The Golden Ratio for Talking vs. Listening | Victoria Song - 1471

The Sales Evangelist

Salespeople have heard the mantra thousands of times: talk less, listen more. But why? And more importantly, how? In today’s episode of The Sales Evangelist, Donald is joined by leadership advisor Victoria Song to learn how salespeople (and anyone else) can balance listening and talking.

Why do people talk so much?

• While there are many reasons, Victoria suggests that people who felt unheard as a child might overshare in an attempt to bridge understanding.
• In general, when we want things to go our way, we think that if we can get the other person to see it our way, they’ll agree. That leads to talking too much.
• In actuality, people mirror one another. So, listening rather than talking will lead someone to reciprocate and hear you.

Victoria’s top components for a golden ratio:

• The talking-to-listening ratio is not a one-size-fits-all. But in general, a 50/50 split is a great place to start.
• However, the more escalated a conversation is, the more Victoria recommends you back off and give the other person more time to speak.
• It also comes down to personality - if you tend to speak first and jump into conversations, listen 70-80% of the time and vice versa.

What to do in a disagreement:

• Rather than sit on opposite sides of a board room table, sit on the same side. Look at the problem from the same perspective, and by working on the same side, you’ll feel more like a team.
• Think about the story attached to identity. When in disagreement, we sometimes realize we aren't talking about the topic anymore. We're making up a story around our identity, making it personal.
• The more we can be transparent with ourselves and the other party, the more likely we are to get to a place where we can hear each other better.

Contraction vs. Expansion

• Victoria’s new book Bending Reality defines two clear states a person can be in: contraction or expansion.
• Contraction is the state where your nervous system is activated (think fight-or-flight response.) On the other hand, expansion is a relaxed state conducive to creativity and problem-solving.
• When in a work environment, putting yourself in an environment that encourages expansion will lead to success.

How to be in a state of expansion:

• One way to improve our access to expansion is to notice when our nervous system is activated.
• Notice your fuel for motivation, and use that to keep yourself in the proper headspace (both mentally and physically.)
• Part of accessing expansion is to start to get clear on what are your clean, sustainable fuels.
• Discover your purpose, uncover your values, and figure out what brings you joy.
• The more we can cultivate doing things we enjoy, the more we train our nervous system to be conditioned to a state of expansion.

Applying this framework to sales:

• Ask yourself if you are in a state of contracting or expanding, especially when talking to prospects. Are you confident enough to ask effective questions?
• You want to get out of your head. It's not just about mental preparation; it’s cultivating the physical state.
• If you felt unprepared for a meeting, one way to cultivate the state of expansion would be to establish a sense of trust. This can come from practice and repetition.

Victoria’s parting advice:

• Listening happens with your whole body.
• When we tune in and listen to our entire body, we understand insights and cues that we wouldn't be picking up otherwise.
• To get in contact with Victoria, check out her website, www.victoriasong.me.
• Victoria’s book Bending Reality is available for preorder! Preorder now to get free bonus access to powerful coaching techniques Victoria uses for her clients.

This episode is brought to you in part by Skipio.

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Audio provided by Free SFX and Bensound. Other songs used in the episodes are as follows: The Organ Grinder written by Bradley Jay Hill, performed by Bright Seed, and Produced by Brightseed and Hill.