Tame oneself 调伏自己

Robot Monk Xian'er

Tame oneself

If the relationship between children and parents is not good, it indicates that both sides have room for improvement. Parents don’t know how to raise their children and children do not know how to love their parents. Bad relationship is only the fruition. The best remedy is for both sides to change and to grow up together. However, to initiate this step,both parents and children need to start from themselves. Then, how?

Firstly, put aside the other side's fault. Seriously reflect and admit one’s own mistakes, and work hard to correct them. When encountering with conflict, think more from the other one’s shoes and ponder “why did he/she do this? What did she/he need?” instead of focusing on our own needs and excuses.

People grow up from different backgrounds, with different education and experience, therefore, they differ in their view of life, value system, temperament and personality etc. It is hard to conform with others or push others to fit our own ideals. Whoever insists will suffer.

If we can go beyond our own feelings,demands and views, if we can think for others and know clearly the needs of others, we are truly wise. The spiritual cultivation aims not to change others but to tame ourselves.

---

调伏自己

子女与父母的关系不好，说明双方都有缺失的地方，父母不会教孩子，孩子不会爱父母，而且果相已经呈现。最好的改善方法是双方共同努力，都做出改变，一起成长，但是要达成这一步，首先需要从自身努力无论自己是父母还是子女，都从自己开始。从自己开始，怎么做呢？

先放下对方的过失，认真反省并承认自己的错处，努力改正。遇到争执时，多站在对方的角度想一想，TA这样做的原因是什么，TA需要什么，不要总想着自己的需要和理由。

不同的人有不同的生长环境、教育背景、人生经历，人生观、价值观、脾气、习性等都有所不同，无论是想要与对方一致，或是要求对方符合自己的理想，都是做不到的，非要去做到，人就会很苦、很累。

如果人能够超越自己的感受、需求和见解，处处从别人出发，又能正确地抓住对方的所需，那真是一位了不起的智者。修行是通过调伏自己来解决问题，而不是调伏别人。