Your Iconic Image : You're Playing Too Small

Your Iconic Image

My name is Kacia Fitzgerald, and I am the host of EmpowerHER Podcast & Founder and CEO of SheGoes Co.

Kacia is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, speaker and podcaster who's on a mission to help women unapologetically share their voice & message with the world.

She is the host of the top rated podcast EmpowerHER with over 3 million downloads the first 2 years!

She's also the Founder & CEO of She Goes company, which is focused on cultivating a global community of personal growth obsessed women, and helping women who want to launch or grow their podcasts!

She's found that what's often holding women back is the thoughts that they think about who they are & what they are capable of so she takes her knowledge from working with hundreds of entrepreneurs over the years, paired with her high energy bubbly personality and a "Come with me, let's figure this out together" approach to light a fire under their booty to get out of their own way and go.

Depending on what would be the best fit, some ways people can connect with me are through:

My IG Handles: @kacia.fitzgerald & @shegoes.company

My Website: https://www.kaciafitzgerald.com/

My Podcast: www.empowerherpodcast.com

My Free Pump Up Text List: Text ICONIC to 5125482728

www.marlanasemenza.com

Audio : Ariza Music Productions

Transcription : Vision in Word

Marlana: Kacia Fitzgerald is a multi-passionate entrepreneur, speaker, and podcaster, who's on a mission to help women unapologetically share their voice and message with the world. Welcome Kecia!

Kacia: I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Marlana: So, today we're gonna talk about playing too small. And which really serves no one.

Kacia: Yeah.

Marlana: Why do you think we do it?

Kacia: I think we're socialized, especially as women to take up less space and to have these people pleasing tendencies because we're told we're good if we fit into certain standards of other people's expectations of us. And then I think we're constantly bombarded with a lot of stimulus that saying, you should be this, at this age, at this stage of life, you should be going down this career path, you should want this, you should wanna look like this, you should act like this. And that constant stimulus has us looking for external validation, rather than going internal and asking ourselves, like, what's true to me? And what do I actually want and what feels aligned, and what's gonna make me feel fulfilled, and what's gonna make me get to the end of my TBD amount of days here, and be like, Yeah, I showed up, and I did it my way. And it's scary. It's a slippery slope when we play too small, because I truly do believe that every single one of us as individuals, is gifted a vision for our life, that's not going to look like anybody else's. And that's like, our gift back to the world is to give our gifts to the world. I think it's really important that when we catch ourselves playing small, wanting to just even water ourselves down, I got a really big personality. So, I've had to work on that, like, I'm not gonna water myself down, in order to fit somebody else's expectations of what I should be like, or what a woman should be like. And so, it's really important that we catch ourselves on that. I love just going straight to the juice because that's good.

Marlana: Yeah. And I tell clients that all the time too because if you don't share what, who you are and what you do, first of all, somebody needs to hear it the way you're going to say it.

Kacia: Yep!

Marlana: And needs it the way you're going to do it. And if you don't do that, that's actually selfish, because you're not them with the gift you have.

Kacia: Yeah! Yep! Well, and it's like, your life to your point, you know, is a testimony of what's possible for other people. So, it's the person who's like, but I struggle with anxiety, or I'm an introvert, or I'm struggling with this certain thing. Well, somebody needs to see you and your exact situation do that, because they need to see what's proof of pot, you know, proof of what's possible for them. And so often we forget about who else is going to benefit as a byproduct of us, you know, going for our dreams, not just in terms of, in the entrepreneurial space, like sales or income or, or even impact, but really just, we don't know who's watching us, who doesn’t want to do the same thing that we want to do. But they need to see someone who's unapologetic about owning who they are, taking up space and chasing whatever those dreams are. I'm so with you on that.

Marlana: Yeah. And you know, it's funny because I am that person by having anxiety. And I'm an introvert.

Kacia: Yep! And there are people that are like, yes, I need to see you show up, because that is showing me that I could do it. If she could do it, why can't I do it? Right? It's so important.

Marlana: Can you recognize by looking at somebody if they are playing too small?

