house, I'll be like, oh, is Rich in? This is what has happened three times in a bounce. Oh no, he's out. He's out all day. I think he's, he's had cricket. He's been out since 10 o'clock this morning. Oh, okay.

It was a Sunday night. Maybe he's doing something else. Not every weekend. Last week I came, I went, Oh, hey, um, so is, uh, is Richard in? No, baby's in France. Oh, he's in France. He's, um, yeah. One of his friends was, uh, a little, a little bit sad. So, uh, they're in France because his friend was His friend was sad.

Okay, okay, he got here, he was like, Oh, maybe I'll bring some sweets or something. Uh, but I suppose that maybe the Claudia and Rich haven't eaten yet, and he came in the front door. Hello, hello, how are you? Yeah, great. Where's, uh, where's Rich? Exeter, he's in Exeter. I was like, do you, you are like one of the people who would, like, lose their virginity over the summer holiday to someone from a different school.

If I had not been to your wedding, I would not believe you have a husband. I don't think he's real. He's never. Yeah. You know in um, have you seen Avenue Q, the musical? Yes. And it's like, have I told you about my girlfriend? My girlfriend who lives in Canada. Yeah. He is real, guys. He is. I mean, maybe I'm just insufferable and just wanted to get away every weekend.

No, I think he's just a good friend to people. Except to me. It's Not on Sundays anyway. It's so funny, people generally, I think, get in relationships to have something to do on a Sunday. Yeah, no, he's gone. Whereas your husband is quite the opposite. That's why I invite you round, just to You don't, I tell her.

All the time, yeah, you always fucking show up, that's it. Oh God, right, well You bum in your tum. Oh, yeah. Yeah, ingrown hair. Ingrown hair. The less they said about my tum, the better I think it would be. Well, that's okay. I just want to not think about it today because it's been up and down. Yeah. And now compounded by the ingrown hair.

I don't know if you get this. I get absolutely obsessed. If there's something wrong with me, I believe medically, I think about it 24 hours of the day. Yeah, I do think about it a lot. I obsess over it and it's not like, oh, I've got an ingrown hair at the moment. It's a bit annoying. So, yeah. I spent the entire walk from mine to yours thinking about how I could have played my life differently in order for that not to have happened.

But like, how could you have? Not shaved. Oh mate, don't do this to yourself. But like, I mean, you could say that about everything. Like, it's not like, you know, what is it? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, like. I, sorry, I really don't want to. I've never seen that film. It is a fucking gash. And I'm sick of people saying, Oh, do you know what I really like?

Do you know what film I love? I'll tell you what film. I know it's a bit different. It's a bit kooky. It's a bit out there. I'm so unique for liking it. But it's, uh, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. No. It's so wank. Stop it. Just watch Bridesmaids instead. Obviously, much less wank, and definitely not original thing to make.

It's so original, like in Bridesmaid. No, because the whole point is that it's not original, everyone likes it, because it's good. I've never even seen it. Who is it, Jim Carrey and Oh, um, yeah, Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, and, um, and it's like, oh, it's so Indian, she's so pixie dream girl, and, and Kirsten Dunst or something in a fair spoiler and it's like, oh don't care.

I don't care. I don't care about stupid men and their ideas Bring on our guest today creative genius Liam actually. Yeah, should we get on and chat to him now? Yeah, let's fucking chat to him Shall we and let's find out if he's a stupid man with stupid ideas Maybe let's not open it. No, i'm not going to start with that But by the end we will let him know if he's been judged and we can confirm Stupid man with not just one stupid idea not even multiple stupid.

Please. We'd like more male listeners. We wonder why I don't I don't mind if I don't know No I'd like more male listeners because I do really like men and I like the things that they say and do but just Eternal sunshine and spotless mind wasn't one of them. Can I just tell you one more thing before we talk to liam?

I shut down a man this week. I'm sorry? I, I shut him down. Who said you shut down a man? I shot him. Bang, bang. Um. He hit the ground. Bang, bang. I, there's, um, uh, somebody that I see quite a lot because I work with them. And every time I see them, they ask me if I'm having a baby. Every time. Every time. When's kids coming?

When are you having a baby? And why Not because they think you're pregnant, just us wondering when. Yeah, ever since I got married. Oh my fucking Ever since. I cannot bear it. And I've been trying to play it down with like, humour, I'm being like, oh, not yet, maybe not ever, LOL. Like, you shouldn't ask women that.

And On Friday, I snapped. So I walked past, and I was actually with my, uh, other colleague who's 8 months pregnant. And we walked past, and he goes, You having kids? Yeah? Why are you having kids? And I went, Do you know what? It's actually really offensive to ask people that. And he went, Why? What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? And I was like, Because for all you know, I've been trying to have a baby for years and years and years and it's causing me such pain and anguish in my life and every day you decide to just rip at that freaking wound a little bit more by asking me that. Or I've really decided that I don't want to have kids and you think it's fun to perpetuate that by making me feel bad about it.

