155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children. This can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both have rigid beliefs about the best way to handle these issues. We will talk today about this issue and give some practical help in this area. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

• The current pandemic we are faced with has not been easy for any of us. Most of us are very used to having a lot of control in our lives and this time has certainly shown us all that not having complete control is something that has become a new normal.
• However, for us in blended families having to navigate the coparenting differences that we all face should in some ways have prepared us for this lack of control, because we have faced this before.
• For example, differences in bedtimes, eating habits, or differences in structure regarding homework time, play time, and chore time are probably issues you have had to face with your ex-spouse.
• While these areas have probably not been easy to handle, you may have some sense for how best to approach knowing your ex-spouse and their current feelings and also just their general personality.
• Hopefully through the differences you have not had to resort to legal action due to a difference in opinion on what you believe is a rather significant issue.
• It is certainly true that our culture appears to completely be mirroring what often goes on in families especially those that are blended and have to work together with ex-spouses.
• Maybe you have lightly suggested problems in these areas to your ex-spouse, maybe you have demanded changes, or maybe you have avoided these issues altogether.
• Now to be fair, this COVID-19 pandemic to most of us is extremely serious and often beliefs about life or death often come into play when it comes to thoughts about this virus. So it is no wonder that there are extremely passionate opinions about how best to handle this issue on many sides of the issue.
• Now all this being said, I prefer to take an approach that would not be unlike any other approach with any other issue that you and your ex-spouse face. However, knowing that at the end of the day more might be needed depending on your stance.
• Let’s talk now about some things to consider when it comes to disagreements about the pandemic.
• • First, where are each of you at in general regarding the end of your previous relationship with each other? Is there any anger, bitterness, or resentment present for either of you? If it is in you then you might want to work to not make decisions with this fueling your choices. If you believe this is present in your ex-spouse you might want to calmly point this out and ask to work to make logical choices.
  • Understand each of your personalities. When you were together, was one of you more preferred to stay at home and the other preferred to get out? Is one of you more introverted or extroverted? These differences will most likely play a role in how you feel about being outside the home.
  • Assess those in either of your families who might be more prone to illness such as the elderly and those with immune compromised systems. So for example maybe you are the person who is more free in your attitude about where you go and what you do with your kids. But it is important to take into consideration that maybe an older ill parent lives with your ex-spouse. In a case like this you might want to exercise more care in what you do and where you go.
  • Communicate with your ex-spouse. Hopefully you are able to communicate with each other while keeping the hot running emotions in check to some degree. Usually when this happens there is more likelihood of a compromise or desire to work together.
  • Be willing to humble yourself and admit when your attitudes and opinions can sometimes be extreme no matter which side of the virus and/or mask debate you are on.
  • Communicate that you really do want to create a win-win for both families. If there were ever a time in the history of our planet that we need cooperation and a feeling of being united with each other it is certainly now. This cooperation all starts with the family unit.
  • Make sure to keep the kids opinions in mind and ask them often what they are thinking and feeling about this issue especially as they go back and forth to each home. Obviously at the end of the day, you as parents should have the final say but you want to keep dialogue with them open.
  • As a final resort if you really feel strongly that appropriate precautions are not being taken or conversely you feel your freedoms to parent how you desire are not being heeded, then certainly consult an attorney if you feel there is no other recourse.
• Use this time as a teaching moment to show your kids that in spite of what we are dealing with in the world, that there can be work to agreement or compromise with how to handle this pandemic when it comes to the kids.

Resources:

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do. Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute! Take care.