Manage episode 300375991 series 1321650
For the first time in our county's history, the impossible has happened. A cruel, vindictive man has rigged an election in his favor. Tab Birt is charged with one count of election fraud and one count of vote tampering for his interference in a local whiskey tasting event. His whiskey license has been revoked and he is now absolved of his right to purchase and consume any whiskey or whiskey-based products. He is currently at large. He is armed and dangerous. If you or anyone you know have knowledge of his whereabouts we urge you to call 1-800-867-5309 with any tips you may have.
- Whiskey Tasting
- Always Being Connected
- Illusion of Stock
- Armchair Generals
Take a bunch of grains, mash 'em up, boil 'em, collect that sweet vapor, and what do you get? The cause and solution to all of man's problems. Add a dash of pretentious asshole and you get an overpriced whiskey tasting event where you get cold, (actually) bloody steak and a WHOLE OUNCE of whiskey. A WHOLE OUNCE. To taste and savor! All while an ascot-wearing turd nugget mansplains taxes to you while his suit jacket is straining against his Covid gut. But remember, he's not there to tell you HOW to enjoy whiskey, just to swindle you out of 100 dollars and far too much of your time.
Our phones are to us as laser pointers are to cats. It bleeps and lights up and we freak out and paw at it. All for what? Notifications that your second cousin uploaded a photo of his weekly trout fishing trip, or that some person you met in college and had to do a group project with is on their second divorce and fifth kid? An email offering you 25% off something you don't want? An Amazon notification that the package you just got handed has been delivered? It's all noise.
Imagine going to a specialty store in search of something specific. Let's say you want a bottle of Laphroaig 10 Year Scotch, so you head down to your local liquor store. You ask the guy in the store for "Laphroaig 10" and he comes back with an armful of wine and vodka. You say, that's not "Laphroaig 10", that's not even whiskey! "Yes", he replies "but they are alcoholic beverages, and that's what you're looking for." That guy should be fired from his job, right? Yet Amazon, eBay, Walmart, and every other online store gets away with padding their search results like this.
If I want to take part in the decisions going on in a war, I'm going to go play RISK. What I'm not going to do is spew my Call of Duty-level knowledge of the military industrial complex over Twitter. Opinions are like buttholes, everyone's got them, and in 2021 more people than ever love sharing in-depth views of them online.
All this and more on this week's episode! Don't forget to join us on DISCORD, support us on PATREON or by BUYING A SHIRT.