Like, just stop asking women that. I love that from you. And then I walked off. Didn't even wait to hear his answer. It's very unlike me. It is actually, but I really think in that moment that's what's needed. Yeah, and he came and apologised. Fucking yes! Came and found me and he went, you know what, I've never thought about it like that.

It's something that I've always heard people ask. He was like, I've heard women ask other women. He was like, it didn't, I haven't thought about it like that and I'm really sorry. And he went, what can I ask you every time I see you? I went, well I really want a pet tortoise. So you can ask me every time you see me if I want a pet tortoise, yeah.

And he was like, that's what I'll do. And I thought, you know what, fair play to him. For being like, I hadn't thought about that, and I will take that on the chin, and I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm going to also ask you what to do instead. Yeah. And do you know what? This is how we affect change. This is how I, Dame Claudia Campbell, Ha!

Of the realm. Of the realm. It's breaking down. Will stop sexist chat. Yeah, okay, well. I just, I just really wanted that, you know, round of applause for me. Yeah, do you know what? Fucking get it, sis. Thanks. I learned that from you. Fucking yeah.

This week we are joined by Liam Withnail. Liam is a fellow podcaster and stand up comedian who uses comedy to discuss living with colitis and spotting vital symptoms. His 2023 Edinburgh show, Chronic Boom, received critical acclaim and luckily for those of you who missed it, Liam will now be taking the show on its debut tour in spring 2024, you lucky buggers.

Well I guess I'm lucky too because I didn't see it and I could go see it. Huzzah! Welcome, Liam. How are your bum and tum doing today? How are, how's my bum and tum doing? Well, do you know what, uh, I've had like a, quite a good, uh A few weeks, so yesterday I went a bit crazy and I had a, uh, a medium Nando's.

Oh, brave. Dicing with danger. Yeah, it's high risk for, for me. Um, and it's been okay. When I got home last night, I kind of had to, when I got in, I sort of said goodnight to my wife and I was like, I need to go to the toilet and adapt it. I had to rush. Good night and goodbye forever. Yeah, good night and goodbye.

Uh, have a good sleep. I'll see you some other time. I'm going. Uh, uh, my, my, my tum, my tum is okay. Uh, my bum, yeah, it's fine. It's, it's, it's, it's, you know. Feeling cute? I, I, I, I take a Is, is my bum feeling cute? I don't know about that. Perky? I don't know, I don't know how cute, I mean, the thing is, it's, my bum has caused me quite a lot of problems over the last two years.

So our relationship is We're not, we're not at a cute stage at the moment, you know what I mean? We're, we're learning to trust each other once again, you know? Are you on talking terms or, or not quite there yet? Well we have to communicate, it's very important, you know? It is. Um, but there was a period where we were, we fell out big time.

Well, so, could you tell us when, you know, things were pretty acrimonious between the you parent and, and, and how did that begin? I feel like this is Sex and the City, like, tell us, you know, when the relationship was good before, before things went, went a little bit squiffy. Acrimonious, uh, it was so I mean look I'm bloody typical bloke where my I had a bad stomach and bad Toilet habits for years before I did anything about it.

I kind of self diagnosed with IBS I just thought I've got IBS. You probably can't do anything about it You know and I was worried that if I actually went to a doctor about it, they would say something like well You should probably try giving up cheese and I thought not a chance. I'd rather I'd rather die.

Um, So I ignored it for years and it was pretty it was pretty bad. I was gonna you know what? It was bad and it got incrementally worse So I don't think I noticed quite how bad it was and you know I went from going to the toilet two times a day to three times a day to four times a day to five times a day to eventually You know, going to the toilet 10 times a day, basically.

And it never really being obviously good toilets, you know. Have you guys, have you spoken about the Bristol stool chart? Oh, baby. Yes, yes, yes. What number are we on? Where are we at? The heights we're hitting. I mean, we were looking basically exclusively eights and nines on the, uh, on the Bristol Stool Chart.

I mean, if you're in Strictly Come Dancing, it's fantastic, but Bristol Stool Chart, maybe not what you want. No, no, no, no poor Hollywood handshake there. It was, it was pretty bad, but I wasn't telling anyone and it would, there would quite often there would be blood and I'd go, well, hopefully that's not there tomorrow.

And I would just ignore it, you know? Uh, and it, it, it, for me, it reached, uh, a, a, a, point when I ran the London Marathon in 2021. Good for you. And I was, uh, I mean you say well done, I shat myself. Of course, like the best of them. Give Paula Radcliffe a call. Yes, Paula Radcliffe. I didn't actually shit myself during the London Marathon, it was after the marathon, uh, six months after.

It was the same day, it was the same day. Where, uh, basically, I'd had real trouble training for the marathon, uh, I, I, I, I, Ran all my life, but for some reason, no matter how much training I did, I felt like I wasn't getting any fit, or I was finding it really, really hard. Uh, I did the marathon anyway, because I'd raised money for charity, and I walked probably half of it, got to the end, went for dinner with my wife, and I fainted at dinner after, and When, sometimes when you faint, you evacuate your bowels.

