The Good, The Bad and The Ugly // Essential Life Skills, Part 9

A Different Perspective Official Podcast

The lines between right and wrong have become quite blurred these days. Black and white are being pushed out, and there seems to be a big area of grey there in the middle. But right is still right. Wrong is still wrong. The question is, how do you live that truth out, in your relationships, in a world that prefers different shades of grey.

God is a God who rewards the good in us. It’s a really simple fact. Like any good father, He wants to see His children live a good life. I know that’s what I want for my children. Yeah, I want to see them succeed in their chosen profession, but more than that, I want them to be good people: People with good morals; honest; decent; hardworking; loving; caring for others. And like any father, when they were growing up, I tried to teach them those things. It didn’t always go that well.

Kids being kids, they didn’t always get things right and as you well know, as teenagers, they often pushed the boundaries as teenagers do. And as an imperfect father, I didn’t always get things right either, just quietly. But what was in my heart for them was to bring them up to be good people, and the best way as a parent to do that was to reward the good behaviour in them; to teach them that good behaviour, unselfish behaviour, honest and decent behaviour, has its rewards. I think that approach is pretty common to all fathers, even if (as I’ve said) we don’t always get it right, and in fact, that’s exactly the approach God takes with us. Galatians 6:9:

So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest-time if we don’t give up.

So what God’s saying to us here is, yes, sometimes the going does get tough, but hang in there. Keep on doing good because one day, at harvest-time, you’re going to reap the reward that He has ready and waiting for you. God blesses and rewards the good in us. That’s why Jesus said (John 12:26):

Whoever serves Me, the Father will honour.

In a world in which people more and more are preferring fifty shades of grey to simple black-and-white, you know, I think that’s not such a bad model. It’s so easy to take the good in people for granted when all along, the good in other people is really a blessing from God that could and should be rewarded in a way that encourages more good in this world.

Just think for a moment how powerful-an agent of change the rewarding of good would be in your life, through your life. Think of the missional impact that the rewarding of good could have through you, as you implement God’s approach – God’s model of reward, and the rewards don’t have to be all that big: A simple, "Thank you. I so appreciate what you did," will often suffice. So who in your life is doing good? Who could you reward today to encourage them to do more good? Because that’s the model that God has ordained.

Of course, not everyone is good all the time. Sometimes people are downright evil. The question is, so then what?

By and large, the simplest thing to do when someone is doing something wrong, something that we know is bad, something that quite clearly is going to have terrible consequences, is ... well, just to ignore it.

My wife and I were recently at a café having a quiet cup of coffee or at least, we were trying to. At the next table was a young mother on her mobile phone, chatting away. Opposite her was her one-year-old with a cup in his hand, banging it hard and loud on the table. Now back in my day, I would have taken that cup off him, and taught him that that was the wrong thing to do, even though it probably would have resulted in a tantrum. They have to learn, right? And the sooner the better because one day, that one-year-old is going to be a teenager and then, watch out! But not this mum. No, she simply ignored the child’s bad behaviour and apparently oblivious to it, just kept on talking on her mobile phone. How that cup didn’t smash in his hand I’ll never know.

This ignoring of bad behaviour thing starts quite early-on, and because dealing with bad behaviour takes energy – because it’ll probably cause conflict along the way, we’ve all become quite adept at turning the blind eye; at ignoring it, hoping it’ll go away, but that’s generally not what happens. When we ignore bad behaviour, whether it’s in a one-year-old at the café or in a work-colleague who’s bullying someone, it almost always gets worse, so what’s the answer? What do you do? How do you deal with that bad behaviour? Galatians 6:1:

My friends, if anyone is detected in a transgression, you who have received the Spirit should restore such a one in the spirit of gentleness. Take care that you yourselves are not tempted.

In other words, God’s calling us to deal with it. God’s calling us, albeit in a spirit of gentleness, to confront the bad behaviour with the aim not of exacting revenge, but of restoring the person who’s doing bad; with the aim of bringing them back to good behaviour.

Now that bit about doing it in the spirit of gentleness is really important. If that young mother had put the phone down and screamed at the child in frustration ... well, that probably wouldn’t have been the right approach, any more than you or I responding angrily (with revenge in our hearts) to someone who’s doing us wrong.

Take care that you yourself are not tempted into that, but when we do it in love, when we do it with gentleness, when we point out the mistake quietly and offer a better alternative to the person who’s behaving badly, something surprising happens. God shows up. God honours that, and more often than we might expect, that person who’s been behaving badly is restored to good.

But that doesn’t always work, so then what?

People behaving badly in this world is simply a fact of life. We can try and do the right thing; we can try and talk about it to them gently, quietly, privately, to restore them to good behaviour, but let’s be honest: It doesn’t always work. It should; we wish it did, but it doesn’t always work, so then, what do you ordinarily do in that situation?

Let’s say you tried once or twice to help someone deal with their bad behaviour, but they haven’t responded well. What happens next? Well, most of us, we just give up. ‘Well, you know, I tried, but he’s a hopeless case. He’s never going to change.’ Sound familiar? Sure it does. We just write them off and move on, leaving the bad behaviour to fester and harm not just them, but everybody around them. I’m not so sure that’s the best approach. What do you think? Have a listen to the apostle Paul’s advice to his young ministry protégé, Timothy. 2 Timothy 4:1B-2:

I solemnly urge you, proclaim the message. Be persistent, whether the time is favourable or unfavourable. Convince, rebuke, and encourage with the utmost patience in teaching.

In a nutshell, the older, more experienced Paul is saying to young Tim here, ‘Don’t give up. Keep telling people about Jesus – the good news, the fantastic news about Jesus, whether the conditions are favourable or unfavourable.’ Does that mean shoving religion down someone’s throat? I don’t think so, but what it does mean is not giving up on them.

I have a very good friend who knows that some of the things that he’s doing are wrong. The lifestyle that he’s chosen for himself is just wrong, plain and simple. Now I care deeply for him, and so on the odd occasion, I’ve shared with him the good news of Jesus and by the way, deep in his heart, I know he believes, but his lifestyle is pulling him away from the Lord. He can’t have his cake and eat it too, as the saying goes.

As much as I care for him though, the one thing that I will not do – the one thing that I will never do – is endorse his bad choices; tell him that it’s all ok, because whether the time is favourable or not, my heart is to convince and rebuke and encourage him with as much patience as I can muster, and of course to pray for him, because there’s such incredible power in prayer. James 5:16b:

The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective.

People are going to behave badly, but don’t give up on them. Perhaps God’s put you in their lives for a time such as this to be the one through whom His love, His grace, His mercy, flows into their lives. Don’t give up.