“I Had Just Heard His Heartbeat”: A Mother’s Story of Stillbirth and Strength

Still A Part of Us: A podcast about pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant loss

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses infant loss, including miscarriage and stillbirth. Please listen with care.

Hours after hearing her son’s strong heartbeat at a final checkup, Veronika received the devastating news that her sweet Benjamin had passed away. Looking back on her challenging pregnancy, Veronika shares the heartbreak of losing Benjamin at 40 weeks, with the cause of death unknown, and the impact it has had on her life.

In this episode, Veronika opens up about her pregnancy, finding a new OB-GYN, and hearing Benjamin’s heartbeat only to be told he had passed.

Highlights from our conversation with Veronika:

• The emotional impact of the ultrasound and fears that something was wrong

• The overwhelming emotions and confusion surrounding her experience

• Receiving support from her church community

• Challenges with funeral home arrangements

• Allowing her other children to grieve and how they helped her through the loss

Veronika’s story is a reminder of the different ways each person grieves. Her story shines a light on the importance of self-compassion, community, and getting support from loved ones.

Quotes:

"She said, 'Mommy, I'm very sorry Benjamin didn't get to know you. You're a great mommy, and he didn't get to know how good you are.' And that was just the absolute sweetest thing." – Veronika (17:49)

“I didn't scream or cry—I just shut down. I wanted to be left alone. I was really irritated by all the staff coming in, and, you know, you still had to deliver that baby, so you can't just get up and go home. You still have to go through all of that.” – Veronika (40:55)

Other Episodes You Might Appreciate:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/since-my-baby-passed-powerful-life-lessons-from-a/id1473594556?i=1000671153704

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YOUTUBE:

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https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-a-part-of-us-a-podcast-about/id1473594556

Links:

Grief Support Groups: https://nationalshare.org/

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