That's what happened. I shat myself in a pizza restaurant after running the London Marathon. New merch just dropped! Emotional rollercoaster of a day, let me tell you. Oh my god. Um, so that was sort of big red flag number one, uh, brown flag number one. Yeah, what, what were you wearing? Was it, I mean, I mean, you shat yourself, you shat yourself, but you know, it's not his fault, it doesn't matter what, sorry, you wear whatever you want to wear when you shit yourself.

Victim blaming. You were not asking to shit yourself. She's a toxic bitch. There's no good clothes to shit yourself in. I was wearing tracksuit bottoms that I put on as a sort of post marathon, comfortable clothes to wear. Better than shorts, for sure. Much better than shorts. Better than shorts. But I mean, when you've got to get to London Underground with trackies full of shat, then there's no, it doesn't matter whether it's shorts or trousers, you know.

Were they cuffed at the bottom? Because you've had this, where they collected at the bottom. Yeah, tracksuit bottoms where they were elasticated at the bottom, so it's all collected. Here in Scotland, where I live, those types of trousers are called jobby catchers for that exact reason. No way! I love it. A local colloquialism for the poop, so, uh.

We know what this episode is called, jobby catchers, I love it. So that was, that was brown flag number one, was, uh, I fainted. A few weeks later, for the first time, I got really bad stomach cramps. I was, I got home from a gig, I was lying on my floor of the living room, just like, you know, getting, you know, I always feel a bit weird telling women about my stomach cramps.

That's okay. You're allowed stomach cramps. And you're allowed to feel awkward about telling us. I don't want to mansplain stomach cramps to you, but they're actually quite uncomfortable. Not great. Uh, so then I finally went to the doctor and then they started doing their tests. They did a blood test, found out it was really anemic, so they were trying to figure out what that was.

Basically, I had found out that without knowing, I ran the London Marathon during the height of quite a severe flare up of ulcerative colitis so that's what i fainted pretty dangerous really uh and got got away pretty lightly just with a fainting and a light chat um light chat as well just a gentle light i mean i would Say it, it wasn't, wasn't the heavy, I was only unconscious for about 12 seconds.

So there's so much showing enough, so much damage that could be done. But, uh, it was still bad. I mean, , I, I woke up after having fainted and I, I knew what had happened immediately. I imagine people in the restaurant next door knew. Uh, so, um, so that's when I got diagnosed. They put me on some medication and I kind of still wasn't really, I was like, ah, you know, I'll just take these pills and.

It's fixed, you know, um, uh, without really realizing what the pills were supposed to do and how much Improvement I was supposed to be showing and not really showing that improvement So I carried on those pills for a while every now and then have some stomach cramps I still was you know going to the toilet a lot.

The urgency was gone. And then I had a real bad flare up. I went to hospital. Have you got? So can I ask? I don't know. Do you guys have inflammatory bowel disease or IBS? IBS? One of the light shatters in terms of, you know? Yeah. Okay. You are valid, okay? We're still here, it's okay! Um, so, when they have when they do a blood test, uh, for colitis or Crohn's, they do the cow protectant tests where they test your inflammation levels inside your they can tell how inflamed your organs are from your blood, basically, and a healthy number of inflammation in someone where they send you home is, uh, anything five and under.

And on the day that I had this blood test, that's my number. was 84. Um, yeah, it's just a lot more than five. That's the best result I've had in any test in my life. I mean, if that's strictly come dancing, you know, you've got that glitter ball above your head. It's just like, you know, when you talk about, you've just started the day with the medium Nando's in this chat and then in levels of spicy, we're going hot, hot.

Where, yeah, that was extra hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The big X on it, yeah. Skull and crossbones I think. So, um, so they basically said, you're going to be in hospital for a little while. Because we need to bring this down immediately. So I was put on some pretty, uh, intensive medication. The first time I was in hospital I was there for 10 days.

Um, whilst trying to bring that number down. Uh, it came pretty close to having to, uh, have the surgery and, uh, have a stoma fitted. Um, didn't, that didn't, didn't come to that this time. Uh, and then about a month later, I had another flare up and went to hospital for about five days. So all together, uh, last year, about this time last year, I was in the hospital for two weeks.

Um, just trying to bring that number down and get back to a healthy amount. And we've been sort of Trialing and airing medications since then. I think I've been on about four or five different medications. Sort of go on them for a little while. They work for a bit, then they stop working. And then before you know it, you're going to the toilet eight, ten times a day, or getting stomach cramps or whatever.

The medicine I started in June, the last time I had a flare up, uh, is called Upatacetinib. And, uh, and that Seems to be, you know, tentatively, oh, okay. I'm just so nervous about saying that, in case it suddenly starts going wrong, you know. We're touching it. Yeah. You've got words. We've got words. I didn't realise it was that kind of podcast.

