Episode 33 - Part 3 : Family Enstrangement: Choosing to run and cutting your losses

Letters to my kids: A suicide survivor's lessons and advice for life

Episode 33 - Part 3 : Family Enstrangement: Choosing to run and cutting your losses

Music: “Just A Blip” by Andy G. Cohen From the Free Music Archive Released under a Creative Commons Attribution International License

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-is-2020/201406/estranged-your-parents-or-siblings-overview https://www.huffingtonpost.com/karl-a-pillemer-phd/estranged-children_b_1267734.html

- It's always nice to have a support system, especially in times of dire need. And while parents might represent beacons of hope and safety for lots of people, there are many people out there who feel the opposite. While it may seem strange, estrangement is actually more common than you think among US families -- for a multitude of reasons, there are lots of people out there who purposely have no relationship with their parents.

- Several people who are disconnected from their parents took to Whisper, the popular app that provides an anonymous platform for people to share their most honest thoughts, to explain what it's really like to be estranged.

Family doesn't mean the same thing to everyone 'Parents' is just a word Sometimes the right decisions are the most difficult ones Parents should help shape and support who you are, not make you feel bad about it

Just because you can't be around your family doesn't mean you don't love them Is it possible to ever forgive your parents for years of abuse?I don't talk to my dad because of years of abuse.

"The surest sign of the estrangement of the opinions of two persons is when they both say something ironical to each other and neither of them feels the irony." -Friedrich Nietzsche

- Among the saddest people I met in interviews with older Americans for the book “30 Lessons for Living“ were those living in this situation. The destruction of the parent-child bond was a persistent source of melancholy, a feeling of incompleteness that weighed down the soul.

- Fortunately, the elders interviewed for the project offered suggestions from their long experience for avoiding family rifts or patching them up before they occur. Here are several of their tips:

- See the potential rift early and defuse it.The elders acknowledge that once the rift sets in, it takes on a life of its own and becomes much more difficult to repair. The time to act is when the first warning signs show themselves.

- Act immediately after the rift occurs. The elders warn that the viewpoints of both parties harden quickly; in a relatively short time it becomes easier not to make the effort to reconcile than to try to do so. The new reality sets in fast; therefore, the time to “make things better” is as soon as possible after the blow-up.

"Estrangement shows itself precisely in the elimination of distance between people." - Theodor Adorno

- It’s often the parent who needs to compromise. Older mothers and fathers tend to invest more in the relationship as they get older and therefore stand to lose more by letting it disintegrate. Particularly acute is the separation from grandchildren that can occur as a result of the rift. Many elders recommended that parents try their best to “forgive the unforgivable.” Some have had the worst happen, stood on the brink of the rift and decided that it still wasn’t worth the end of the relationship with the child.

"There could have never been two hearts so open, no tastes so similar, no feelings so in unison, no countenances so beloved. Now they were as strangers; nay, worse than strangers, for they could never become acquainted. It was a perpetual estrangement." - Jane Austen