#10 Kick the Codependency Habit

Try Self-Love

We continue the discussion on codependency this week. If you say yes to either of the following questions, you may be codependent. Ask yourself: Do I have a lot of people in my life with a lot of needs? And Do I have a hard time asking for help? If you said yes to either question you may be codependent.

Some baby steps to start healing include:

1. If someone comes to you with a problem, don’t solve it for them. Take a tiny step back (don’t worry you’re not abandoning the person). Be a listening ear but let them be the adult in their own life.

2. Practice saying, “no.” You can say it as kindly as you’d like: “Thank you for asking me for help but I can’t this time.” See how it feels not to rescue someone. You may feel badly the first time but when you say, “no” to someone you are really saying, “yes” to yourself.

3. Start to evaluate why you do so much for people. Ask yourself the hard questions. Do I really want to? Am I helping out of guilt? Do I think they can’t do it on their own so I think I have to jump in?

It is okay to say “no” to people. Breathe that in. It’s not selfish to love yourself. As you do you allow others the space to love themselves, too. Healing is a work in progress and you can take all the time you need.

Codependency can become an addiction. Like other behaviors it helps us avoid our own pain or problems. We can become addicted to the drama of another person’s life and challenges. You did not develop your codependency on purpose. It stems from a desire to help others and your fear of being abandoned or not needed. The solution your brain came up with was something like this: If i can help everyone around me then I’ll be needed and loved. I’ll never be forgotten or ignored.