Only for bowel issues, Liam. Yeah, only for bowel issues. Right, right, okay, I'll go to the other podcast for all the other issues. But, um, So, Opioid is a, it's a biological, so it, it, it basically, ulcerative colitis, the issue is I have an overactive immune system. So the inner lining of your stomach, the protective layer, there's too much of it because for whatever reason my body thinks my bowel is bad.

So it's sending too much of this, uh, you know. healthy goo to protect the inner layer of the stomach. That's causing ulcers and that's where you get all your problems. So the way to deal with that is you take pills that bring down your immune system so that it works normally inside. The problem with that is Then you don't have an immune system.

So it's kind of a deal you have to make with yourself like, Yes, I won't go to the toilet 10 times a day. Yes, I won't be pooping blood. Yes, I won't shit myself at a marathon. But I will probably pick up colds and flus and coughs pretty regularly. So that's what, that's where I'm at with it at the moment.

But once a month at the moment, I'll get like a cough or a cold for a few days and it just wipes me out. And then you have to make the decision. Do I continue taking my medication? Um, or do I have a break off the medication to allow my immune system to work as normal to try and get rid of these germs?

So it's still, I mean, as much as it is better, it is still a constant in my life of having to think about and having to make choices every day. But I'm on a pretty good run. So that is why I treated myself to a medium Nando's yesterday. You deserve it. So far, it's been okay. Incredible, incredible. And outside also, sorry.

Please don't feel like you need to be like, Oh, well, you know, I'm on a good run, so therefore, I felt like I deserved the Nando's. You were talking to the two worst sort of food rats ever. We actively eat things that we know is gonna be just diabolical. We're content creators. We're content creators. I do this for the podcast.

It's not for me. Yes. That sounds unhealthy. You know, if you don't want to be eating stuff and you're eating it to create content, then that's fucked up. Sobbing. Sobbing. Yeah. Eating another loaf of bread. Just. Yeah. I'd do it for you. Of course. I mean, uh, I have sort of learned what I can and can't have, and every now and then I know there are things that I, look, you can't just, I can't just eat boiled chicken and scrambled eggs for the rest of my life.

Who would want to do that? So, outside of the medication, what in particular makes things better or worse for you? Uh, well, stress is a big trigger. Um, so, you know, and that's a big, I mean, We all want to be less stressed, right? So, in order to minimize stress in your life, you basically have to become a sort of guru who goes and meditates in the forest.

I can't do that either, you know? But you gotta try and manage, so try not to overwork, trying to get enough sleep, uh, simple things like that, you know? Just trying to not be too crazy all the time, or too upset, or whatever. So annoying, isn't it? All the stuff that's easy is what makes it Ridiculous. Awful.

It's never like go out on a mad one and you'll feel better. It's always like, wow, drink this flavored cheese. It's bloody bullshit, isn't it? It's the same as like losing weight or, or whatever. It's like, oh, diet and exercise, and you know. I know, I know. It's that. It's all the hard stuff. Yeah. It's eating well and looking after yourself and you not, and then you do it for a month and then you feel better and you go, well, this is Ock, so I have to do this forever.

Don't sign up to it. It's a scam. It's after the month. It's gone. It's like Vodafone. It's not real. Just don't do it. It's so annoying, isn't it? When it's like, well, I have been running and has my anxiety decreased? Yes. And I'm absolutely furious. Yeah, and I'm sleeping. I feel better and I feel just generally less hate towards the world, all because, and you realise what basic little fucking monkeys we are, just, we went running and some endorphins went pinging our brains, we go, I feel better, I feel better already, and Liam you mentioned kind of pre diagnosis, you were finding it difficult to speak about your toileting habits or just weren't speaking about it to others, what point did that change, was it, did you feel like you You absolutely had to once you were diagnosed with colitis.

But basically, yeah, particularly, you know, between my wife and myself and then going to the doctor as well, I just never really thought to go to the doctor and say, Hey, I go to the toilet five times a day. Is that abnormal? Should we check in on that? Like, I don't know as well if people have the same relationship with their doctor where They would just go in for a check in, you know?

I feel like that's something we don't really do in this country anyway, because Can't get an appointment. Yeah, exactly! The idea of I just feel so bad, like, you're taking up time, like There is nothing I'm just going for a catch up. wrong with me, do you know what I mean? Like, there is nothing I am managing my life day to day.

Yes, I'm probably going to the toilet more often than I should, and sometimes it doesn't look good. But, but I I I'm fine, really, I'm not in pain, so am I gonna waste a doctor's time saying, Mm, I poo too much, when they might just say, Well, stop eating cheese? So I don't want to hear that. That is why you didn't go, wasn't it?

That was the main thing. Well, no, yeah, largely, yeah, I was I I I know as well, my diet has been dreadful my whole life, right? I've never been someone who naturally You know, you meet people who wake up and gojo berries for breakfast. They're not real. They're not good. They taste like potpourri. I don't like it.

