28. How To Protect Your Marriage In Ministry

Hidden Potential: A Guide For Ministry Leadership

Big thought:

Ministry can quickly take a toll on your marriage if you’re not careful. Many marriages experience difficult times, regardless of you doing ministry or not. But, there are certain aspects of ministry that have the potential to create specific problems within a marriage. Many great marriages have been damaged and even broken because of the unexpected toll that ministry brought into it.

Today, we are going to talk about common pitfalls within marriage that can be caused by ministry life. I’m going to share with you some tips to help you avoid these problematic situations and I’m going to give you direction on how to respond to certain issues when they come up.

The reason that this is so important is because your marriage should be your safe haven from the stress and demands of this world, but if left unprotected, it can easily turn into a swamp that collects all of the negative emotions and junk from life and ministry. You must learn how to protect yourself and your marriage so that you can experience the joy of marriage along with the joy of ministry. If not, they both will feel like a living hell.

1. Protect your privacy.

a. Date night. Just like ministry success requires you to put in the time and effort, so does marriage success. Having a regular date night is pivotal to developing endurance and passion in your marriage.

b. Don’t talk trash about your spouse. Your spouse isn’t a means to an end, nor are they a prop for your sermon. I’m not saying that you can’t share personal stories in your message, but I am saying that you shouldn’t share stories that give a bad impression of your spouse. There are plenty of other ways that you could support your point while still supporting your spouse.

c. Limit your availability to others. Maybe start by choosing only certain days/evenings that you are able to do meetings or counseling sessions, even if you’re technically free on the other days. You have to give yourself breathing room through the week because before you know it, you will be overwhelmed and your marriage will feel overwhelmed too.

2. Don’t play with hoes.

a. Pay attention to weird vibes. I’m not going to necessarily go into all of the different motivations behind why certain people hit on or flirt with ministers, so just know that it’s a thing, even in ministry. Sometimes it’s emotional, sometimes it’s spiritual, and sometimes it’s just people being lonely or horny. No matter what’s driving them, you have to be aware of it and ready to divert from it.

b. Run from opportunities. Whenever you pick up on this kind of vibe, you must limit yourself to them and only allow access when there’s somebody else present. Don’t put yourself alone with them or in intimate situations like one-on-one counseling or prayer. Don’t make excuses as to why you should just minister to them anyway, it’s a trap for you. You simply just have to back up and let someone else minister to them if you have to. It is not worth ruining your life and marriage over.

c. Be transparent with your spouse. The best way, in my opinion, to guard yourself against hoes in the world is to be fully transparent and even accountable with your spouse. Talking to them about potential weird vibes or asking them their perspective on certain interactions will help strengthen the trust in your marriage as well as your integrity to resist temptations to flirt with the idea.

Take away:

1. Establish a regular date night with your spouse. Even if it has to be at home, set specific times to have intimate one-on-one quality time with your spouse.

2. Create boundaries for yourself and marriage by choosing specific times that you are available and unavailable for ministry and others.

3. Lay it all out and set parameters of transparency with your spouse. Ask them if they have felt weird about certain people and their interactions with you. Decide what your accountability will look like within your marriage.

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