This Isn’t Therapy... it's a podcast about it! Therapy themes are everywhere you look— they’re in your relationships, in the culture, and yes, inside of you, Mary! Each week, Jake Ernst and Simon Paluck peel back the therapy curtain to discuss the very things people are talking to their therapists about. Anxiety. Boundaries. People Pleasing. Their narcissistic mother. No topic is off limits! New episodes released every Thursday. The hosts: Jake: https://www.instagram.com/mswjake Simon: htt ...
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This Isn't Therapy...this is an *encore* conversation about people pleasing. Through two #lovelylistener stories, Jake and Simon explore the root of people pleasing - where the behaviour stems from and how it comes to be. How do I stop people pleasing??? Get ready to laugh/cry/uncover the phenomenon known as the chameleon child. "Trying to make lif…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a (part 2) fun, flirty, fabulous convo about our needs! If you haven't listened to part one yet, what are you doing?! Go listen and then come back, Wendy!! In this episode, Jake and Simon expand on our types of needs and introduce us to our core relational needs of safety, belonging and mattering (the tandem needs!) and…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a (part 1) conversation about our needs - what are they? Why is everyone talking about them? And how do you know if your needs are being met? What follows is a funny and fabulous convo about Primal, Survival, and Growth needs (oh my!) This episode is essential for anyone out there wondering: what are my needs?! Creators…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the pinocchio-inspired epi about lying to your therapist. In this episode, Jake and Simon use a case scenario as a study about lies, fibs, and fairytales in the therapy room. They talk about what may lie beneath our lies (hehe) and can what happen when a therapist may suspect a lie is being told. P.S. The notes we were si…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an *encore* conversation about becoming an emotional adult. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about the mirage of adulthood and the search for the "real adults". They dive into an article by Kathryn Jezer-Morton for The Cut called Does anyone feel like an actual adult?This one's for all the adults who feel like they’re…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an *encore* episode about dealing with emotionally immature people. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about spotting the signs of an emotionally immature adult and how emotional immaturity in parents can impact the children they're raising. We're returning to a beloved format in this epi-- lovely listener submissions +…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an *encore* doomy episode about the ever-evolving landscape of doomslang. Doomslang, coined by author and linguist Amanda Montell, is a term used to describe dystopian jargon like “dumpster fire” and “doomscroll” and “bed rot”. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about how the constant conjuring of End Times is having su…
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ENCORE: The eerie hype of self-improvement influencers
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This Isn't Therapy...this is an *encore* deep dive into self-improvement influencers and the impact they're having on men: "how to be more alpha by yelling at the ocean!! How to get a six pack by eating a pound of raw liver a day!! Why being sad is a state of mind so go chew on a football!!!! Oh no!! Don't fret though, Simon and Jake keep it flirty…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an *encore* convo about makin' new friends, Mary! In this week's episode, Jake and Simon talk about our social health and what's getting in the way of making new friends and forging new social connections. They also discuss if it's good or bad to connect with people really fast and tackle a listener question about buildin…
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ENCORE: Help! My therapist broke up with me...
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This Isn't Therapy... it’s an *encore* episode about being broken up with by a therapist. In this episode, Jake and Simon read two stories, one submitted to the Reddit r/AskATherapist community and one submitted by a Lovely Listener! Jake and Simon break down some of the reasons why therapists may also break up with a client. It's a juicy one! P.S.…
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ENCORE: Dating apps, hook up culture, and situationships
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This isn't therapy, baby, it's a conversation about dating and modern relationship expectations. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about hook up culture and the current dating landscape for singles, one where dating apps (and one company in particular!) set the tone for our future with one another. They talk about "situationships" and how to spo…
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ENCORE: Hot takes and the pressure to be an expert
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This Isn't Therapy... it’s a conversation about problem spotting, hot take culture, the loss of expertise, and the pressure to have an opinion about everything. Get ready for some hot takes about hot takes! In this episode, Jake and Simon unpack an article written by Jake called You Don’t Have To Be The Fixer. Let's get into it, Mary! A quote from …
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ENCORE: Is it my personality or my mental health?
