167: His Needs - Respect

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer discusses her needs and his needs in this two part series. It is true that often women desire to be loved and men desire to be respected. But what do those two things actually mean. We will talk about this today so that you can start giving more of what your spouse really needs in your relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

• It is often said that a woman’s biggest need in a relationship is love and a man’s biggest need in a relationship is respect. So for purposes of our two part series on this subject, we are going to go with the premises that this true.
• The funny thing is though that it sometimes is hard to give one when we are not receiving the other. So if a man does not feel respect he probably won’t love and if a woman does not feel loved she probably won’t show respect.
• In today’s episode, we will be spending time with the females and talking about this love need.
• This love and respect need is detailed in a book called Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs if you want to read more on that.
• Apparently the backbone of the books premise was created by asking the following question to both men and women. “What would you choose, to be left alone and unloved or feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone?”
• Most women said they would rather feel inadequate and disrespected than to be left alone and unloved.
• So as you know I always like to return to the dictionary to understand what is love. Love is “an intense feeling of deep affection.” Alone means “that one one else is present.”
• It is hard to know from where this deep sense that love is more important to a woman. Is it something that is hard wired in? Is it something that has developed over time through the centuries? That is certainly a hard question to answer but most likely the answer probably is both.
• Let’s talk about some of the ways women feel loved the most in a relationship. So men may need to listen up here!
  • Showing Love through words, touch, or actions. This is different for different women and so identifying which one is critical.
  • Feeling safe. This is another very important way in which a women may feel love. The safety not only means safe from criminals or people that might hurt her, but safe to be vulnerable and open without fear. It can also mean feeling safe in a loyal monogamous relationship whether there is no other romantic partner. It can also mean safe from alcohol, drug abuse or domestic violence.
  • Feeling Like An Equal. This one can be tough for men because sometimes men want to make decisions and be responsible for them. But this can sometimes come across as controlling.
  • Feeling Appreciated. She wants to be appreciated for the things she does for her husband and family. All too often men can get complacent and feel like there does not have to be thanks given for everyday things that a women does.
  • Being There for Her. This can mean listening when she is venting. It means sometimes dropping what you are doing to go do something with her that she finds important.
  • Being Vulnerable for Her. This one can also be difficult for men in that we can often want to play Superman because we feel like if we aren’t seen as perfect then we don’t measure up. But generally the opposite is true in that imperfection, often endears us to our partner.
• We hope that this gives some ideas on what would help a woman feel loved and I am sure for the women listening today there are probably items on the list you might disagree with or even others that you would want to add.

Resources:

• Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs

Thanks For Listening!

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute! Take care.