Kacia: I can recognize it by body language, often, if they feel as if they're unsure of themselves. And they're second guessing themselves. I can tell pretty quickly when I'm talking to someone, if they have people pleasing tendencies, where they're not able to make their own decisions. And I can pick up on the vibe of it, but it's when I ask them like, what do you want? Or what are you excited about right now? What follows that question, what the answer is, that's when I can really tell if they're even letting themselves think about what's possible for them. And a lot of times, it's coming down to this worth piece, right? Like, am I worthy, someone told me that I could do this? And that's all I've decided I'm able to do, right? I can't push beyond that scope. And then it's the environment that they're in. Because we often become a byproduct of the expectations of our peer group, right? Because all of your friends and every all your family and everyone you're hanging out with all the content you're consuming is people that aren't really going for it with whatever going for it looks like for them. Your expectation is that's what I should do. That's just what it's like, that's normal. I don't want to be abnormal. And because as humans, we are wired to want to stay in community. We want to protect ourselves. We want those familiar thought patterns. It's understandable that we do it. It's understandable that we play small it's then having to go back and challenge that that primal programming that we have to say like what's a different course of action? What's that going to look like for me and how good could it get? Right?

Marlana: It's interesting because I read once that if you look around your circle and you aren't inspired, you don't have a circle, you have a cage.

Kacia: Yeah! Yeah. It's so true.

Marlana: So how do we break out of that? How do we learn to play bigger? space?

Kacia: I think some people that are very analytical driven, it's actually helpful to just sit down and take inventory of the people that you're spending time with like, are you the one that's the most ambitious one? Are you the one that's the healthiest? Are you the one that has the strongest relationships? Because even take it down to relationships, I don't want to hang out with people that aren't in marriages where they are happy with each other. Right? I just don't want that energy around me, if I want to have the foundation of my marriage be something that excited about, I also don't want to be the biggest thinker in the room in all rooms, right? I don't want to be the person who's constantly like pushing the envelope. So, it's really starting with first taking inventory and saying, “who physically around me, am I actually spending time with? What is their influence on me?” because everybody's influencing us in some way. And it's not to say you have to have your entire circle be people that are, you know, big thinkers chasing their dreams going for it. There's a need for all different types of people in our circle. But it's really understanding, do I only have people that are comfortable? Do I only have people that are counting down the days til Friday? Do I only have people saying it just is what it is? Or I'm not that state saying a lot of conditional statements, first taking inventory, and then asking yourself, if I can't get the people that I want in my circle physically, how can I start getting really intentional about consuming content from them, trying to get in rooms, being around other people that is directly going to change the trajectory of your entire life, and then what you believe you're worthy of, and what you believe is possible for you. It's like, so often we say, people that are maybe listening to this podcast, they live in like a small town, they're like, why don't have anyone around me like that? Well! good thing! There's YouTube, and there's podcast. There's people that you can really borrow belief from them that have gone a couple of steps before you have what's possible for you. Which goes back to your original question of like, why we got to take up more space. Because we need people that are living, breathing proof, a testimony of saying, “hey! Come with me, I'm only a couple steps ahead of you, I can show you this as possible for you too.” But it really comes down very tactically, I think asking yourself, who do I actually spend time with? Whose content do I actually consume? What am I filling my mind with? And is that actually conducive to where I want to go? Is that contributing to the thought patterns that are going to help me just elevate to that next level with whatever it is that you're working on? And starting there can be really informative of like, Whoa! I don't have anybody in my circle. I mean, I got to that in my entrepreneurial journey, I got to that at a certain place my business where I had never, I hadn't been around anyone that had earned more income that I had just run into in my business. I was like, I don't physically know anyone, my parents, like I don't have anyone that has made the amount of income that I was making. And I had to quickly take inventory. I was like, well, I don't have these people around me physically yet. But I need to go borrow belief from someone that's gone before me, I need to check in on the narratives that I'm telling myself about people that make a certain amount of money, right? Like that type of stuff. It's really powerful. And it's actually… it's really simple. It's not easy, because we tell ourselves the story of, I don't want to let people down. I don't want people to think that I'm quote unquote, better than them or that I don't care about them. And that story is just a narrative that you're playing, right?

Marlana: And that's our job to take inventory on those thoughts, too.

Kacia: Yeah.

Marlana: Because I know, with various thoughts and things, if we bring it back to who told you that? Sometimes nobody told us that. It's just a scenario we have made up in our head that we can happen over and over.

Kacia: Yeah! And other people's it's so often it comes back to like, even just your upbringing, or like a random thing that you a belief that somebody else put on you that you did not even question, and you've adopted as your own. I've had to ask myself that a lot of times, and even the last five years have been like, it's not actually my belief, or did somebody told me that, and I just took it as my own. I don't even believe that's true. Like, I don't believe that people that make a lot of money are quote unquote, bad people. Like, I don't believe that at all. I'm like, where did I learn that? You know, and maybe it does come down to who told me that or what situation came up that I then created that meaning, right? Because humans were like these, meaning creating machines, I'm like, we're gonna make that up for like, that's how we're gonna be. So I need to leave they're like, completely changed that belief. Or if it makes sense, adopted in a different way. But in that case, you know, it doesn't.