I've never had one and I never will. So just eat potpourri and it'll be the same. And you'll smell great. So I imagine my farts will smell better as well. Yeah. So I, I, I, I didn't want to waste anyone's time talking about it. It wasn't high enough a priority because I wasn't desperate enough at the time, um, to, to think about it really.

So definitely, uh, now it's, I mean, my wife, you know, if I, if I, if it was blood when I went to the toilet, I would tell my wife immediately and we would Discuss what to do next, you know? Like, now, now I have someone, you know, a few people who I can actually be open with about that. And people, now because I've so publicly spoken about it, people start telling me about their poos.

Oh, don't we know it? Yeah. My god. spokesperson for people's anuses. Yep. You didn't want that badge? Great on your passport. Well, Liam, can you tell us about that? When did this turn into you writing chronic boom? Boom. Can't speak. Chronic. Chronic, chronic boom. Uh, so I mean, I'm a stand up. I do the Edinburgh Festival every year and, uh, stand ups have this real toxic thing that lives inside us that whenever anything terrible happens to us, we go.

Well, I might get a show out of that, you know. Might get a nomination for the award. Yeah, might get, uh, might get some tasty reviews for this, uh, this horrible trauma. Fingers crossed my wife leaves. Yes, she might do. Cha ching! If I keep telling her about my bloody poos. Uh, so no, let me, I will say, when I was in hospital, I could not comprehend that this would ever be funny because it was serious.

When the doctor said to me if your number doesn't come down tomorrow, we are going to operate like I was terrified and I found it very difficult to see where this would ever be funny because also as a stand up people always say you get some material out of it and I thought this I can't. Comprehend this being material ever because it's not funny to me.

As time goes on, you know, uh, comedy is tragedy plus time and all that. Within a few months, I started to sort of see where some of the funniest stuff was. But also, I found it interesting. I wanted to speak about how I'd have to change as a stand up in order to get the show together. It's kind of what the show is about.

It's about how You can get a show together whilst living with a chronic illness and having to adapt your life. Being a stand up means going on the road, spending long times on public transport, eating late after gigs. These are all things that I have to think about in a completely different way when I'm living with a chronic illness.

So the show is kind of about how, how you do that as well at the same time. So it kind of came naturally because it was also my life at the time. And it's very, very exciting that you're going off on tour. How was the Edinburgh Fringe section of this? How does the Edinburgh Fringe fare as an inclusive space for somebody with a chronic illness?

Well, um, I mean, for someone who needs to watch what they eat and, uh, stress is a massive trigger. Go to the fridge! Doing the Edinburgh Festival is like sitting in the middle of a snow globe and someone shaking you up, you know? I somehow managed to get through the, uh, month without a flare up, which was, I mean, that was my main goal amongst everything else, you know?

I did that by basically not going too crazy. I don't drink anyway, so that was a bit easier. Um, I live in Edinburgh, so my accommodation is my house, so I'm not sharing a room with five other comedians or eating pot noodles out of shoes, you know. I've come back to my house and my house is my house and I can eat what I want.

Um, so I managed to stay on top of it that way and then the fringe was fantastic. I mean, we managed to pick up some good press early on, so then tickets sold really, really well and loads of Cool people came along and that's how we ended up getting the tour. So the, the, the, the festival was amazing and it's just good that there's still life for the show after the, the month of August.

Yeah. So when I was there at the friend, I try, I was only there for three days and all three days I was there, your show, your show was sold out, which was. Oh, I wish you'd have said, you could, if I'd known the Pood cast wanted to come along. You said some very cool people and I thought we weren't here, babe.

Excuse me. I would have made a space. It was funny actually because as the month went on, more and more people with IBS or inflammatory bowel disease came along, which as an audience can be difficult because you're always getting up and going to the bloody toilet. Yeah. And you've got to be inclusive.

You've got to be like, yeah, it's fine, but I must insist there are no latecomers. I actually read that Scotland has the highest level of people with IBD. In Europe. Wow. Really? Yeah. That's amazing. So it's interesting. They don't really seem to know why or where it comes from. I mean, I think there's some theories about it being processed food and stuff.

And that's why there's a spike now, like, you know, 20, 30 years after processed food becomes so industrialized. So maybe there's something to do with that. But, uh, I'm, I'm kind of not surprised to hear that because I meet so many people who have it all the time. And did you notice your sort of, um, social media following suddenly became, as we've experienced, accounts will suddenly be like, Oh, my God.

Rosie the poor or something. You're like, how, how is this for Rosie the poor? You guys know Rosie, eh? Yeah, good old Rosie. No, I don't think Rosie the poor follows me. I have certainly, but also Because the, uh, the way the show is sort of angled, not just with IBD, but also, you know, it's about living and adapting with chronic illness.

