Sex: Release the Shame - Mr. Fox

Flushing It Out

So, how do we talk about sex and everything that goes along with it? For Fox, you start by acknowledging that it’s awkward. Two people doing a very intimate physical act is very complicated. Having humor about it can also go a long way. So, we start by owning the fact that we don’t have a lot of practice talking about these things and that it’s going to be awkward until it isn’t.

Everybody is going to have their own experience with sex and it will depend on how sex was introduced in their lives. It also depends on the messages people have received during their lives surrounding sex.

We as humanity attach sexual connotations to so many things that should not be sexualized. It is apparent in the commercials we see and other things such as children’s swimwear and beauty pageants for underage kids. This is one of the problems when it comes to understanding sex.

For Fox, he suggests familiarizing yourself with what it is that makes you uncomfortable when it comes to sex. Everybody has a limit, but how do we know what that limit is? Of course, when there is sexual abuse in your past, this can be a very dangerous thing to do. Talking to a therapist is always important to help each of us understand our own individual relationships with sex. When we figure out where our limits are, it’s important to own those limits in addition to understanding them.

How can couples be more sex-positive? Each person has their own experiences around sex. The main thing is to avoid shame when it comes not only to our partner’s experiences, but also our own. Fox explains that consent is very important, too. Quoting Planned Parenthood, he explains that consent is best when given with FRIES; Freely-given, Reversible, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific.

How many of us had a comprehensive class on sexual education before we got involved with sex? How many of us had a class on finances before we started having to pay taxes? These are important conversations to have, but most of us are not having them. How do we give our kids the best head start on having a good relationship with sex? We start by taking away the awkwardness and shame that we feel around the topic.

Also, we need to use the proper anatomical terms for our biological parts. We need to normalize talking about these awkward things. Not only do we need to normalize the awkwardness of all things in life, we also need to teach our kids to use their voices. Samantha and Fox use the example of hugging. If our kids don’t want a hug from a grandparent or from a friend, saying ‘no’ needs to be an option given to them and they need to know how to exercise their right to say ‘no.’

Even telling kids that if something feels good in the moment, but doesn’t feel good afterward, that’s something that needs to be talked about. So, how do we normalize these conversations with our children? Well, it’s only awkward of you make it awkward. We need to be able to talk about these awkward things in a non-awkward way. Then, according to Fox, kids need to be encouraged to explore themselves. The more we can talk about these things, the more we can get rid of the stigmas around them. We can take away the things that make sex taboo.

Mr. Fox can be found at:

Calm Fox Coaching

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