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the long-time-coming conversation about personality differences and mental health! In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about The Big Five personality types - Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (recently re-termed Emotional Stability). They talk about the difference between personali…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a conversation about the best friends forever myth. There is so much pressure to find your other half, your #squad, someone to share that BFF bracelet with. But what happens when you don't have a BFF? Do "best friends" even exist? On this episode of the pod, Jake and Simon chat through an article in the Standard (source…
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ENCORE: When therapy sessions become devastating TV
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This isn't therapy... it's some straight up real talk about depictions of therapy in popular media. Simon and Jake talk about the emerging media genre of fly-on-the-wall therapy. From explosive couples’ dramas on TV to podcasts with recorded therapy sessions, fly-on-the-wall therapy is pulling in huge audiences. But is it ethical? Is it exploitatio…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is an *encore* critical look at the argument that children need less therapy, not more, and how this "mental heath culture" is stripping parents of autonomy, ultimately causing more harm than good. In this episode, Jake and Simon dive into a review (written by Anna Nordberg for Slate) for a book by a right-leaning conspira…
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This Isn’t Therapy… it’s an *encore* discussion about “phubbing”— the act of snubbing someone with your phone. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about phone use and how it impacts our relationships with friends, family members, and partners. They also talk about a recent study, which found that higher phone use was associated with more relations…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an *encore* episode about the pursuit of endless bliss. Many people arrive to therapy with a "fantasy goal" thinking they want to be calm, happy, and relaxed all the time. Through two #lovelylistener stories, Jake and Simon talk about how to find a realistic sense of joy, happiness, purpose, and pleasure and what we can (…
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This Isn't Therapy... this is an *encore* conversation about becoming the stand-in parent for the people around you. Are you the one always making the plans? Do find yourself saying "don't forget to..." a lot? When did you sign up to coach the people around you into "becoming the better version of themselves"? Oh, mama. Let's talk. Take out your fi…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is an *encore* episode about some hard truths learned in therapy. Ever wonder how to give your therapist some feedback?! Or even how would my therapist react if I gave them some feedback?! Through a story posted by an anonymous reddit user, Jake and Simon examine a therapists' struggle after they received some challenging …
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This Isn't Therapy... it’s an *encore* discussion about the importance of mattering. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about mattering, a feeling of meaningful significance to others, and what that looks like, sounds like, and feels like in relationships. Jake walks us through the questions he asks his clients when they report that, or he gets t…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the *encore* episode about AI therapists and if they can ever replace the real thing. In this episode, Jake and Simon discuss a recent BBC article about why teens are seeking out AI therapist bots and what that means for the future of mental health. Conversational AI or, in other words, "chatbots with a personality" are g…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a fun, flirty, fab, encore conversation about loneliness versus being alone. Through two #lovelylistener stories, Jake and Simon explore feelings around how we can feel lonely even though we're surrounded by people we love. Also, how being alone does not always mean you are lonely. P.S. Don't forget: Submit a quandary, …
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the encore episode about the overuse of therapy language and the impact its having on our relationships. Gaslighting? Triggered? Trauma-bonding? What do these words actually mean!? And are we using them correctly? Listen to find out. Also, Jake and Simon welcome special guests: Dr. Miriam-Webster, Tammy Toxic, and Gary Ga…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is our *final* episode until the summer break!! On this weeks eppy, Jake and Simon asked "how do you navigate change?" Through two #lovelylisteners stories, they explore the honest struggle that comes with sudden change and how defaulting to "old habits" isn't necessarily a bad thing. Juicy! Sidebar: if you're a first time…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's a doomy episode about the ever-evolving landscape of doomslang. Doomslang, coined by author and linguist Amanda Montell, is a term used to describe dystopian jargon like “dumpster fire” and “doomscroll” and “bed rot”. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about how the constant conjuring of End Times is having surprising, …
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a fun, flirty, fab conversation about the control paradox! Arg! How do I get more control? Why must I try to fix everything?! Through two #lovelylistener stories, Simon and Jake explore the paradox of managing our fear of not having control by trying to get more of it. Also, what happens when we try to rush to resolve e…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's a long-overdue convo about inner worlds and inner children! What is an inner child? Does everyone have one? How do I know if I have one? In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about how to reconnect with our inner kids and how to know whether or not our inner child needs healing, attention, connection, or care. What follows…
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The eerie hype of self-improvement influencers
45:54
45:54
「あとで再生する」
「あとで再生する」
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45:54
This Isn't Therapy...this is an (accidental) deep dive into self-improvement influencers and the impact they're having on men: "how to be more alpha by yelling at the ocean!! How to get a six pack by eating a pound of raw liver a day!! Why being sad is a state of mind so go chew on a football!!!! Oh no!! Don't fret though, Simon and Jake keep it fl…
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This isn't therapy... it's an episode about the six types of play everyone needs. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about the growing rates of play deprivation and how we've become starved of this essential ingredient for wellbeing. They cover the three types of play we need in infancy and childhood and discuss the three types of play we need in…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's a conversation about becoming a confident, capable, and emotionally mature adult. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about the mirage of adulthood and the search for the "real adults". If you're feeling the pressure to perform a certain brand of adulthood, you don't want to miss this one. Jake and Simon dive into an art…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a flirty fab conversation about loneliness versus being alone. Through two #lovelylistener stories, Jake and Simon explore feelings around how we can feel lonely even though we're surrounded by people we love. Also, how being alone does not always mean you are lonely. P.S. Don't forget: Submit a quandary, query, or ques…