Marlana: And, you know, I also am a strong believer that each level may require a different set of people around you.

Kacia : Yes.

Marlana: And that's okay. You're not leaving anybody behind. You're not letting anybody down. You're just trying to continue to get knowledge from people that are doing it bigger, better, and are at the point where you want to be.

Kacia: Yeah! And it's really interesting because so often we have this narrative of like not wanting to leave people behind. But it's really you are a living, breathing proof of a testimony of someone who is going after whatever their version of great is, right, a lot of people settle in this good and they've got this gut feeling that they want more and more meaning, more alignment, it doesn't have to be being an entrepreneur, being a podcast, or putting your message out into the world, it doesn't have to be that. It's just what actually feels right for you. And then understanding that you've got to have people around you that are also working on those things. And, you know, even like, health wise, take inventory of your circle, it's like if you are the most health conscious person, and you're working on a health based goal, can't just hang out with people that are also wanting to like eat Doritos right before bed every night. That's not gonna serve you, and it's just so simple. I love this conversation. I love this logic, because it is so practical, and tactical that you can just implement who is around me. That's it, right? If I want to go this direction, I have got to find someone that has gone before me. And then we have to then understand that that's our responsibility to be that person that's gone before someone else. And I love this. I love it.

Marlana: So, how did you find your people?

Kacia: First through podcasts, which is actually why I wanted to start a podcast in the first place, is when I started to take inventory. And I had really big goals in the entrepreneurial space, and the type of impact and income and fulfillment that I wanted to have and just the direction that I wanted to go. I was like, I don't have a lot of these people around me that are showing me what's possible. So, I started to find podcasts, and YouTube videos and consuming content, I'm getting really intentional about the people that I was following on social media and making sure that it was people that I could borrow belief from of what's possible for me until I had that belief in myself. And because of that, I learned so much from listening into people's conversations that were a couple steps ahead of me. And their business journey and their mindset and what they believed was possible. And that made me want to start a podcast myself, because I was like, gosh! I've learned so much from podcasters, I've learned so much from just like peeking in, creeping in on these conversations, and really like, wow! That would be really, really impactful. So, I started my podcast almost three years ago, partially based off of thinking, if I've learned for that, maybe I could give that gift to someone else who can connect with me. And I may be just a couple steps ahead of them and be like girl, like, come with me, we got this, we can do it together. Right?

Marlana: And you know, I think it's also important to note to people that you don't have to take the exact same steps or follow the exact same path as somebody else. I know, one of my favorite quotes was by Bruce Lee. He said, “take what is useful, reject what is not and make it uniquely your own.” And when we do that, that's when we start to really find who we are.

Kacia: Yeah! And it's really interesting, because there's no possible way as completely different humans that will ever have the same path as somebody else. Right? Like, it's absolutely impossible that with the different strengths and weaknesses that I've gifted in the curveballs that I've thrown that are teaching me how to learn and process through, it's like, there's no way that any path is going to be linear in the first place alone, even trying to copy somebody else's path, because we have no idea what's going on behind closed doors for any other human in general. And we're responsible for curating an environment in our head that's conducive to getting us where we want to go. So, the conversations that we're having in our head, are, we're never going to understand what somebody else, what other conversations, somebody else had to have their head to get them there, right, we have to kind of, I think it's really interesting, because you hear a lot like, don't compare yourself to other people. And I think that's important. But at the same time, it's like, if you can have this healthy lens of comparison of saying like, this person's done something, and I want to do that, let me just see them and clap for them, because they've literally showed me what's possible, rather than, that person has something that I don't know. That person doesn't have anything that you don't, their path is going to look different, but they often have just tried more times than you've tried. They've just been around the block a little bit longer, they've had more time to get their reps in and get better because obviously, we started something new, we're not going to be very good. In fact, we're probably going to suck a little bit at the beginning, and you put your reps in, you're gonna get a little better. Then you're gonna get good if you actually keep showing up, you're gonna get great and that person that we're comparing our behind the scenes. Like, no makeup messy, but just got into a fight with our significant other to they're like perfectly curated Instagram posts. It's like we wonder why we're...