I have people who have all kinds of conditions who come to the show, who follow me, who speak to me after. Or sometimes it's not chronic illnesses, but people have had to spend long periods of time in hospital, or have had family members spend long periods of time in hospital. So, there's all different types of, like, interesting people that I've met throughout it, for sure.

It's amazing and it's just sort of what you think talking about before about feeling that you couldn't go to the doctor because it wasn't That bad or you felt like you might be wasting their time. We've spoken a lot about Kind of I guess the trauma Olympics and going well, remember one of the guests we had on sheet She got so used to just going to the toilet 20 times a day and she would like matches to try and eradicate the smell And she just sort of Gradually accepted that that was her life, and she didn't really sort of think anything of it, and the more we speak to the community, people have, you know, hugely varying experiences.

Some people who've had surgery, some people that have been in hospital, some people who, you know, manage it with, um, medication. So I just wondered what, in terms of the community, Do you identify as disabled? And when you're doing your show Chronic Boom, you're getting this following. Are you ever thinking, oh, is there ever that sort of self judgment around?

Oh, maybe I'm not as ill as that person. And maybe I'm not quite as ill as them. Yeah, absolutely. You kind of feel like a An imposter, a bit, and it's weird to have imposter syndrome about having a disability, right? Because you speak to people who, you know, are, have, for example, have had the surgery and are living with a stoma, and you think, God, here I am talking about all the stuff I've been through, different surgery, you know what I mean?

Or people who have, you know, quote unquote, more serious conditions than IBD, even, who have had to You know spend time in hospital, but then the way I think of it is you guys have IBS which is on paper Not a serious ulcerative colitis, right? But at no point Is there any actual hierarchy between what we're talking about?

We have shared experiences that have to do with going to the toilet all the time and having to, you know, map out your life according to this thing that's happened to you. And I think it's the same for, for anyone who's going through, through anything or, or people who Live with people who have that condition, and I think as long as you're open and honest about it all, then, uh, then people are pretty understanding, but I, I, I don't really, you, I don't think I say I'm disabled that often, unless it's gonna get me some grant money, uh, um, But, um, I, I, I do speak about living with, with a chronic illness, uh, and, and, you know, I do, you know, speak quite openly.

Uh, honestly about, you know, having ulcerative colitis for sure. And obviously you had great success with the show. You're now off on tour. Did audiences ever have any questions that you thought were a bit odd? How, how well is colitis known in the, in the fringe circuit? Any myths you need to debunk? Um, there wasn't myths, but I did have great chats with people after the show.

People would love to, because there's, I tell stories in the show that are like, the sort of funny, embarrassing stories about, you know. But I also explain what colitis is, so people had a good understanding after. I mean, I hadn't heard of it before I was diagnosed, you know. So, I kind of try to explain it in a way that's Easy to understand it and, and, and funny enough, but um, I could tell you some of the funny stuff people said to me after it.

There was a guy who told me actually that he was um, he was, he hadn't been diagnosed yet. He was currently going through, you know, when you're being diagnosed things, you have to send off a million like stool samples and blood tests. And he told me this, he uh, he went to work. And he'd asked his girlfriend to, uh, leave, uh, he'd left a stool sample in an envelope.

Can you take this to the doctor's for me? Now you've been to Edinburgh. It's all like beautiful old tenement buildings that can't be knocked down. So it's not like new modern. This looks like a doctor's. This, uh, especially like in Leith, everywhere just looks like street matching houses. Some are houses, some are doctors.

So this poor girl posted the stool samples. Ah! It's a hate crime, it's a hate crime, it's a hate crime. No, no, no, no! And then realized it wasn't the doctors, it was just someone's gaff. So, I had to go back and knock on the door and say, Sorry, I posted a stool shot to you a classic shit and run. You just, you don't, no, you don't go back.

You don't go back. Not on a shit and run. Oh my god. So yeah, I said to the guy, had you told me that a month ago? But before that would have been in my show, you know, that was one of my favorite ones. Yeah. But, but genuinely I had really like heartwarming conversations with people after the show, especially, you know, there were so many people who had stomas who I spoke to about, and they often said that, you know, it was the best thing that's ever happened to them because it meant they could live a functioning normal life.

So speaking to, speaking to people on, on different ranges and in different areas of their journey into it was, was interesting as well. It's a good community, isn't it? I mean, obviously, I'm, I'm sad that you're part of it, but I'm glad that you're part of it, because they're all legends, and everyone's really understanding.

But I think this is just such a big thing, is about sharing experiences about it, and, and realizing, you know, when you, when that, when you mentioned that lady lighting a match, I mean, we've got a box of matches in our bathroom, and, and I've done exactly that, so. So much of the reason of having the community is just realizing, Oh God, all these things I thought was just me, it turns out it's loads of people and you just, it's not, I mean, it's normalizing it, isn't it?

So I feel so much more normal for all this stuff that I used to not tell anyone about. I used to keep up to myself and now, you know, we're on a podcast having a bloody laugh about it. Like I think it's so beneficial. And what could an audience member expect from a visit to the Chronic Boom tour? I did actually read, I read a quote from a review, saying that you have a moment where it's the inner thoughts of your bowels.