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continue reading
This Isn't Therapy...this is the second-half of a convo about needs (we love a Part 2!!) In this episode, Jake and Simon are piggy backing off last week's episode about uncovering our needs and are now exploring what happens when our needs lead to comparison or conflict. You know her, you love her, she's a little messy: please welcome to the stage.…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a two-part conversation about meeting your needs. What are my needs? What are your needs? How do we meet each others needs?! Oh boy!! In this fun, flirty, fab *throwback* episode, Jake and Simon chat through Primal, Survival, and Growth needs: their evolutionary purpose, self-care, and the difficulty of figuring out wha…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a critical look at the argument that children need less therapy, not more, and how this "mental heath culture" is stripping parents of autonomy, ultimately causing more harm than good. In this episode, Jake and Simon dive into a review (written by Anna Nordberg for Slate) for a book by a right-leaning conspiracy theoris…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about mimetic desire: why we want what other people want. Human beings learn everything, including our desires, from imitation. In this episode, Jake and Simon go deep and peek behind the comparison curtain to reveal the reasons why we come to want what other people have. If you've ever thought "Ooh, I want th…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is an episode about some hard truths learned in therapy. Ever wonder how to give your therapist some feedback?! Or even how would my therapist react if I gave them some feedback?! Through a story posted by an anonymous reddit user, Jake and Simon examine a therapists' struggle after they received some challenging feedback …
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the surprise solo session with Jake! In this episode, Jake shares two snippets from his weekly newsletter Just Trying To Help. Jake walks us through his theories for how social media is re-wiring our brains, reshaping our moods, and changing how we connect. P.S. Happy Leap Year! Ribbit Ribbit! Read the full articles here:…
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Stop Opening Up About Your Mental Health Online
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This Isn't Therapy... it’s a very frank conversation about oversharing and opening up about your mental health online. In this day and age, we've normalized sharing everything online, but is it really helpful? That's the question being asked by Freya India in her recent article "Stop Opening Up About Your Mental Health Online." In this episode, Jak…
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This Isn't Therapy... it’s a bold, beautiful, and brave conversation about ~scrutiny~. Lol no really, it's an important convo about how criticism, judgment, shame, and scrutiny have their way in the public and personal discourse. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about the pros and cons of critical observation and how our judgments help us navig…
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This isn't therapy... it's the episode where Brené Brown answers a question from Jake about emotions: "I was thinking about the phrase Mixed Feelings and how feeling more than one feeling at a time can make it hard to label feelings accurately. How do we label emotions precisely when we are feeling a mix of feelings and experiencing separate layers…
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This Isn't Therapy... it’s a timely conversation about being chronically online. In segment one, Jake and Simon talk about Brené Brown’s recent splash back into social media (welcome back BB!) and read an excerpt from her tear-jerking blog post where she talks about taking time away from the internet. In segment two, Jake and Simon chat about the p…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an episode about the age-old adage "fake it 'til you make it!" In this week's episode, Jake and Simon talk about whether or not it's really possible to fake it or pretend our way into a new reality. Through two Lovely Listener stories, they chat through the pros and cons of keeping our cool and trying to be more confident…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's an episode about the pursuit of endless bliss. Many people arrive to therapy with a "fantasy goal" thinking they want to be calm, happy, and relaxed all the time. Through two #lovelylistener stories, Jake and Simon talk about how to find a realistic sense of joy, happiness, purpose, and pleasure and what we can (or should…
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continue reading
This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about AI therapists and if they can ever replace the real thing. In this episode, Jake and Simon discuss a recent BBC article about why teens are seeking out AI therapist bots and what that means for the future of mental health. Conversational AI or, in other words, "chatbots with a personality" are gaining mo…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is a conversation about failed expectations. Through two lovely listeners story submissions (and an article, see below), Jake and Simon explore the impact of not meeting the expectations others put on us, as well as the expectations we put on ourselves. Woof! Big stuff - especially around this "new year, new me" time of ye…
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This isn't therapy, Mary... it's a celebration of our newest segment! This is the first-ever Asking For A Friend roundup! In the past few weeks, we've received soooo many good questions that we just couldn't leave them all in 2023. We wanted to ring in the New Year by answering your frequently asked questions. In this episode, Jake and Simon answer…
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This Isn't Therapy... it's the episode about dealing with emotionally immature people. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about spotting the signs of an emotionally immature adult and how emotional immaturity in parents can impact the children they're raising. We're returning to a beloved format in this epi-- lovely listener submissions + expert-…
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This Isn't Therapy...this is our original spin on the famed holiday classic!! This Isn't Therapy presents: How the Grinch Stole Therapy. Every Who down in Whoville liked wellness a lot...but the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT. The Grinch hated wellness! The whole "therapy speak." Now, please don't ask why, the reason is bleak... …
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This Isn't Therapy... it's a conversation about becoming an emotional adult. In this episode, Jake and Simon talk about the mirage of adulthood and the search for the "real adults". They dive into an article by Kathryn Jezer-Morton for The Cut called Does anyone feel like an actual adult?This one's for all the adults who feel like they’re wearing a…
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