#4: Lily, Oliver, and the Big Scary Outside

Invisible Lions

How do you make peace with a relationship that’s not turning out the way you wanted? On this episode of Invisible Lions, follow a young woman, Lily, as she processes and answers this question about her quirky, aging father. You’ll learn about the stories we create so we can love others better, and the bravery it takes to examine deep, painful truths about our beginnings and our most precious relationships.
A Note on Self-Compassion & Crafting Your Story:

What stories are you crafting about your relationships or your past?

Like I mentioned in the episode, we all craft stories to make sense out of our lives. It’s the way our brains are wired. Most of us do it unconsciously — we line up our clues and pick a narrative that feels right at the time.

Sometimes, you may want to relook at those old narratives and ask yourself, “Is that the story I want to believe? This kind of processing takes a lot of bravery, and it’s why I’m so grateful that Lily modeled this for us on Invisible Lions.

Please note that it can be very painful to examine your old stories, and I highly recommend doing this work with the help of a trusted therapist. But another resource is self-compassion. (Lily and I talked about the power of self-compassion a lot, but that part of our conversation didn’t make it into the final episode).

If you’re processing something difficult, self-compassion will help you comfort and care for yourself through those challenging emotions and memories.

SELF-COMPASSION RESOURCES:
Dr. Kristen Neff is one of the leading researchers on self-compassion, and here are a variety of resources you can use to learn more:

• Listen to this episode of The Happiness Lab — As a guest on one of my favorite podcasts, Dr. Kristen Neff explains how trading your inner drill sergeant for a kinder, more compassionate coach will help you in the long run.
• Read Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself — This is Dr. Neff’s book on self-compassion that’s based on her research. If you’re a fan of Brené Brown’s work, then you’ll be happy to know that Kristen Neff’s research builds off of Dr. Brown’s research on shame and courage. To be totally transparent, I haven’t read Neff’s book yet myself, but Lily highly recommends it.
• DO self-compassion with The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook: A Proven Way to Accept Yourself, Build Inner Strength, and Thrive — In this workbook, Kristen Neff teamed up with Christopher Germer to give you over twenty-four chapters of exercises to help you practice self-compassion. I’ve been working through it since June 2020 with my therapist and I can honestly say that it’s changed my life.

I hope these resources help you put together the pieces of your stories. Remember — doing so requires a lot of bravery. I’m cheering you on.

Thanks so much for listening :).

— Laura