After a brief hiatus, we're back, with the truly amazing bad movie Vampires: Brighter in Darkness. Vampires are real, y'all, and they're all gay, obviously. But otherwise they're not at all like the vampires you're used to. They can summon demon scorpions, and teleport, and hitch rides on the backs of airplanes, but mostly they just hiss at each ot…

This week, we watched the not-really-a-movie movie Brooklyn Bizarre. It's 80-90% montages of upsetting weirdo burlesque performances, and then there's a completely unexplained murder at the end, but join us as Eric tries to convince us that it actually means something. Topics discussed: What exactly is burlesque? Chris describes a very short porno …

This week we watched the 2023 slasher movie Departing Seniors. When a gay high-schooler is pushed down the stairs by bullies, the blow to his head that almost kills him actually gives him psychic powers, which he can use to see the future. He then uses that power to save his bullies (who, you may remember, just pushed him down the stairs) from a ve…

This week, we watched the 2005 rom-com Adam and Steve featuring Parker Posey and Chris Kattan (and starring two other people). We say rom-com, but there's not really any romance, nor is there any comedy. Instead, we're given confusing bits about family curses and a full performance of a song from the Sound of Music. Topics discussed: We watch a lot…

This week, we watched the 2018 thriller Devil's Path. When two obvious lunatics meet on a cruising ground within a state park, each with their own secrets, they begin a deadly game of cat and mouse. Or, at the very least, they wander the woods for about an evening, yelling at each other about whether love exists or not. The movie doesn't make much …

This week, we watched the 1988 British film The Fruit Machine. Which, yes, does mean it's time for some positively terrible accents from us while we discuss a film where a couple of teenagers witness a murder, go on the run, get abused by a famous opera singer, and finally rescue a magical dolphin. It's a truly wild film. Topics discussed: Robbie C…

This week, we were joined by Seattle drag royalty Mark Finley to talk about the movie that he appears in, Holiday Heart. When a drag queen with the legal birth name of Holiday Heart (played by Ving Rhames) befriends an addict (Alfre Woodard), and her daughter, he puts all of his dreams on hold for the benefit of people who don't seem to deserve his…

This week, we got into the Christmas spirit with the 2013 movie Scrooge and Marley, a gay retelling of A Christmas Carol that implies the two title characters will be in love, but they're not. It's mostly a faithful retelling of the Dickens story except that everyone is gay in it, and also they add Bruce Vilanch playing a real creep. Topics discuss…

This week, we watched Baby Steps, the sequel to the 2018's Say Yes, which you may remember from a past episode, is about a woman with cancer who decides to set up her husband and her twin brother. In the sequel, they're still together, and from beyond the grave, she's decided to interfere in their lives further, this time by telling them that she f…

This week, we watched The Singing Forest, a movie that we have a lot of theories and questions about. Questions like, "why?" and "wait, what?!" IMDb calls it "The worst LGBT movie ever," are they right? Let's find out! Topics discussed: The Young Pope is younger than other popes Reincarnation Chris tries to remember the name of the movie Deadfall f…

This week, we watched the 2022 "thriller" eXploited, which is in no way related to eXistenZ, despite their shared love of capitalizing letters in the middle of words. No, this one is about how online porn leads to murder. Or... not really murder, I guess. There's actually surprisingly little murder in this movie that sure makes you want to think it…

This week, we watched the 2006 homoerotic boarding school witch movie The Covenant, starring Sebastian Stan and Steven Strait. Although it's not a "gay movie" per se, it's actually surprisingly gay, and the swimming pool scene was important for a lot of gay teens in the early 2000's. Topics discussed: Incubi and the band Incubus What exactly is a D…

This week, we watched the 2020 movie Out of Body. When a demon is released from an orb (you know how all orbs have demons living inside them?), and possesses the body of Malcolm, it's up to his best friend Henry (who's secretly in love with him) to get it back. Or that's what the description on IMDb would have you believe. Mostly Malcolm just tries…

This week, we watched the 2005 film Open Cam, which only served to reinforce for Chris that he's getting older and will someday die. A serial killer is stalking the streets of Washington DC, and specifically targeting the men in a DC based cam site, but don't worry because a mysterious gay detective (who may or may not be a ghost) is on the case. W…

This week, we (along with 6 million straight women) watched the 2023 movie Red, White and Royal Blue. A Rom-Com (but hold the com, please) about the son of a US president falling in love with the Prince of England. Despite being about gay people, it seems to have been made exclusively for a straight audience, and boy do we have some thoughts about …

This week, we watched the 2012 Rob Williams film The Men Next Door. When a sad sack without any real friends starts dating both a father and his son at the same time, he has to make a choice, and it'll involve retelling the story to four different people in great detail. Topics discussed: Cake blindness So much incest Chris describes The Green Lant…

This week, we watched the 2018 young adult film Love, Simon, a movie that's about 50% emails. When a closetted gay teen is blackmailed with emails that he sent to another closetted gay teen, it leads to a dramatic coming out that will have everyone in his life going "oh, okay. That's fine" Topics discussed: How many emails do I have to wait before …

