Navigating Holiday Gatherings: Setting Boundaries with Grace with Carla Marie Manly

Helping Families Be Happy

In this episode of the Helping Families Be Happy Podcast, host Adina Oberman speaks with Dr. Carla Marie Manly, a clinical psychologist and expert in personal transformation, to discuss strategies for setting healthy boundaries during holiday gatherings. With holidays often bringing together family and friends, Dr. Manley offers practical tips for navigating potentially invasive questions with grace and respect. This conversation is perfect for those seeking to create a positive, self-respecting environment during social events, allowing families to enjoy gatherings with mutual understanding.

[00:00] Host Adina Oberman introduces Dr. Carla Marie Manly, highlighting her expertise in relationships, personal growth, and boundary setting, especially relevant during the holiday season. Dr. Manly explains her holistic approach to helping others navigate relationships with a foundation of self-respect and resilience.

[04:15] Dr. Manly describes common holiday challenges, such as invasive questions, and emphasizes the importance of establishing boundaries. She encourages listeners to view boundaries as emotional “fences” that protect well-being, offering examples of how to respond calmly to probing questions.

[09:30] Dr. Manly discusses the impact of the word “should” on boundaries, noting that feeling obligated to answer personal questions can lead to boundary violations. She encourages families to set limits confidently and gracefully, re-framing boundaries as a means of self-care.

[13:50] The conversation covers practical responses to common intrusive questions (e.g., about relationships or family planning). Dr. Manly shares polite, direct phrases for redirecting conversations and maintaining personal privacy.

[18:20] Dr. Manly emphasizes the value of role-modeling boundaries for children, highlighting how parents can demonstrate self-respect in social settings. She also suggests practicing boundary-setting phrases to build confidence before gatherings.

[23:30] Dr. Manly explains the “three strikes, you’re out” approach to reinforce boundaries, advising listeners on handling persistent boundary crossers by politely exiting conversations if necessary.

[28:45] Dr. Manly addresses handling conversations with individuals under the influence of alcohol, explaining how to navigate these situations by disengaging if needed, to maintain emotional safety and peace.

[32:15] Dr. Manly shares advice on avoiding discussions around politics or sensitive topics at family gatherings, including using “timeouts” as a graceful way to step away from uncomfortable conversations.

Key Takeaways:

• Healthy boundaries allow you to maintain self-respect and enjoy holiday gatherings more fully.
• Polite, direct responses can help redirect intrusive questions without damaging relationships.
• Role-modeling boundaries for children reinforces the importance of self-respect.
• Practice boundary-setting phrases to build confidence in social settings.
• Using a “timeout” can provide a graceful exit from difficult conversations, especially when sensitive topics arise.