#202: 5 Steps to Resolving Your “Situation-ships” (Undefined and Unclear Relationships) With Men with Anna Rova
Manage episode 295259358 series 2940691
When you spend a lot of time with a man, naturally a bond develops. You hang out and do different things. You laugh. You watch movies together, you enjoy the same hobbies and activities. You travel together, you visit family and friends. You share meals. You share beds…
Your natural pull towards the same things and values as well as spending a lot of time together is an indication that (surprise!) at least one of you likes the other beyond the pure friendship zone.
That’s how attraction happens.
We’re programmed and designed to bond over food, discussions, and other activities.
Most of the time when a single woman is friends with a man, either she starts liking him or he starts liking her.
Next thing you know you’re sleeping with the guy because he’s so nice but you’re actually not attracted to him and don’t know how to reject him gracefully. Or you’re sleeping with the guy hoping that this turns into something more serious where the guy is clearly not interested in anything more serious.
The worst situation you can find yourself in is “hanging out” with a man you have feelings for and watch him go pick up other women or talk to you about his various girlfriends.
You’re much better than that.
I am happily married and don’t have a need in my life for male friends at all. Why would I want that? All of my friendship needs are filled my my female girlfriends and the closest male presence to me is my husband (who I don’t expect to be my “friend”) so I do not feel the need to bond with other males.
I have work colleagues and peers, family friends and acquaintances from the past but I don’t spend much time or resources with another male besides my husband.
The same is true for him.
The deciding factor is the amount of quality time spent together. If you find yourself spending a lot of time with a man who is not interested in anything romantic and you are (or vice versa) this is not friendship.
This is dating on vague terms.
There is no such thing as friends with benefits. Especially if you’re a woman. Some women can do it but most of us can’t. Eventually and inevitably this type of situation leads to either a relationship (which technically already is but the terms are unclear and undefined) or hurt feelings (terms are unclear and undefined).
Being “friends” with a man but deep down inside you know you’d rather be his girlfriend? Here is your 5-step formula on what to do next:
- Get clear on what this is
- Set boundaries & communicate
- Drop the boys club
- Surround yourself with women
- Start your dating funnel
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