This week, we watched the 2006 made for HereTV movie Deadly Skies, starring future neo-con Antonio Sabato Jr. When an planet killer asteroid threatens to crash into the Earth, it's up to a plucky band of scientists and two gay Air Force guys to save the world by turning on a secret laser everyone knows about but no one wants them to use. This is an…

This week, we watched the 2023 slasher movie Fire Island, not to be confused with the 2022 rom-com Fire Island. It may or may not be a sequel to past We Read Movies flick Last Ferry (it's not), and it may or may not even be a gay movie, but we have fun with it. Topics discussed: Sequel naming conventions Magneto wasn't real What straight people thi…

This week, after some mild technical difficulties, we're back! And we watched the 2013 gay hitman flick Triple Crossed, starring and directed by the very good sport friend of the pod Sean Paul Lockhart. When an ex-marine is given a job to kill the ex boyfriend of his friend and sometimes lover... you know what? This plot is incomprehensibe. but we …

This week, we watched the 2012 rom(?)-com(?) Love Or Whatever, the film that dared to ask the question, "can bi people be trusted?" And that also dares to answer the question, "no. They cannot." Also, it dares to ask the question, "what's Meredith from the Office been up?" And the answer to that question will shock you. Topics discussed: Rumplestil…

This week, we watched the 2007 Rob Williams (not to be confused with Robin Williams) movie Back Soon. When a straight drug dealer gets a horny dead lady's ghost inside his body, he turns gay for her widower, who turns gay for him too through the power of sleepwalking. It's a very confusing plot, but it's also very boring. Topics discussed: The diff…

This week, we watched the 2022 body horror (or so we were led to believe) movie Swallowed. When a gay guy and his best straight friend get roped into being drug mules, they find out that the condoms full of drugs they swallowed to cross the Canadian border were actually weirdo bug eggs that are hatching inside of them. And then there's an extended …

This week, for the podcast's three-year birthday, after threatening to do it for so long, we decided to torture ourselves by watching the Kevin James and Adam Sandler movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. That's right we sat through every minute of this TWO HOUR LONG movie (that's about an hour and a half of fat jokes) so that you don't have t…

This week, we watched the very recent M. Night Shyamalan movie Knock At the Cabin. Ostensibly a movie with gay main characters, and we don't want to spoil the twist for you, but it ends up being quite possibly the most offensive movie we've ever seen, both because it's actually offensive and because it's deeply boring, but man does it make plane cr…

This week, we invited our good friends Mike and Kyle back to watch the fourth and most excruciating of the Eating Out movies: Drama Camp. A camp of queer people out in the woods, secret identities, bizarre rules against sex? It sounds like the hit Kevin Bacon movie They/Them, but no, the only thing this movie slashed was our free time. Come join us…

This week, we watched the 1990 Eric Idle, Andrea Martin, Robert Downey Jr., and Ralph Macchio movie Too Much Sun. After a murdered millionaire's will stipulates that one of his gay children will have to produce a child of their own, they'll have to engage in some wacky farcical adventures to get their inheritance. Will they succeed? Does Eric Idle …

This week, we watched the very strange and David Cronenberg-ian 2007 movie Socket. After he's struck by lightning and develops electricity vampire powers, a doctor joins up with a group of other electricity vampires for a party-and-play metaphor that ends in multiple murders. Does it make sense? Not really. Does it involve some plug and socket-rela…

This week, we're late in discussing the Hallmark original Christmas movie Dashing in December. It's your standard Hallmark fare, guy from the big city tries to shut down the struggling horse ranch his mom (Andie MacDowell) owns, only to fall in love with her employee. We know, we know, we meant to do it before Christmas, but stuff happened. Topics …

This week, we watched the Shannen Doherty and Robert Gant gay spy thriller Kiss Me Deadly, produced for Here TV. Well, one of us did. The other two watched a straight-washed recut of this movie aired at appearing on other networks, and it takes us a really long time to figure out that we watched basically a different movie. Topics discussed: Eric i…

This week, we talked for a solid three and a half hours about the 85 minute long movie A Wedding Most Strange, and then Chris painstakingly took out a bunch of weird tangents to cut it down to the length it is now. The movie was so very deeply and maniacally weird that it just broke our brains. Listen along to our descent into madness Topics discus…

This week, we watched the recent Buzzfeed Productions movie My Fake Boyfriend, an incoherent tale of what happens when you make a fake boyfriend for social media, but afterwards realize you want to be with a handsome chef whose arms are muscular beyond belief. Also, it asks the very important question, is there such a thing as a celebrity stunt man…

It's every gay's favorite holiday, Halloween! So to get into the spooky spirit we watched the not-explicitly-gay-but-oh-so-gay horror movie Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge. Featuring several naked male butts, a very sexual shower death, and rubber play sheets, this is perhaps the gayest movie we've ever done. Topics discussed: What does…

This week, for Spooky Season we watched the recent LGBTQ+ Kevin Bacon horror movie They/Them, about a killer who's stalking a gay conversion camp. Except, it's barely a horror movie, since the kids are in no danger, and the only people getting slashed are the jerks who run the camp. And because it bares a certain similarity to his book, Surrender Y…

