#54 Is helping always helpful? How to avoid the advice trap

Wellthy Living conversations

Welcome to Wellthy Living conversations episode 54
I’m Lisa, your host and the founder of Wellthy Living.
It is here that I connect with a variety of people to have inspiring and insightful conversations to help you to live a meaningful, connected and well life both personally & professionally.
Our choices impact our work, health and relationships and today I am chatting with Jenny Cole to talk about the choices people make when it comes to helping others and discuss :
Why helping is not always helpful - how to avoid the "advice trap” and the relationship dynamics that often get played out.
Guest intro:
Jenny is an executive coach, facilitator, educator and mother to Albert the spaniel, running two successful businesses, Positively Beaming and BEAM Consulting.
Jenny believes that the world is always ready for a little more joy and her focus is ensuring you find it and build it into your life.
Despite being a committed, excellent educator of 20 years and recognised national expert in the field of Special Education, she crashed and burned, walking out on the career she loved - an exhausted wreck.
Her nervous breakdown/spiritual awakening led her to study why and how people thrive and the simple things we can do each day to make it so.
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Sometimes we think the best thing we can do for a person is to offer help and advice but this can have implications on both the helper and the person being helped.
It is also important to know that Jenny and I are both coaches and facilitators and not psychologists or counsellors so what we are bringing to the conversation is our own formal and informal learnings and lived experience ( with self or clients) in human behaviour. If you disagree with any of the content we share, that is ok and we welcome any feedback or contribution to the conversation. You can use the contact page on either of our websites, reach out on social media or leave a comment to further contribute to today's topic.
In the episode, we start by defining: helping, helpful, what contributes to advice giving and what is the advice trap.
and go on to discuss:
- Relational dynamics that contribute to people owning certain roles:
victim, persecutor or rescuer. - sometimes referred to as the dreaded drama triangle
Victim - perceived hurt or harmed
Persecutor- doing the hurting
Rescuer- intervene to support victim -peacemaker ( completes loop)
- Common reasons we step into the helper or the rescuer role:
- Implications/signs and symptoms
For the helper: (rescuer)
For the receiver ( or the victim)
- How the rescuer can be more aware of the difference between their own needs and the other persons
- A more mindful and empowering way to be supportive: How to you help without over helping? How do you support someone to help themselves?
- Leading with curiosity
- Detachment to outcome of other peoples choices - relinquishing the needs to feel responsible or have control over someone's outcome
- Supporting with presence, process and communication
- Self awareness tools and practice
A question to ponder on:
Does helping enhance our connection with others or does it harm our connection?
Share your response to this in the comments section.
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What’s your biggest insight or takeaway from today's conversation.
Leave a comment and let us know.
And if you’d like more info on Jenny : https://positivelybeaming.simplero.com/
If you’ve enjoyed this episode, please give it a like, write a comment and share it with your friends. Also subscribe to the Wellthy Living podcast on iTunes, Spotify and the Wellthy Living youtube channel, so you can listen to more conversations with wonderful humans whose stories, knowledge, actionable ideas and wisdom can help you to live a meaningful, connected and well life, both personally and professionally.
I’m Lisa, I’m an integrated life, clarity and wellbeing coach, and a professional conversation facilitator.
To find out more about my services you can visit my website www.wellthyliving.com.au or connect with me on all social media channels.
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Until next time remember connection is medicine