They wrote, in an Estenders style accent. Can someone hear a sniff it? Can you give the listeners what they want? Oh, we need to go to the toilet, you slag. Uh, so, there was a period, there's a part of the show where my, my, my tummy has the voice of Ray Winston, sure. Uh, but that kind of shows you the, the threatening and, uh, controlling aura that your bowels have over you.

Yeah, absolutely. When you're not in charge of them, you know? If your, uh, bowel was to be angry and upset, I, it really would sound like Ray Winston, wouldn't it? I mean, it's perfect. Yeah. There's no other choice. Listen, I'm from the East End of London, so Ray Winston is our, is a sort of God to us, you know what I mean?

So, I mean that with the, the utmost respect, okay? It is, yeah, you know, it's, it's not a bad thing at all, but uh, so look, I mean, that it, that is a good thing to bring up because the show is silly and funny, you know what I mean? It sounds serious, but I'm from a club comedy background. I've spent years doing the stand up circuit all over the country, so for me, uh, the show has to be.

accessible and funny to normal people. I want just regular people to come along and see a show about something they've never seen before and have a laugh and that is generally what happens. So I went, I did a preview in Brighton and uh, my dad's mate from the pub came along who was, uh, who was a butcher, right?

Um, you know, a butcher from the Weatherspoons came to the show and I spoke to him after and he said, I've never seen. Anything like that before it was brilliant. And that's the kind of, you know, we could all go and do the Soho theater to a bunch of Industry people who read comedy blogs and talk about inflammatory bowel disease for an hour That's that's a walk in the park, but getting regular people to come along and talk and have a laugh about a chronic illness that that for me was more important.

Yeah, absolutely. And obviously, it's important for us as well to sort of establish this community. But actually, what we really want to do is get everybody to understand it. So everybody can be empathetic. And when you say, actually, I need to get to talk right now, or no, I can't get that on on that train, or whatever.

It's, it's, it's understood, it's getting the common person to give a shit. That is, that's, that should be honest. Oh, is that your radar key? It's my radar key. Okay, so speak about that in the show as well. Little things like that. And, and like you say, when you say to someone needs to go to the toilet and, uh, you know, having the space to be able to do that and having institutions and companies understand that and have that in place as well.

It's really important. I can't believe you just got your radar key out. I feel like I've seen a nude or something. Oh my god, he's got a radar key. This hasn't happened on the podcast before, Liam. Wow, first radar, well. Woo! Delighted, delighted to have crossed that threshold. You guys, you've gone a bit giggly.

I don't know if there's video on this pod, but they're both blushing. She's flushed. And we always ask our guests if they have any delightful toilet tales that they'd like to share. I mean, I feel like you've already shared so much. I mean, we've had some absolute caulkers from smear tests gone wrong to, uh, I mean, that's the only one I can remember.

Oh, just the person who shat themselves up, um, Kilimanjaro while a group of tourists were watching. Oh, yeah. That was a good one. Oh, blimey. Any, any that come to mind for you, Liam? So there's, there's, there's some in the show that I don't want to give too much away. Of course, that's fair. You know what I mean?

That's fair. Um, there was obviously shitting myself at the London Marathon. Wasn't fun. Um, I, I, I'll tell you this very quickly. Uh, when I was in hospital the first, few weeks. Um, they, uh, the first few days, uh, my inflammation levels were so high that they said to me that basically every time I need to go to the toilet, I need to give them a sample.

Um, which at that point was, you know, 15 times a day. So that meant every single time I went to the toilet, I had to buzz for a nurse. to come and collect a little cardboard commode of my, uh, of my poo. I'm ready! Yeah, 15 times a day and, uh, I got very good at small talk, let me tell you. It's incredibly difficult to look someone in the eye and ask them how their day is and then hand them a bowl of your shit 15 times in a row.

We must stop meeting like this. We're married now. Uh, yeah. Oh my god. Absolutely incredible. Well, we've got to come and see your show when it's on tour, where are you going to be? Uh, well, so where are you guys? Are you in London? We're in London. You're, we're in London. Okay, so I'm at the Soho Theatre in London.

Oh, now you're at the Soho. Oh, kowtowing to the woke karate, are we? Absolutely. The, uh, yeah, the, the Come, if you could come down from your ivory towers for one moment. We'll see what we can do. Let the oi poloi into the Soho Theatre, uh, on Monday the 8th. 9th and 10th of April but it's going all over the country.

We're going Glasgow, Aberdeen, Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, Newcastle, Southampton, Bristol, Aberdeen, Perth, everywhere. We're going everywhere. Uh, it's all on my Instagram. Yeah, where can, where can people get tickets, Liam? Uh, if you go to, if I'm in Instagram, my link tree is there and that's got tickets.