This week, we watched the 2018 gay christian movie At the End of the Day, about a bigot who learns, through subterfuge and the power of love, to be slightly less bigotted. Featuring inappropriate pranks and even more inappropriate eating, the movie left us with a couple of questions, like "is this even a gay movie?" Topics discussed: What's Kyle's …

This week, we watched the fourth and final (until we get that Kickstarter off the ground) movie in the Donald Strachey mysteries, Ice Blues. The most comprehensible and therefore the least fun of the series, it's also his least gay, but don't worry, we'll still find plenty to talk about, like how much killing a man with his bare hands seems to turn…

This week, we watched the 2006 movie House of Adam. Done by the same director as past episode D'Agostino, this movie purports to be a gay ghost story, but the ghost doesn't show up for until the last 5 minutes or so. Instead we get about 40 minutes of corporate intrigue, some straight people who are very game for violating the Geneva Conventions in…

This week, we watched the 2018 movie anthology. No, not that Shadowlands... No, not that Shadowlands either... The other one. The gay one. Okay, well, they made a gay movie called Shadowlands and someone fucks a ghost in it. It's not surprising that you've never heard of it, but I promise you it's real. You can watch it on Tubi if you want, but don…

This week, we watched the 1980 Al Pacino movie Cruising, about a serial killer stalking the gay S&M cruising community, and the undercover cop who maybe catches him. Or maybe is the killer himself? The movie's very confusing, but what we do know is that someone's getting fisted in the background of one of the scenes, so we're on board! Topics discu…

This week, as a supplement to our episode on Stonewall, we had the incomparable Matt Baume on to talk to us about queer representation both before and after the Stonewall riots. Join us as we learn about the history of queer portrayals in media, from anti-gay propaganda films up to that time Archie Bunker met a trans woman Links mentioned in this e…

This week, because it's Pride Month, we talked about the 2015 movie Stonewall, the movie that asked, what if we took a real event and replaced almost all the black people in it with one bland white dude? Also, they throw in a little fem shaming and a weird third act kidnapping, Topics discussed: The Corndog Killer How to hide your porn Gay director…

This week, Chris texted the group while drunk on a Wednesday at 12:30am and said "guys we NEED to do the 2011 movie Hold Your Peace. The movie is super boring, it's about a guy who's trying to break up his ex's wedding. But the bachelor party scene is incredible!" (There were a lot more spelling errors in the text, but we sheltered you from that) W…

Sorry it's late! Chris decided to eat at a disreputable but delicious teriyaki place and then be bedridden for 3 days with the worst case of food poisoning he's ever had, but this week, we watched the 2017 movie Kept Boy. When an aging sugar baby feels his boyfriend falling for the pool boy, he tries to win him back through trickery. But is it real…

This week, the very funny and excellent Duncan Robertson (author of Visegrad: A Novel) joined us to talk about the 2017 film B&B. When husbands Marc and Fred return to the B&B they were kicked out of one year ago for being gay, they find themselves embroiled in a murder plot so weird that even after talking about it for several hours, we're still a…

This week, we watched the 2020 movie Death Drop Gorgeous. Not to confused with that other movie with a similar name, this one is about a slasher stalking the streets of gay Providence, RI. Can the case be solved by a down on his luck bartender, or an aging drag queen, or a pair of detectives one of whom looks like he's a literal baby? Or is one of …

This week, we watched Red Ribbon Blues, a 1996 HIV medication heist film starring Paul Mercurio, Lipsinka, Debi Mazar, and RuPaul, but don't get too excited by the cast because it's not very good. It does, however, introduce us to a certain cop named Detective Bones. Topics discussed: Air Bud as a cop Batman villains are weird What could these red …

This week, we watched the classic gay art house film Querelle. Ostensibly about murder, sailors and sex, it goes off the rails as soon as a lusty ship's lieutenant stsrts recording his inner most thoughts, and we have an absolute blast with it Topics discussed: How to masturbate without getting jizz on your pajamas Thoughts of the sea naturally lea…

This week, we watched the incoherent 2019 moVie "Groupers". What starts as an Incoherent revenge plot to turn two homophobeS gay by connEcting them at the dick gets even weirder when a ganG of neo-nazis show up to Ruin everything. And if thAt description makes it sound like the fun kind of baD, you've been fooled the same way we were. Topics discus…

This week, we watched the 2006 John-Stamos-plays gay TV movie Wedding Wars. When a gay wedding planner finds out that his brother is deeply homophobic, he organizes a gay strike that spoiler alert goes nowhere and does nothing. But we've got a star studded cast at least! Topics discussed: Will and Grace The many problems plaguing the town of Derry,…

This week, we watched the 2012 movie D'Agostino, which bills itself as an gay movie, and which had us all sold the minute we saw the description in Tubi used the words "human clone." Is it one of the most wild movies we've ever talked about? Yes. Is it actually gay? Well.... Find out! Topics discussed: How long does it take to make a stew? Eric ref…