Sara Visser: Parenting--Learning to Let Go and Let God

Stories of Hope in Hard Times

There was a day when the lights seemed to go out in Sara’s daughter, and the struggle for her life began as she battled depression and suicide. She shares the hard lessons learned as she struggled to find God in her extremity.

Episode Discussion Points

• Why she loves to read more than watch movies
• Why life not turning out the way we expect can be a good thing (but maybe we don’t see it right away)
• The story of her teenage daughter coming into depression and wanting to do self-harm, having suicidal ideations
• How she felt so helpless and hopeless as a mother trying to help her daughter go through this.
• Her story is her story—perfectly designed by a loving God for her family. Everyone’s story is going to be unique for them.
• Depression can try your faith in God—because you often can’t feel Him there.
• As a parent she struggled comparing her daughter to other kids her age and what she thought she would be doing.
• Her daughter’s addiction to self-harm
• How she felt when she wasn’t getting the answer to prayers she wanted.
• The rough counsel she got one day, “You need to grow up in your prayers,” which helped her realize she had the answer to her prayers all along (but just didn’t realize it).
• As a parent you need to trust your gut
• Children do reach a point where they are ready to take responsibility for their own health and decisions
• How she felt reading her daughter’s suicide note in her journal, and the chronic worry that ensued
• How she chose to begin repeating the mantra, “I’m choosing faith!” when the fear felt so all-consuming.
• She reached a point that night where she realized she couldn’t save her daughter and that she had to be okay with whatever God’s plan was for her.
• From this point on she began to make choices based on faith instead of fear.
• The great advice she learned from a friends that she applied, “You can leave the church but you can’t leave our family.”
• Talk through what the situation of a child leaving the faith will look like with your spouse and family—and how you choose to love them.
• The negative thoughts she had after helping her daughter move in with her boyfriend as she left for college—leaving behind all she had taught her.
• The inspiration she had walking and grieving: As earthly parents we are supposed to be imperfect parents, but what was her intention 100%? If yes, then she did her best—it was enough.
• Move through the grief without the shame and guilt. We never grow from shame or guilt.
• Praying with gratitude for good and the bad in our lives and the lives of our loved ones—because ultimately it will lead them back to God.
• Why it’s important to write down what you believe at your deepest core.
• Example: “I believe my Heavenly Father is all-knowing, and He is always working out in front of me to make everything happen for my good and the good of those I love.”
• If you believe this then you can trust God will help life work out for your good—and you will have hope.
• Often when you are dealing with trauma you may not feel God is a part of your story. At those times, pray and ask God to show you how He IS a part of your story.
• It is not just you fighting the battle for your child—there are also loved ones—angels, who are there fighting with you. The example of Sara’s mom helping her daughter one dark night when she wanted to commit suicide.
• How she has gained so much love and compassion for those for whom suicide is a part of their journey.
• How God is with each person on their journey—even if that includes suicide.
• For those left—seek for peace until the understanding comes.
• “Pain is part of life,” Sara explained, “but suffering is optional.”
• For parents—don’t forget to fill your own cup because then you have so much more to give.
• A creative way to teach children the concept of why the focus of parents sometimes goes to another child who is in trauma.
• It’s a sacred privilege to be someone’s safe place.

Things to Try With a Loved-One Struggling with Depression

• First, know there is no quick fix
• Lean on God heavily
• Prayer
• Fasting
• Talking to family/loved ones
• Working with a counselor
• Find coping mechanisms—for her daughter it was driving and talking
• Be open to taking medication, but it has to be their choice

Lessons

1. We are always being guided by the Spirit if we are living right and it will help lead us on the right path and to find the correct conclusions.
2. Love your children fiercely no matter what. They are part of your family.
3. God is the perfect parent, so we don’t have to be. He is the Master fixer and healer and will help each of His children as we come to Him.
4. Sometimes you’ve done enough and God commands you to “be still” and “let go and let God.”
5. Agency—the ability to choose—is as sacred to God as Christ’s atonement.

Favorite Bible Verse

Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

Need Additional Help? Check out These Resources

• Sara is a life coach who specializes in dealing with parents whose kids are in crisis. Website: FindHopeCoaching.com or you can email Sara at [e-mail]
• Audio lecture, “How to Hug a Teenage Porcupine,” by Dr. John Lund.
• Michael McLean faith crisis story. Watch a quick 5 minute version of his story on YouTube here.

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Transcription

You can find the transcription of today's episode here: https://www.tamarakanderson.com/podcasts/sara-visser-parenting-learning-to-let-go-and-let-god