Falling in love with someone is easy. Staying in love with the same person, year after year, is much harder. That's why we're recording an hour of conversation every week of our first year of marriage. For us, it’s a way to dig into our fascination with one another and this existential question of lasting love. For you, it’s an invitation to creep on our marriage as it unfolds, mistake by mistake and lesson by lesson, since no one ever really told us about theirs. We’ll work through fights, ...
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No links or resources in this one. This one is for us, though I suppose every recording has aspired to that ideal -- a time capsule of our marriage. "Objective," or at least truthful, to the best of our ability. Pointed at our own growth. And shared publicly because it feels meaningful, inspires more conversations, and contributes, again, to growth…
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What are you into? What do you like? What gets you excited? These seem like super simple questions, at face value — but for some reason, it didn’t occur to either of us to ask each other anything like that at the beginning of our relationship. Even now, it feels weirdly blunt (even for me, a proudly blunt question-asker) to just ASK Riley what he w…
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Week Forty Nine: You Wanna Talk About Poop And Sex?
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As we discuss, we had such an incredible response to our last conversation, opening up about the ways we continue to struggle with our sex life. Kind people reached out to empathize and share their nearly identical feelings and experiences, and I think Caroline and I were both surprised to discover how much shame we had each been feeling, and how m…
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Week Forty Eight: Do We Need a Sex Therapist?
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Talking about sex is really hard in any given situation, let alone when it's with your life partner and you're both speaking into a literal megaphone about your perceived failures as a couple. In this conversation, Riley and I hit on pretty much every pain point I could personally think of, when it comes to our shared intimacy: his perception of no…
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Week Forty Seven: Introducing The Edible Games
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Incredibly loose timestamping runs as follows: Highs (eh? eh?) and lows (00:05:00) Trust, respect, and communication in shared projects (00:10:00) Butting heads on the bullshit of budgeting (00:32:00) We lose the edible game (00:50:00) We silently follow a fly around the room (01:04:00) As I note in the conversation, The Edible Games will not be a …
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Weeks Forty Five and Six: I'll Have the Last Laugh
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When you've gotten yourself entangled in a marriage* where neither one of you fully understands finances, it becomes necessary for a change to be made. That's why I, Caro Bambino, have taken it upon myself to sign up for a finance course this fall, thereby changing the course of our tiny, insignificant lives forever. In this conversation, we chat a…
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In this conversation, Riley and I talk about this type of loneliness — the challenges of moving through a new phase of life alone, with respect to your peers. And conversely, whether that type of peer affirmation matters at all at certain milestones, or if instead, that desire is a phenomenon manufactured by the pop culture we've been raised by. An…
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Riley and I talk about why we stopped recording and sharing, and why we decided to start again. It's difficult and complicated and important, for us, and if you've had similar conversations or better approaches, please share back. The book we talk about this week is The Color of Law by Richard Rothstein. Listen to it via Audible, or listen to the a…
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No outside resources to note, and since it's a short one, no timestamps. Caroline throws up pretty much right at the ten minute mark though.Caroline Burke, Riley Strand による
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Week Fifteen: 'Agnostic Anger' & Trying to Solve For It
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This week's conversation was recorded on January 26, the day Kobe died. Riley and I open the conversation by talking briefly about Kobe, but I don't think either one of us knew, in that moment, how much it would affect our emotions in the weeks to come, and how much it likely affected the argument we had on this day without our realizing it. You ca…
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Week Fourteen: Handcuffed to a Drunk Raccoon
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We'll add these in a bit.Riley Strand, Caroline Burke による
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We had to wade through the muck a bit. But ultimately, this is a good one. A note for myself to listen to this before the next time we're apart for a long period of time. Considering that I'm writing this in May of 2020, who knows when that will be. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, perhaps. Distance is also what makes the partners grow stronge…
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Week Twelve: Caroline Wrote This Title and Then Riley Micromanaged It
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At one point in the back half of this week’s discussion, I promise a study about how relationships built on shared negativity (dislike for someone or something) are easier to form but weaker in the long term, compared to relationships built on shared interests or affinities. The single silver bullet study to support this idea eludes me (or perhaps …
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This conversation was a real helter-skelter hodgepodge of sex topics, all of which stemmed from one initial thought: men deserve to feel wanted just as much as women do. More specifically, Riley and I addressed a pretty huge imbalance in our sex life, and our relationship as a whole: namely, that he dotes on me nonstop, and is always the one to ini…
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Week Nine: The One Where Riley Pees Himself
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"He's an adult, he's got this" is the key to this conversation, for me. We spend some time debunking this thought, that a marker of maturity is being able to deal with challenges on your own, in isolation from the people who care about you. Looking back, it seems I'm quick to ball up, originally shutting my parents out of my healthcare, and then (w…
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Week Eight: Babies Ruin Everything (For Women)
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We'll add these later tonight. Edit: OR WILL WE. Just listen to the show.Caroline Burke, Riley Strand による
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Weeks Six and Seven: Za Is a Word, Look It Up
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Dear friends and family, We both love all of you, despite this quabble where we parse out sides of who belongs to who. I can see why people drag out courtship before marriage. To see what home life is like for the other, to get a sense of how families might integrate (or not). In fact, to avoid this exact situation we find ourselves working through…
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Unfortunately, there's a dead baby joke in this one. We also overshoot our quota of saying "lived experience" by 10. But there's also some really helpful stuff, liberally cribbed from Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, the authors of The Courage to Be Disliked (https://amzn.to/2wvL07v), who did the same from Alfred Adler, a contemporary of Freud and…
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Week Four: Mapping the Alien Continent of Mirage
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This conversation is the first one where we talk about marriage from an aerial view: what it means to us conceptually, how we viewed it before we met one another, and how our expectations of marriage have been met or changed since tying the knot. We also talk about a really interesting theory about how to approach marriage and relationships, as cre…
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Acknowledgments Thanks as always to our wonderful family and friends who have helped along the way. Specifically, our muse @floriandelomme for his generosity in allowing us the use of his Tulum sunset in our cover art; @anka1027 for her knowledge of all things podcasting; her renaissance husband @gnarliehewson for our highly rad intro music; and, o…
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Week Three: Baba-Booey BS in a Hooters Parking Lot
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To maintain the integrity of this weekly project, we're including this conversation from our third week of marriage, with a minor caveat: this is absolute, complete, baba-booey BS. Riley and I could barely follow the tangents when re-listening, and WE WERE THERE. This conversation took place in the parking lot of a Hooters restaurant in Tampa, Flor…
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Week Two: A Really Bad Thing Happened On The Honeymoon
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This isn't a podcast about sex. But of the many dynamic elements that determine the health of a relationship, sex is the one we've had to put the most work into. And will continue to be, I imagine. I'm not sure that we ever explicitly describe it in the recording, so I'll make it clear here. We had sex when Caroline didn't want to. It was confusing…
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We didn't really land on the central thesis of how to stay in love until a couple of weeks in, but I was surprised, editing this months later, to hear us dig into our fears and hopes for marriage, and what we've learned so far, in a somewhat organic way. Nested within the saccharine giggle fest that is the rest of this first week's recording, that …
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