We'll link you. We will link you. Yeah. Absolutely. Link me up. We will link you up. so, so much for joining us today and we will see you at the Soho Theatre. Oh, right. Okay. I can't wait. Thanks so much, guys. It's been wonderful. Oh, Liam. Liam. Liam, Liam. Not a stupid man with stupid ideas. No. No, That told us, didn't it?

God, for that. It's gonna be bad if he listens to this back and this whole, like, the beginning. Well, I think it'd be really bad if then, after his interview, we went, Well, what a stupid man with stupid ideas. Absolutely not. Thank you so much, Liam, for coming on to talk about it. Like I'm so gutted. When I was in Edinburgh, I tried to get tickets for the show, but it was sold out on the days that I was there.

And the day I left, there were few tickets left, and I wasn't gonna be there. Well, I think you and me can go on a little date. in spring 2024 and go see Chronic Boom because I really want to go. I would love to see it. It's had some absolutely outstanding reviews and for anybody else listening you can go and see it too on tour.

And also I think we need to Um, catch up with Niamh separately and find out how to do TikTok. He's got, he's got 10 million views on his TikTok. I know, I didn't know how to do TikTok. I don't, mate, I really don't understand TikTok. I, I put up, like, depending on hashtags is obviously how you do it. I, I put up a video, one video of ours got like 1, 000 views in like five minutes.

And others haven't got past a hundred. I'm like, I swear I'm doing the same hashtags for all of them. What am I doing wrong? I guess maybe it was just trending that day. Maybe. I don't know, Claudia. For fuck's sake. I'm making it all up. You know, aren't we all? Every damn day. We are, baby. And we should, uh, input in the show notes.

How to get tickets. How to get tickets for Leela's show. And if you would like to email us. Anything at all you can Mm-Hmm. . You can email us, um, at the podcast [e-mail]. Mm-Hmm. Or you can follow us on social media, which is at the Pocast. Um, but you can just search us and, and you'll find us. And um, you know, obviously, uh, I dunno if you are aware, I think it's really, really important that we do bring.

This, this particular issue to lie, we're a bit concerned that, you know, other people need as a bigger platform as Claudia and I have. So if you are struggling to discover other content, there's an upcoming comedian called Joe Lysette and he has his own podcast called Turdcast, uh, which obviously, you know, Oh, by the time this airs, that'll be out.

Yeah. We're going to have to do this on the other episode as well. Oh, we're just going to end every episode of being like, and did you know Joe Lycett's also got a podcast about poo? He does. Yeah. We have started the war, uh, on Instagram. So if you could jump on the bandwagon and just let him know that.

Warriors. We have been doing this. Get your keyboards out, get your warriors out, get your keyboard warriors out and just let, just let him know that we exist because we'd quite like to talk to him too. Yeah. It'd be fun, wouldn't it? It'd be good. Unleash. The Hounds. Unleash the Hounds. Did you ever watch that show?

What's that? Unleash the Hounds. No, what's Unleash the Hounds? They just like, release the hou Oh, it's called Release the Hounds, sorry. But like what, the show is just people releasing hounds? Yeah, and you just have to run away from them as fast as you can. Are you joking? No. That was the, well, that was the end.

I think there were other rounds, but the final round was basically, can you outrun these hounds? And they could almost never do it. And what happens if the hounds get you? They would drag you to the floor. OOOOH! They, they were like trained to do that though. They knew not to like bite and attack but they'd just like catch you, bite you and pull you to the ground.

That would be fucking terrifying. I would be so scared to do that and I love dogs. And they're obviously all like really well trained like lovely huskies but yeah, they would drag you fucking to the floor. It's like playing Red Rover at school. What's Red Rover? Red Rover, Red Rover, who would you call over?

When you stand on opposite sides of the playground and you call someone over, it's my stomach. And then you have to fucking peg it before they can get you and drag you to their side for Red Rover. What? I've never played Red Rover before, never heard of it. We'll play it soon babe. Um, also it's just your friendly reminder that you should probably all go out and get your advent calendars because Christmas is coming.

Merry Christmas to one and all. I feel very festive this year. I'm really into Me too! I've, the past sort of couple of years, I've started to really get on board with Christmas. I've always liked Christmas, but due to factors, that was taken away from me and, um, actually now I'm, I'm buzzing, going ice skating.

Aren't you? I am, yeah. Where are you going to go? Hampton Court. Ah, lush! Are you going ice skating? Because you're very good. I love ice skating. Yes, I'm hopefully going to, I'm the one at Somerset House. Oh, where's Somerset House again? Is that in? We were there the other day, you plonker. Recording the episode.

Oh, did they get an ice cream? Yeah, in the middle of, they have a nice where, where we were, if you go actually through it, ah, there'll be a nice ice cream there. In the court? Yeah, in the courtyard. I wanna go to some is house. Okay, babe. Okay. It's right there. Okay. Okay. Okay, . Okay. Bye everyone. Bye. Coochie baby.